Reflections of happiness
Tonight while mowing the yard I paused to see my son and his girlfriend cross the street to walk to a park not far from our home. Her arm was entwined with his as she softly laid her head against him. I paused and watched this tender gentle moment. So happy, two young lives meeting softly in this messed up world. I had the illusion of looking through a window, outside soft light from a setting sun, inside a cell filled by the gloom of a life restrained by an illness than cannot be controlled. The moment was over when they passed beyond my sight and I continued with my mindless task. A short while later I sat to rest, all was quiet as the late afternoon slowly waned into evening. Then off in the distance I heard laughter, the sounds of young lovers. The image of a girl on a swing being pushed teasingly by a boy flashed in my mind’s eye and seized hold of my heart and warmed my soul, if only for a moment.
I sit here wanting to write about a slower, saner time in my life, which now I can only remember as a reflection. A mist separates me from those times, a fog, in which I stubble around looking for a path back into the warmth of the sun. Alas, I find only demons hiding in wait, watching for the opportunity to strike me down once again. Lately happiness is something I no longer feel, something I no longer understand. At least I can sometime glimpse it experienced by others, even if I can no longer suffer it.