Lost and Found, Part Three
* * *
It’s nice outside, so Jensen and a few other cattle decide to eat their sham of a breakfast out on the patio. Fat-free vanilla yogurt, one piece of bread that’s made out of sprouts and flax seeds or some other gross shit, and enough unsweetened peanut butter to essentially cover one quarter of the bread. That’s it.
“What a gorgeous day!”
Jared walks out onto the patio with a big smile on his face, and Jensen would swear the sun actually shines a little brighter. Tom and Chad follow right behind him, like some Abercrombie model version of the slow-mo scene from Reservoir Dogs.
Tom stands at the head of the table, arms crossed over his chest. Chad comes around and wiggles his way in between Ernesto and Allison, dropping an arm across each of their shoulders. Jared stands behind Jensen and grips Jensen’s traps, squeezing and rubbing so hard Jensen has to put his spoon down. It hurts like a bitch, but it feels really, really good at the same time, so he doesn’t complain.
“How are you guys doing today?” Tom asks, voice too loud in the quiet morning air.
There are a few mumbled replies, everyone saying some version of good, fine, we’re surviving. Then Allison looks up and says, “What are you guys doing here? Thought today was our day off?”
Jared and Tom smile at each other. “Well,” Tom says. “Today’s your day off from the gym, that’s true. But there aren’t any days off when you’re trying to get healthy-every day is a new challenge.”
Jared pats Jensen on the back. “We thought we’d take you guys to the beach today. Get a few rounds of volleyball going.”
He’s got his hands on Jensen, but he’s addressing everyone else. Jensen already knew about the volleyball plan, because Jared had told him about it last night on the phone. Their nightly phone calls have become sort of a routine, just like the morning walks to the gym, but Jensen doesn’t mention it to the rest of the group. He doesn’t think the other trainers call their cattle just to check in, which makes Jensen feel nervous and smug at the same time.
Chad jostles Ernesto. “C’mon dude, I know you’re up for it. Play-in’, playin’ with the boys,” he sings at the top of his lungs.
Ernesto smiles coyly at Chad. “Are you going to play with your shirt off?”
Jensen chuckles to himself. This kid has absolutely no shame.
Chad just laughs and says, “I will if you will, Ese.”
They all pile into the facility’s long white van and drive out to the beach. The backs of Jensen’s legs are sticking to the cheap leather seats, but all he can focus on is Jared’s arm, casually slung across the back of the bench seat, resting on Jensen’s shoulder.
* * *
Jared and Tom are setting out the weights while Jensen sweats like a pig on the treadmill. Even though he’s been walking for over an hour, and his feet feel like they are on fire, it’s somehow less brutal when the guys hang around and talk. It gives him a reason to stare at Jared, for one, and it takes his mind off the exercise.
“I think,” Jared says, “Allison has a big ol’ crush on you, Tommy boy.”
Tom looks down and smiles into his folded hands. “I think you may be right.” He looks up and squints a bit. “But hey, that’s fine with me. Whatever gets her butt in the gym is good for both of us.”
For some reason, even though this is a perfectly innocent conversation, Jensen starts to feel defensive. What business is it of Jared’s if Allison has a crush on Tom? And even though Tom’s whole reason for being is to get Allison in the gym, it still sounds kind of mean when he says it like that. Like she needs to be in the gym. Which she does, but whatever. Jensen’s still bothered by the whole thing.
“Better you than me,” Jared says with a snicker. “Remember Jessica from last year?” He rolls his eyes.
“Uh, yeah. How could I forget?” Tom says.
What the fuck? Jensen’s shocked. Sure, yeah, he hadn’t really believed Jared’s whole everyone-is-beautiful attitude, but he never expected Jared to openly shit all over someone as sweet as Allison. Plus, Jared hangs out with Allison all the time. They’ve become friends, or at least Jensen had thought they had become friends.
“What’s wrong with Allison?” Jensen asks, voice tight with tension.
Jared looks at him in confusion, as if he’d only just realized Jensen was listening to them.
“Nothing’s wrong with Allison.” Jared says slowly.
“Why would it be so bad if she had a crush on you?”
Jared tilts his head and lifts both eyebrows as if to say, C’mon man, you know why. He reaches out a hand towards Jensen’s shoulder, but Jensen shrugs away.
“Jensen.”
“What’s so disgusting about Allison?” Jensen demands angrily.
Jared huffs in frustration. “Nothing is disgusting about Allison, Jensen. Why are you-?”
“But you wouldn’t date her?”
Tom interjects, “Guys, can we drop this-?” Their voices are getting louder, and Allison is only just out of earshot across the gym.
But Jared puts up a hand, never taking his eyes away from Jensen’s. “No, I wouldn’t date her.” His chin juts out in defiance.
Jensen shakes his head. “Because she’s fat, right? Huh? Mister open-minded? Isn’t she just wearing an ugly man-eating disco shirt?”
