(no subject)
I do believe it's time for some brain venting.
Sometimes, well actually all of the time, I get very caught up in the day-to-day monotony that has become my life. So ever engrossed in my own self-image and my own "plan" that I forget about absolutely everything else. I start thinking that maintaining pretenses is important. I pretend that it actually matters whether or not someone believes what I'm saying, or that my opinions actually matter in the first place. I forget that in the end, it's the end.
No one cares. That pretty much sums it all up, doesn't it? No one cares. As I drive down the road, most people, if they even happen to look at me at all, are likely trying to find some way to belittle me. Most people are so busy with absolutely nothing at all that they find ways to be upset at anything that may hold them up on their way to achieving their nothingness. Their ever important mission to get home from work; this "work" that they hate, is so vastly important that many people would even kill or be killed over something as simple as a missed traffic signal due to a slower (likely speed limit) driver. They rush to a home where they sit in their overly priced couches and bitch about their underpaid and unappreciated work as a finance officer or as Mr. So-and-so's secretary, who himself is a secretary to someone else higher on the conglomerate food chain. I suppose that my point is that I just don't understand what the big deal is. We live and then we die. The worms in the ground don't really give a shit about the Armani shirt that you haggled down to $46 dollars in your closet.
If I smile at a stranger, I'm a creep. People are hiding underneath an invisible barrier that maintains human isolation, which only further stratifies society. This is not a nation of people nor is it a world of nations. The world is a massive holding center of billions of isolationists who care nothing for the other people who happen to inhabit the same space. Everyone wants to go home to their little boxed-in rooms and drone away to their little boxed picture machines and melt into that ever luxurious bit of heaven they call a couch.
I was reading Vonnegut the other day and he was talking about the concept of love as a nation of two, but I think he's wrong. I think humanity is so self-centered that even the capacity to be completely engrossed in the life of your significant other is simply a fabricated ideal that people use to cope with the fact that they are alone. And believe me, you are alone. To love is to compromise. The only thing that you have the capacity to truly love in its entirety is yourself. Yet, humanity shuns this idea and calls it narcissism.
This is all completely disjointed and possibly irrelevant to my main point, which, now that I think of it, doesn't really exist.
I'd like to take a moment to reflect. Do I care? No. My point is that no one cares, me included. I've tried to set new goals for myself this year in an attempt to become a decent human being.
The little things like not getting absolutely irate over the countless terrible drivers on the road, a group in which I proudly do not include myself. Though it is absolutely certain, sort of like death and taxes, that no one will ever really include themselves in that category, so who knows.
Also, I want to simply, though it is not very simple at all, try to just be happy. What is the point in judging the actions of others? To feel some bit of superiority over them? To make myself feel slightly more accomplished than them, which will maybe help me sleep better at night? The thing is, I feel as though sometimes, I'm angry for the sake of being angry. Completely scrutinizing because there is nothing else to do. This has to stop. My life will be a little more happy. If only everyone just sought to be a little more happy.
Here's where my pessimism strikes. Every human has an innate need to be better than someone else. To feel as though there is still someone a little more terrible at being human than yourself.
To change gears, I also want to stop giving any thought to the thoughts of others. I realize now that it is more than likely that the people your worrying about are probably not thinking at all. If people thought more, would there be such cases of stupidity and absolute catatonic enragement flooding the streets? When the next person cuts you off, think about the bigger picture. Does it really matter? Is the 12 seconds they added to your drive really worth such a big fuss? I digress from my point. Stop thinking about what other people think. Did I read this book for me or did I read it to show other that I'm well read? I feel like the vast majority of actions we take are in the cause of baiting others into liking us. Is working out done in the name of health or in the name of lust for the attention of others? Is community service really for the sake of the community or is it for the applications your writing and sending out? Call me vain, but I really want to pursue being true to myself, regardless of the fallout that may come in retribution.
We're all assholes; some are just much better at hiding it. My goal, though possibly a fool's errand, is to stop being such an asshole.
