You're slipping slowly from my reach
Cleo's quality of life is not good...
she's not in a lot of pain physically exactly... but she's lost, confused, miserable... her eyesight, her hearing, her sense of smell have all deminished dramatically. She's doing things that don't make sense, her memory is shot, she's still losing weight and she's already just skin and bones... All the weird crazy things she's been doing is because she doesn't remember any of the attention she gets or what's going on... she can't focus on anything...anytime we leave the room she thinks we've been gone for weeks... she's trapped in her own head, distant and hardly here at all... and god... I can't remember the last time she purred... I've been in denial of how unhappy she is...
and there's nothing we can do... nothing except let her go...
nobody expected her brain to go before her kidney... we all thought that was what would take her... but it's possible she has a lesion on her brain in addition to the senility... but we can't afford sticking a camera up Unut's sinuses, let alone brain scans and brain surgery... and at Cleo's age, neither can she... and whatever this is is making her diabetes worse, and everything else worse... mentally, emotionally, she is not herself at all... and she hasn't been for a few weeks now... its time to face that and deal with it... she's been suffering through treatment after treatment for all of these problems, which keep piling up... my poor baby...
for now, the doctor gave us some pain med for her, to hopefully help her calm down a bit at night, to relax her. We're trying to make her as comfortable as possible right now. We need time. i know thats selfish, but she's... 18 years with my special girl.... I need some time to say goodbye...
In case i don't post again for a while, I'm thankful this thanksgiving for these 18 years... she's an amazing cat... so sweet, so loving, so quirky... she's been my daughter and my grandmother, sometimes both in the same day... I love her so much I can't even describe. She's been there for me when I've felt utterly alone, hurt, depressed... she always knew when I needed her... she'd take on my tears without complaint, even though she hated getting wet... she could cheer me up, make us laugh, and I used to be able to get her purring just by coming over and looking at her...I miss her. I've missed her for a while now, and I know I'll miss her even mor when she's physically not here, even though things have been so trying...
I love you Cleo... I want to do the best thing for you... I just need some selfish time with you to say goodbye...
Aum Pashupataye Namah...
she's not in a lot of pain physically exactly... but she's lost, confused, miserable... her eyesight, her hearing, her sense of smell have all deminished dramatically. She's doing things that don't make sense, her memory is shot, she's still losing weight and she's already just skin and bones... All the weird crazy things she's been doing is because she doesn't remember any of the attention she gets or what's going on... she can't focus on anything...anytime we leave the room she thinks we've been gone for weeks... she's trapped in her own head, distant and hardly here at all... and god... I can't remember the last time she purred... I've been in denial of how unhappy she is...
and there's nothing we can do... nothing except let her go...
nobody expected her brain to go before her kidney... we all thought that was what would take her... but it's possible she has a lesion on her brain in addition to the senility... but we can't afford sticking a camera up Unut's sinuses, let alone brain scans and brain surgery... and at Cleo's age, neither can she... and whatever this is is making her diabetes worse, and everything else worse... mentally, emotionally, she is not herself at all... and she hasn't been for a few weeks now... its time to face that and deal with it... she's been suffering through treatment after treatment for all of these problems, which keep piling up... my poor baby...
for now, the doctor gave us some pain med for her, to hopefully help her calm down a bit at night, to relax her. We're trying to make her as comfortable as possible right now. We need time. i know thats selfish, but she's... 18 years with my special girl.... I need some time to say goodbye...
In case i don't post again for a while, I'm thankful this thanksgiving for these 18 years... she's an amazing cat... so sweet, so loving, so quirky... she's been my daughter and my grandmother, sometimes both in the same day... I love her so much I can't even describe. She's been there for me when I've felt utterly alone, hurt, depressed... she always knew when I needed her... she'd take on my tears without complaint, even though she hated getting wet... she could cheer me up, make us laugh, and I used to be able to get her purring just by coming over and looking at her...I miss her. I've missed her for a while now, and I know I'll miss her even mor when she's physically not here, even though things have been so trying...
I love you Cleo... I want to do the best thing for you... I just need some selfish time with you to say goodbye...
Aum Pashupataye Namah...