Tom’s mouth falls open in confusion. “Disco-what? Is that homo-code for something?”
Jared just stares at Jensen for a long moment. Then, slowly, his face twitches into a tiny smile.
Jensen wants to punch him. “You know what, Jared? Fuck you, and fuck all of your sanctimonious bullshit.”
“Oh jeez,” Tom says. “Is this a jealous spat?”
Jared is full-on smiling now, and Jensen gets even madder. He can’t believe he thought Jared was a good guy. He can’t believe he liked Jared.
“Jensen,” Jared says, fighting a smile. “I’m gay.”
Jensen’s heart completely stops beating for a moment. Jared’s just standing there, all strong and happy and not at all embarrassed. And he just says it. Just like that. He’s gay.
And it doesn’t mean anything. Jensen knows it doesn’t mean anything. Just because Jared is gay doesn’t mean-anything.
“That doesn’t mean anything,” Jensen says, to prove his point. That he’s making in his head.
Jared eyes him with patient amusement. “Actually, it does. It means-”
“It means he’d rather fuck you,” Tom interjects, pointing at Jensen. “Than her.”
Jensen just keeps walking, struggling against the incline on the treadmill, trying not to think about that statement. Because it’s not true, and that sucks.
“Hey!” Jared laughs, but he sounds a little nervous. “I never said I wanted to fuck anyone, okay?”
“Oh please,” Tom says. “I know it’s against the rules and all, but you two really-”
“Tom?” Jared cuts him off with an exaggerated shut the fuck up face. “Don’t you have a client to attend to?”
Tom sighs. “Well, yeah. Good point.” He starts to walk away, but then turns around, bends towards Jared and stage whispers, “Are you sure you don’t want to fuck her though? Just so we’re all clear?”
“Tom,” Jared groans.
Tom slaps him on the ass and heads across the gym cackling loudly.
“Um.” Jared’s blushing now, head ducked down so all Jensen can see are the pink tops of his cheeks.
“You’re really gay?” Jensen says with a squeak. He’s not sure how his feet keep moving. He can’t even feel his legs.
Jared looks up and laughs. “Yeah, let’s stick to that part for right now. I’m gay.” He shrugs, still smiling. “I thought you knew.”
Jensen just shakes his head. His thoughts have slowed to a complete halt.
When Jensen continues to say nothing, Jared’s smile falters a bit. “I hope that’s not going to be a problem.”
Jensen shakes his head again, quickly this time, but he still can’t make himself say anything.
“You sure?”
Jared looks kind of upset now, and Jensen, well. Jensen has no idea how he’s supposed to respond. All this time Jensen’s been absolutely positive that all of Jared’s backrubs and hugs and, and phone calls have been just friendly. He’s been telling himself that there’s no chance, no chance whatsoever, and now, Jared’s actually gay? It should probably make Jensen happy that he’s got someone to identify with or whatever, but for some reason it makes him feel even worse. Like it was okay to think Jared was totally unattainable because he was straight, but now Jensen has to face all of the real reasons why he’ll never have anything more than friendship with Jared. And anyways, it’s not like Jared’s going to be his homo guidance counselor, now. He’s just his trainer. It means nothing.
Jared clenches his jaw. He shakes his head and says, “Well, I guess you need some time to let it sink in. Sorry I kinda dropped that bomb on you. I thought-never mind. Let’s pick up the pace for a bit. Give me fifteen minutes.”
He increases the speed and incline on Jensen’s treadmill and walks away.
* * *
Group chat that night is strange. There’s a weird tension among the trainers, and the cattle alternate between confused and afraid. Something is up.
For one thing, the trainers are all huddled together on one side of the room, which is odd. Generally the trainers sit interspersed with the herd, next to their assigned client. In just about every session, someone usually breaks down and cries, and the trainers are there to pat their backs and hug them and stuff. But not tonight.
Tonight when Jensen walks in and looks for his seat next to Jared, he sees Jared flanked on both sides by Tom and Chad, and the rest of the trainers are in the adjoining seats. He’s embarrassed by the sizzle of disappointment he feels in his gut when he has to go take a seat next to Allie on the opposite side of the circle. He’s got to get past this whole crush thing he’s got going on.
Just because Jared is gay and nice to him does not mean anything. It means nothing. Jared is gay, fine. But Jared is also getting paid to help Jensen out. And that means he needs to encourage Jensen and build a relationship with him. It doesn’t mean anything else. It doesn’t.
So Jensen sits and waits. Tries to catch Jared’s eye, but Jared’s decidedly not looking at him.
The tension breaks when Sandy claps her hands and tells everyone to settle down so they can get started.
“Tonight,” she says, “we’re going to talk about passing judgment.” She looks around the room slowly, making her delivery somehow more dramatic.
The cattle all look at one another, slightly confused, but the trainers all look unified in their expressions.
