Oh, how the cookie crumbles.
School: the institution that has given me some semblance of stability for my entire life (the part that matters, at least) is on the verge of final conclusion. Well, at lest until I decide that I'm bored with whatever life path I choose and go back to it. See, school I can do; school I'm good at. Once this path is finished and I'm forced to make a decent living with my life, I'm supposed to feel accomplished.
Ah, accomplishment, that word that everyone seeks but no one ever really personally attains. The thing about accomplishment is that, as most other things, it is completely in the eyes of everyone else. Most ambitious people, a category that I most willingly place myself, are on a constant quest for improvement; a quest that is infinite. I'm not saying this is a bad thing. I always seem to find myself in predicaments where people compliment my drive and my "accomplishments." But really I doubt I'll ever really bask in them as people assume I should or would. I reach one goal only to find myself setting out 10 more. Without goals, life is boring and predictable. And predictability, though one of my strong suits, is also one of my most daunting fears. Routine is necessary for efficiency, yet routine creates stagnancy. I think this theme has been one of the driving forces of this journal. On that note, fuck it. My life is played out like the Jerry Curl.
I'm going to be a teacher. That makes me completely enthralled and utterly terrified, simultaneously. That's the glory isn't it?
It's almost time to figure out whether or not I've chosen the right path toward happiness.
Then I can get on top of trying to find happiness in the other parts of my life, which starts with being happy with myself.
Ah, accomplishment, that word that everyone seeks but no one ever really personally attains. The thing about accomplishment is that, as most other things, it is completely in the eyes of everyone else. Most ambitious people, a category that I most willingly place myself, are on a constant quest for improvement; a quest that is infinite. I'm not saying this is a bad thing. I always seem to find myself in predicaments where people compliment my drive and my "accomplishments." But really I doubt I'll ever really bask in them as people assume I should or would. I reach one goal only to find myself setting out 10 more. Without goals, life is boring and predictable. And predictability, though one of my strong suits, is also one of my most daunting fears. Routine is necessary for efficiency, yet routine creates stagnancy. I think this theme has been one of the driving forces of this journal. On that note, fuck it. My life is played out like the Jerry Curl.
I'm going to be a teacher. That makes me completely enthralled and utterly terrified, simultaneously. That's the glory isn't it?
It's almost time to figure out whether or not I've chosen the right path toward happiness.
Then I can get on top of trying to find happiness in the other parts of my life, which starts with being happy with myself.