this one time......
AHOY mates! I'm the Captain of the pirate ship they call the Jolly Mango. Along with my first mate, Val, we sail the high seas just off the coast of Utah in search of adventure and buried skillets. Once, we were trapped by a herd of wild mice and were forced to walk the plank. Luckily, we fell into a nearby mustang carrying some squishy onion which smelled a lot like my grandmother's friend Zelda. We spent the next 999 days following a treasure map that took us to the foreign lands of the crawlspace. Then, I grabbed a blue wrench and dug up my old feather boa.