“We’ve all been judged unfairly before by others.” Sandy’s speaking slowly and loudly, and her voice echoes around the room. She smiles. “I know many of you think you corner the market on being judged unfairly, maybe because of your weight or your physical abilities. But I can promise you that every single one of us,” she gestures to the trainers, “have also suffered our fair share of prejudice.”
“No matter who you are, you are going to face harsh criticism from people at some point in your life, and you need to learn to love yourself enough to just let it go when that happens.”
Jensen looks down at his knees. He hates these ‘love yourself’ pep talks.
“So tonight we’re going to go around the circle and each share one thing about ourselves that we’ve been teased about, or judged unfairly for, and talk about how that made us feel. Ideally it will be something you’ve overcome, so that we have stories of triumph instead of getting all depressed, but whatever you want to talk about is fair game. Any questions?”
The room is silent.
She smiles. “Okay, then, who wants to start? Whoever goes first gets to pick who goes next, so don’t be shy.”
Tom clears his throat. “I’ll start.”
Jensen shares a doubtful look with Frank. It’s hard to imagine Tom being met with any reaction besides open admiration his whole life.
“When I was a kid, I had trouble keeping up in school. Playing sports and making friends wasn’t a problem for me, but I had a real hard time academically, because of my dyslexia.”
Jensen stares openly at Tom. Huh. He never would have guessed. Not that dyslexia is something you can see, but still, it’s strange picturing Tom having any problems at all.
“Nowadays, there are lots of methods for helping dyslexic kids learn. But back then, if you couldn’t read well, or had poor spelling, you were dumb. And even though I knew that I wasn’t dumb, I just couldn’t do better. I couldn’t get things right.”
“And kids, you know.” He chuckles lowly to himself. “Kids can be pretty cruel.”
Pretty much everyone in the circle nods in unison.
“Even when I got to high school, that crap followed me. I had lots of friends, guys I played football with and stuff. But even my friends would sometimes rag on me. Called me Zoolander.”
Jensen bites his lip but Chad full on snickers. Tom shoves him good-naturedly.
“Shut up dude! It’s not my fault I’m really, really, ridiculously good looking.”
That pulls a laugh out of pretty much everyone.
Tom looks around and smiles. “So yeah, it made me feel like shit. But I got through it. And when I learned to ask for help, I got better. And I did fantastic in college and grad school and my life hasn’t suffered because of my learning disability. Compared to coping with the teasing of a bunch of eleven year olds, conquering my dyslexia was really not hard at all.”
Jared pats Tom on the back and Jensen’s gaze is drawn to him once again. He’s really achingly gorgeous. Even sitting next to Tom, who Jensen had sworn was the best looking guy he’d ever seen when he first set eyes on him, Jared looks incredible. It’s funny, but after only a couple of weeks, Tom just looks like a regular guy to Jensen, and Jared-Jared’s so beautiful Jensen can’t even breathe sometimes.
“So.” Tom claps his hands together and looks around the circle. “Sandy. I’m gonna throw it back to you, hon. What’ve you got?”
Sandy smiles and Jensen thinks they must have already shared all of these things with each other. The story telling is probably more to get the cattle to feel at ease. Sandy’s going to tell some story about how she had snaggly teeth and used to wear head-gear in school and people called her-
“When I was twelve years old, my entire family died in a plane crash.”
A shocked gasp escapes most of the people in the room. Allison, who is sitting next to Sandy, grabs her hand and squeezes it.
Sandy smiles and hugs Allie. “It’s okay. It was a long time ago. And, I mean, it was awful. Not so much losing them that day, but losing a little more of them every day since then. It sucks that I can’t remember whether it was my mom or my aunt that used to sing me to sleep. It’s all kind of a blur.” She shrugs.
“Anyway, you can guess why I got teased. I mean, I was an orphan. Kids called me Annie and got all weird around me. Even if they weren’t teasing me, even if they were trying to be nice, it was awful. Once, around Thanksgiving, some of my friends brought in canned food and gave it to me, like I was homeless or something.”
She shakes her head and laughs. “And don’t even get me started on all of the ‘yo'
mama’ jokes that just ended in a haze of awkward around me.”
Jensen gapes at her. It suddenly seems so silly that he's feeling sorry for himself just because he’s fat. After all, he can change being fat. He can lose weight; he knows that now. Sandy can’t change anything that will bring her family back.
She lifts her head and there are tears sparkling in her eyes. “And I wish it hadn’t happened-every day I wish that. But you know what? I was raised by my aunt and uncle and they are fantastic. I have had a great life. I just wish people could have seen me for me and not some tragedy.”
Allison full on hugs her this time. When she pulls back, Sandy sniffs and smiles. “Okay, um.” She looks around the circle, eyes lighting on Ernesto. “Neneto, tell us your sob story.”
Ernesto grins, and then looks shifty for a moment. “Okay, but, you guys gotta promise not to laugh.”