Sometimes, well actually all of the time, I get very caught up in the day-to-day monotony that has become my life. So ever engrossed in my own self-image and my own "plan" that I forget about absolutely everything else. I start thinking that maintaining pretenses is important. I pretend that it actually matters whether or not someone believes what I'm saying, or that my opinions actually matter in the first place. I forget that in the end, it's the end.
No one cares. That pretty much sums it all up, doesn't it? No one cares. As I drive down the road, most people, if they even happen to look at me at all, are likely trying to find some way to belittle me. Most people are so busy with absolutely nothing at all that they find ways to be upset at anything that may hold them up on their way to achieving their nothingness. Their ever important mission to get home from work; this "work" that they hate, is so vastly important that many people would even kill or be killed over something as simple as a missed traffic signal due to a slower (likely speed limit) driver. They rush to a home where they sit in their overly priced couches and bitch about their underpaid and unappreciated work as a finance officer or as Mr. So-and-so's secretary, who himself is a secretary to someone else higher on the conglomerate food chain. I suppose that my point is that I just don't understand what the big deal is. We live and then we die. The worms in the ground don't really give a shit about the Armani shirt that you haggled down to $46 dollars in your closet.
If I smile at a stranger, I'm a creep. People are hiding underneath an invisible barrier that maintains human isolation, which only further stratifies society. This is not a nation of people nor is it a world of nations. The world is a massive holding center of billions of isolationists who care nothing for the other people who happen to inhabit the same space. Everyone wants to go home to their little boxed-in rooms and drone away to their little boxed picture machines and melt into that ever luxurious bit of heaven they call a couch.
I was reading Vonnegut the other day and he was talking about the concept of love as a nation of two, but I think he's wrong. I think humanity is so self-centered that even the capacity to be completely engrossed in the life of your significant other is simply a fabricated ideal that people use to cope with the fact that they are alone. And believe me, you are alone. To love is to compromise. The only thing that you have the capacity to truly love in its entirety is yourself. Yet, humanity shuns this idea and calls it narcissism.
This is all completely disjointed and possibly irrelevant to my main point, which, now that I think of it, doesn't really exist.
I'd like to take a moment to reflect. Do I care? No. My point is that no one cares, me included. I've tried to set new goals for myself this year in an attempt to become a decent human being.
The little things like not getting absolutely irate over the countless terrible drivers on the road, a group in which I proudly do not include myself. Though it is absolutely certain, sort of like death and taxes, that no one will ever really include themselves in that category, so who knows.
Also, I want to simply, though it is not very simple at all, try to just be happy. What is the point in judging the actions of others? To feel some bit of superiority over them? To make myself feel slightly more accomplished than them, which will maybe help me sleep better at night? The thing is, I feel as though sometimes, I'm angry for the sake of being angry. Completely scrutinizing because there is nothing else to do. This has to stop. My life will be a little more happy. If only everyone just sought to be a little more happy.
Here's where my pessimism strikes. Every human has an innate need to be better than someone else. To feel as though there is still someone a little more terrible at being human than yourself.
To change gears, I also want to stop giving any thought to the thoughts of others. I realize now that it is more than likely that the people your worrying about are probably not thinking at all. If people thought more, would there be such cases of stupidity and absolute catatonic enragement flooding the streets? When the next person cuts you off, think about the bigger picture. Does it really matter? Is the 12 seconds they added to your drive really worth such a big fuss? I digress from my point. Stop thinking about what other people think. Did I read this book for me or did I read it to show other that I'm well read? I feel like the vast majority of actions we take are in the cause of baiting others into liking us. Is working out done in the name of health or in the name of lust for the attention of others? Is community service really for the sake of the community or is it for the applications your writing and sending out? Call me vain, but I really want to pursue being true to myself, regardless of the fallout that may come in retribution.
We're all assholes; some are just much better at hiding it. My goal, though possibly a fool's errand, is to stop being such an asshole.