Chad speaks up right away. “Nobody’s gonna laugh at anyone, Nen. You do your thing.”
Ernesto beams at Chad. He leans forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees and looking like he’s about to tell a ghost story.
“Okay, so, the thing is-” he pauses dramatically, “I work in the adult entertainment industry.”
There’s not really a reaction from anyone, other than blank stares around the whole circle. Ernesto looks disappointed.
“Porn,” he says. “I make my money from porn.”
Silence.
Ernesto throws himself back in his chair, annoyed. “Fine, whatever, don’t believe me. That’s not the point anyways.”
Chad coughs. “Aw, Nen-” he starts.
“Don’t you ‘Nen’ me, Chadito. It’s my turn to talk!”
Chad raises his hands in surrender.
“I got lots of money! I drive a Mercedes! You see this Rolex? It cost fifty grand!”
Nobody knows where Ernesto is going with this except for Ernesto.
“You know where I get that money? I’ll tell you. Filming amateur porn in my condo in South Beach and posting it to the internet. My two buddies from school and I own three of the top pay-for-porn websites on the Internet!” He glances around the room at the shocked faces. “And there’s nothing wrong with that!” His voice rises to a high-pitched yell. “It’s all perfectly legal. I make money, I pay my mortgage, I own my car outright. Hell, I’ve paid off my parent’s house and cars, and do you think they say ‘thank you’? Do you think they’re proud of me? Of what a success I am? Well they’re not. They’re not. They have a fucking parade when my dumbass sister made manager at the Pollo Tropical, but do they care that I cleared a hundred and fifty grand last month, after taxes?”
Chad makes a choking noise.
“It’s like, they look down on me! All of them. My aunts and cousins and everyone. Like, I should be frying yucca instead of having girls that look like you,” he points at Sandy and Danny, “sliding around naked covered in Vaseline in my guest room. In what world does that make sense?”
Jensen would have bet his entire life savings on Ernesto saying anything other than what he just said. He looks around the circle. Allison has a hand covering her mouth. Chad looks like he’s going to pee in his chair.
Finally, Jared says something.
“So, Ernesto,” he says slowly. “Your family has unfairly judged you because of your career choice?”
Ernesto seems to deflate at that. “That’s right,” he says petulantly.
Jared looks slightly pained. “That counts,” he says.
“If it makes you feel any better, Nen,” Chad says. “I think you are the most perverted guy I ever met. And I’ve got a whole lot of respect for that.”
Ernesto gives him a watery smile. “Thanks man.”
“And for a hundred and fifty grand I will cover myself in Vaseline and fuck anyone you put in front of me.”
Everyone laughs, and the mood is lifted. The game continues, revealing more and more surprising facts about trainers and cattle alike.
Strangely enough, not one person has mentioned anything about being teased or judged for being fat. It’s weird, because when Sandy had initially explained the rules, Jensen had worried about coming up with something original, guessing that everyone would have used the poor-fat-me routine. Now he’s panicking that he doesn’t have anything deeper than that.
The only person who comes close to talking about their appearance is Chad, who launches into the story about how hard it was for him to become a trainer, since he’s naturally pretty scrawny. He makes everyone laugh when he talks about how he used to hang out at Gleason’s gym in Brooklyn and ask these huge boxers if they wanted him to help them get in better shape.
“I mean, when this one dude told me he ate guys like me for breakfast, I thought he just might have been serious.”
And of course, Chad has Jared to thank for his success. Jared who never judged him for how he looked. Jared who befriended him in college and said, Sure, you can be anything you want to be; why not?
“JT over here helped me out a lot,” he says. “You wouldn’t believe it now, but when we met? He was skinnier than me!”
The group mutters in disbelief and Jensen feels a surge of pride for Jared in his chest.
Chad’s smiling and laughing all the way through the story, but Jensen can see just how proud he is of himself now, that he’s doing this. That he’s helping people get healthy and that there’s not a single person in the room who doesn’t believe he can help them succeed.
Luckily, when it’s down to just the two of them left, Chad chooses Jared to go next. He’s still smiling, laughing a little from Chad’s story, when he says, “So, alright. I’m gay.”
And now Jensen is fucked. Because Jared is talking, which means there’s no reason not to look at him. And there’s no way Jensen can look at him without wanting him. Without wishing things between them were different. More.
Also, Jared’s revelation is a surprise to exactly no one. Apparently Jensen was the last to know.
“And I know that’s nothing to be ashamed of and that I’m not the only gay guy in the world-”
“Or maybe even in this room,” Tom says with a wide grin. Thankfully he doesn’t look at Jensen, but Jensen feels the implication as if Tom had held a neon sign over his head.
“Well, uh, yeah. Maybe,” Jared says with a smile before he shakes his hair out of his face and continues, rambling in the most adorable way. “But I guess, y’know. I grew up in Texas, right? And it’s not the most open-minded of places. And when I came out, I actually-”
He quiets suddenly and runs one hand across his face. “I actually lost some good friends. And family, come to think of it. I’ve got a whole set of cousins that won’t see me anymore. Won’t even talk to my mama. Because of me.”
Jensen’s talking before his brain is on board. “Not because of you. Because of them.”
Jared looks up, surprised. His eyes meet Jensen’s for the first time that night, and Jensen loses his train of thought. He can’t remember what he was going to say, only that it was important. But once Jared smiles at him, nothing else in the world seems more important than getting him to do it again.
“That’s right,” Jared says. “No, you’re absolutely right. It took me a long while to realize it, but I finally did understand that it was their problem. Not mine. They chose to walk away from me. I’m not hurting anyone by being myself. So yeah, I’ve lost some friends. But they were never really true friends if they couldn’t accept me for who I am. And I know some people have to pretend, try to be someone they’re not, but not me. I’m never going to hide again.”
He’s staring right at Jensen as he speaks, and Jensen feels like he’s been pinned under a microscope. Jensen looks away, finds everyone else looking at him expectantly. He starts to panic.
“I’m not hiding,” Jensen blurts out. “I’m gay, and I don’t care who knows it.”
“You can’t use that one-” Frank starts to say.
“You’re gay?” Jared asks, looking unsettled.
“He can’t use the same one as Jared, can he?” Frank seems unusually concerned with the rules of the game, but nobody is paying him much attention.
Jensen looks up at Jared and blushes. “Yeah. I mean. I assume so.”
Jared cocks his head in question, clearly not catching Jensen’s drift. It’s fine though. Jensen has no particular need to clarify that he’s had pretty much zero sexual experience to a room full of-well. They’re not strangers anymore, are they? But they’re not people Jensen wants to talk about his lack of sex life with. Especially Jared.
Sandy interrupts quietly. “And have you been unfairly judged for being gay, Jensen?”
Jensen looks at her, confused for a moment until he remembers the whole point of this shit show.
“Uh. No. I. I guess not.”
He sneaks a glance back at Jared, who is leaned forward in his chair, focused on Jensen with an intensity that sends a thrill through him.
“To be honest, I don’t think anyone’s ever given a moment’s thought about my-about my sexuality.” Jensen can feel his face heat and his ears burn. “I think people just think I don’t-don’t have sex. Which, I mean, I don’t, but. I still have, y’know. Feelings. And, like, desires-or whatever.”
The word is so embarrassing it trips on his tongue. What the fuck is he doing? Sitting around fat camp talking to people about his desires?
“Has anyone said something to you along those lines?” Sandy’s voice is soothing. “That they think of you as asexual?”
Jensen shakes his head quickly. “Nobody’s ever said anything outright, y’know? But I just. I can tell they’re thinking it. Or just, not thinking it, which is more of the problem, really. I’m just. Invisible.”
Jensen looks around the circle, expecting to see some empathy. His is absolutely the least weird of any of the things said at group chat tonight. But nobody is giving any indication that they understand.
“You said you don’t have sex. Why not?”
This time it’s Jared asking the question, and Jensen wants to stab himself in the eye for letting that fact slip out. Because the last person he wants to discuss his unfortunate celibacy with is Jared.
But Jared just waits for a response.
Jensen snorts derisively. “It’s not like I can just decide to have sex.” He was hoping it would come out bitter but instead it sounds pathetic.
Thank god for Danny, who takes pity on him and makes a joke. “Well, for a hundred and fifty grand you can apparently pay Chad to Vaseline up and-”
Jensen barks out a laugh and holds up a hand. “Don’t even finish that sentence, please.”
“You want to know what I think?” Jared’s voice is low and clear over the laughter of the group.
Jensen’s internal response flip-flops between not particularly and more than anything in the whole wide world.
“I think you’re being unfairly judged as sexually undesirable. I think someone is making you feel invisible. Someone is trying to convince you that you’re unworthy of physical affection. That you’re not sexy, or maybe even unlovable.”
All of those things ring pretty true to Jensen.
And then Jared finishes with, “And I’m pretty sure that person is you.”
Jensen feels like he’s just been kicked in the nuts, but Sandy says, “Yes!” and the others are all nodding so maybe Jared’s got a point.
There's a horrible clench in Jensen's chest, and he can’t breathe properly. But he raises his head, looks around, and says, “Huh,” as if he’s thinking it over and maybe seeing the light.
“You’re the only one who sees yourself that way, Jensen,” Jared says softly.
The others look dubious, and Jensen knows, deep down inside, that Jared’s wrong. That Jared’s got some sort of retarded goggles on that prevent him from seeing what anyone really looks like. He just sort of-sees the potential in people, which is crazy, but also part of what makes him the kind of guy who would set about changing his own life and then take on everyone else’s.
He feels ridiculous when Sandy gets up and hugs him. He wants to yell, Your entire family is dead! How is my low self-esteem sadder than that? but the truth is, he’s happy for the hug.
When group chat is over, Jared walks out with him. Jensen realizes only now how weird it felt to walk over to the conference center without Jared. Now Jared’s by his side again, and the world seems like a better place.
“So,” Jensen says, eager to break the tense silence they’ve got going on. “Do you think Nenet’s Vaseline porn is any good?”
Jared grins at him and laughs.
* * *
At the end of week eight, Jensen drops another eight pounds, and hits two ninety-nine. It’s a milestone, Jared says, and everyone hugs him.
Even though he won’t admit it to Jared or Dr. Kaufman, Jensen’s pretty excited about getting his weight down into the two-hundreds. It makes Jensen feel sort of exposed when he admits he’s happy about his weight loss, like it’s going to go away once he relaxes and smiles or laughs about it. So he just keeps his head down and his eyes on the prize and all that other bullshit.
Jared, however, decides to throw a party in the trainer’s quarters.
* * *
It’s probably been around twenty years since Jensen has been to a party and done anything other than stand around by the food table and graze. But the food table at Jared and Chad’s party is covered in celery sticks and baby carrots and raisins that are coated with some brown chewy stuff that everyone says is supposed to taste like chocolate but absolutely does not, so it’s really not all that tempting.
“Lookin’ good tonight, Jensen.”
Jensen startles as Danny nudges his shoulder. “Oh, hey Dan.” He turns and smiles. “Uh, thanks. Yeah. Got some new clo-” He trails off when he finally takes a good look at her.
“Wow.” He’s totally taken aback. Danny looks amazing. She’s wearing a tightly fitted dress that hugs her every curve, with a dramatic draping backless detail. Her auburn hair is swept up and away from her face. Jensen’s eyes follow the line from her long neck down to where the dress begins, which is right at the curve of her ass. Her back is pale, her skin is flawless. “Dan, you look. You’re gorgeous.”
She smiles and looks down, running her hands down her hips to smooth out invisible wrinkles in the fabric. “Aw, this old thing?” She’s glib, but Jensen can see her cheeks pinking a bit. “You guys just aren’t used to seeing us out of our gym clothes.”
Jensen pauses for a moment, surprised that someone so clearly perfect could be shy about taking a compliment. He may not have much experience in the romance department, but he recognizes his old friend insecurity a mile away.
“That’s nuts,” Jensen says with a laugh, shaking his head. “I mean, I get why I can’t take a compliment, but you? You’re so hot you don’t even look real.”
For a humiliating second Jensen wants to swallow that whole sentence back down. No wonder he never got anywhere with women. He says the lamest shit sometimes.
Danny lifts her chin and smiles, biting her bottom lip. “Thank you, Jensen. And just because you just told me you have a hard time taking compliments, I’m going to have to tell you that you're looking mighty fine yourself.”
Jensen forces himself to smile and thank her for the compliment, knowing turnaround is fair play. He is wearing new clothes, since he’d finally gone out and bought a new pair of jeans and some shirts that fit him after losing nearly seventy pounds. He’s still shopping in the big and tall stores, but he’s in the smaller sizes, rather than the largest. So yeah, that makes Jensen happy, but he knows he’s still really, really overweight.
“I know what you’re thinking,” she says. “You’re thinking about all of the weight you have left to lose. You’re trying not to be happy with the weight you’ve lost. But let me fill you in on a secret.”
She leans closer to him, and Jensen breathes in her scent. She smells really good, sweet and clean. Something is going on, because Jensen, well. Jensen kind of maybe sort of wants to kiss Danny. Jensen is thinking about kissing a girl. He wonders what it would be like with a sort of intellectual curiosity.
“We’ve been working you so hard, not just cardio for the weight loss, but building up muscle. That means your body is changing shape faster than the weight is coming off. You look even better than the scale says you do.”
She runs a hand across Jensen’s shoulders and down his arm, giving his bicep a squeeze. Jensen surprises them both when he flexes and his muscle shifts against her hand.
“Wowsa,” she says, and they both laugh.
This is flirting, Jensen thinks. I’m flirting. With a girl. A beautiful girl. Who am I?
“You should go show your boy that trick.” She says it with a wink.
“I. We. He’s not my boy.” Smooth exterior all shaken up, he sputters, “Plus, he’s busy dancing.” He’d spotted Jared’s head bouncing above the crowd when he walked in.
Danny laughs and pats Jensen on the shoulder. “He’s not your boy, and yet you knew exactly who I was talking about?”
Jensen blushes. “It’s not like that. We’re not, uh-we’re just friends.”
Danny hums but doesn’t argue the point. “Why don’t you go dance with him?” She nudges his shoulder towards the clearing in the living room where a bunch of people have claimed the makeshift dance floor. “It’ll be fun, and it’s good exercise.”
Jensen rolls his eyes at her. “Did you seriously just say that?”
Danny laughs and then raises her eyebrows and smiles at something over Jensen’s shoulder. When he turns to see what she’s looking at, he’s finds himself face to neck with Jared.
“Jensen!” Jared yells. “You came!”
Before Jensen can say, Yeah, of course I came, Jared’s wrapped him in a full body hug, smooshing Jensen’s face into his chest. When he pulls back, Jensen gets a good look at Jared, and his mouth goes dry.
Maybe Danny’s got a point. Maybe it’s just the shock of seeing the trainers wearing something other than their gym clothes. Maybe he’s just amazingly horny after thirty fucking years of no sex. But Jensen’s spent hours, days and weeks observing just how hot Jared is, how tight his body is, how beautiful his face is, how soft his hair looks. It shouldn’t be a surprise to him anymore.
And yet now, seeing Jared in a navy blue button-down, sleeves rolled up to his forearms, shirttails tucked into the waist of his low slung jeans, Jensen feels like he’s just been punched in the gut. Jared’s waist is so cut that the belt he’s wearing is tugging his jeans lower on his hips instead of holding them up. They’d probably be falling off if it weren’t for his amazingly perky ass and his strong thighs. His neck and collarbone are shiny with sweat, and the top three buttons of his shirt are undone.
“You need a drink. How ‘bout I go get you a-” Jared freezes in mid-sentence. He takes a step back and surveys Jensen from head to toe.
“Well hot damn, Jensen Ackles!” Jared says, smiling appreciatively at Jensen’s new jeans and snug-fitting black long-sleeved t-shirt.
“Show him that thing,” Danny says, and oh, right. Jensen had forgotten she was even standing there.
“What thing?” Jared asks, eyes twinkling.
“Feel this.” Danny grabs Jared’s hand and puts it on Jensen’s bicep.
Jared looks at Jensen in amusement. “Is something supposed to be happening?”
Jensen flexes, and Jared’s eyes go wide. “Holy crap! Do that again!”
Jensen does, grinning, and Jared lets go and does a ridiculous victory dance.
“That’s my boy!” Jared yells and points at Jensen with both hands, voice clearly audible over the music. “That’s my boy.”
Jensen flushes and prays nobody is looking at them. Danny takes the opportunity to lean over and whisper in his ear, “Told you.”
“That deserves a celebration. I’mma get you a drink. What’s your poison?”
Jensen looks up at Jared, cheeks flushed and happy. “Um. I’m not drinking.”
Jared beams. “That’s right, you’re not. Empty calories and hangovers are not for you. Good boy.” He tugs Jensen into his chest again and ruffles Jensen’s hair. “But I am drinking, and I am thirsty, so I’ll be right back. I’ll bring you water.”
Jensen nods, smiling.
Jared backs away, not breaking eye contact with Jensen. “Don’t you move.” He points at Jensen. “I’ll be right back.”
“Wow. It’s worse than I thought.”
Jensen looks back at Danny with one eyebrow raised.
“Don’t tell me you don’t see that? He’s falling all over himself for you!”
“You’re crazy.”
“And you’re blind.” Danny grins at him. “Try keeping your eyes open for once, Ackles. Good luck.” She squeezes his hand and walks away just as Jared is shouldering his way back through the crowd. He hands Jensen a bottle of water and pushes his sweat-damp hair behind his ears.
“Where’s your drink?” Jensen looks pointedly at Jared’s empty hands.
“Oh, uh. I did a shot. In the kitchen.” He shrugs his shoulder. “Or maybe two.” He grins and Jensen feels his heart flutter.
Jared tugs at Jensen’s arm. “C’mon, let’s dance.”
“Uh uh.” Jensen holds his position. “I don’t dance.”
“What?” Jared schools his expression into exaggerated shock. “You have to dance. It’s in the gay Terms of Service.”
“Is that right? Guess I didn’t read the fine print.”
“Trust me, all gays dance. You just need a little nudge in the right direction.” Jared stands on his tip toes and waves his hands at Chad, who is currently manning the music.
Jensen looks around for a place to hide. Whatever Jared’s doing can’t be good.
“Murray!” Jared yells across the dancing crowd. “We need some homo music, stat!”
Chad gives him a thumbs up and two seconds later the beat changes. The music sounds familiar, but Jensen can’t place it exactly. It sounds like-Oh no.
“Is this George Michael?” Jensen asks in disbelief.
He doesn’t get an answer, but Jared tugs him into the crowd, bopping around like a lunatic. He can’t help but smile; Jared’s kind of an awful dancer, but he’s really enjoying himself. So Jensen shuffles his feet a bit and tries not to make too much of an idiot of himself.
Not content with flailing around like a windmill, Jared starts to sing along to the music. Loudly.
“Well I guess it would be nice! If I could touch your body,” Jared sings while shaking his ass at Jensen.
“Dude,” Jensen laughs. “Shut up.”
“I know not everybody! Has got a body like you,” Jared yells. “But I gotta think twice! Before I give my heart away, and I know all the games you play, because I’ve played them too.”
Jensen covers his face with his hands while Jared points at him and dances around like a maniac. “C’mon Jensen!” Jensen shouts cheerfully. “Doesn’t this inspire you to write a song?”
Jensen chokes back a laugh. “Um, actually, it inspires me to never listen to music. Ever again.”
Jared makes a fist and sings into it like a microphone. “Oh, I need some time off from that emotion! Some time to pick my heart up off the floor-”
“How did I not realize that you were gay?” Jensen says. “You are a complete fruitcake.”
Jared just winks at him and blows him a kiss. After that, it’s really impossible for Jensen to be embarrassed at all by anything he does. He gets into the music, and after a few songs, he finds himself slightly winded and kind of sweaty. Huh. It is a good workout after all.
* * *
Jensen hasn’t had a drop of alcohol the whole night, but he still feels kind of drunk. Everyone’s been commenting on how good he looks, and it’s starting to sink in. Plus, Jared hasn’t left his side all night, and that’s-really nice.
Jared, on the other hand, is actually drunk. Not totally incoherent, but definitely louder and looser than normal. Plus, he’s even more touchy-feely with Jensen than usual, which is really saying something.
They’re flopped side-by-side on the couch, watching their friends dance. Jensen’s particularly interested in watching Danny, who’s dancing with a gorgeous dark-haired guy. The guy has both hands low on Danny’s back, and one hand is creeping steadily towards her ass. They’re pretty much only technically dancing, more like grinding against each other, and Jensen can’t look away. The curve of Danny’s spine is so mesmerizing, and the guy’s arms are strong, lean and cut.
Watching them grind against each other is making Jensen kind of horny. And Jared’s sitting right there. He feels his dick start to swell in his jeans, and he forces himself to look away.
When he does, he catches Jared just staring at him, almost too close on the couch next to him. Jensen smiles and ducks his head. Busted.
He sees Jared’s face break into a slow smile in his peripheral vision. “That’s Taylor.” Jared’s voice is low and hoarse. “You like him?”
Jensen looks back up at the guy dancing with Danny. “Oh,” he says. He checks out the guy this time, and yeah, yeah, he’s really hot. Jensen likes the way his forearms flex when he strokes Danny’s sides. He tries to imagine what it would feel like to be Danny now, with the guy pressed firm against him, all long, lean muscle. Hard edges pushing against Jensen where he’s softest. He thinks that’s what it would feel like if it were Jared pressed up against him. That big, strong body, arms grabbing him tight. The mental image is doing nothing to discourage his burgeoning hard-on. He hunches forward and rests his elbows on his knees, hoping Jared won’t be able to see the bulge in his jeans.
“You do,” Jared says. “You like him.”
Jensen shrugs. “I guess. I mean, I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” Jared leans closer to Jensen, pressing his warm thigh up against Jensen’s. “Sure you do. Don’t be shy.”
Jensen huffs. “I’m not being shy, dude. I just. I don’t. I don’t really know what I like.”
“You know when you see it, though, right?”
Jensen flushes and he can feel his ears get warm. “It’s not like I’ve had much experience either way. Remember?” He points at himself. “Virgin?”
“Yeah, but.” Jared’s voice has gone deeper. “You’ve done some stuff, right? Fooled around a little?” When Jensen doesn’t respond, Jared says, “Nothing? Not even kissing?”
Jensen’s face is aflame and he wishes he could sink into the couch.
“Nobody ever-” Jensen trails off. This is too much. Sure, he’s embarrassed himself more than he ever thought he ever would in front of Jared. But this? He never signed up for this brand of humiliation. He shakes his head and looks away.
They’re both quiet, and Jensen thinks maybe Jared’s just going to let it lie, when all of a sudden he feels those big hands on both of his shoulders, tugging him back into the couch.
“Nobody’s ever tried to kiss you, Jensen?” Jared says softly. “I can’t believe that.”
Jensen exhales sharply. “Nobody’s ever wanted to kiss me.” He shakes his head quickly, trying to shrug off the wave of self-pity that threatens to drown him. “I know, boo hoo. Poor me.” He smiles weakly at Jared, trying to lighten the mood.
Jared is looking at him with a strange expression. “I promise you, Jensen.” His voice breaks a bit. “Someone definitely has wanted to kiss you. You just probably didn’t pick up on it, because you’re so fucked in the head.” His eyes drop down to Jensen’s mouth and catch there. “In fact, I promise you that there is at least one person at this party tonight who wants to kiss you. Right now.”
Jensen’s breath gets caught somewhere in his throat. He looks at Jared, trying not to seem too hopeful, and gives him a shaky smile. “Yeah?”
“God, yeah.” Jared sways towards him, face only inches away from Jensen’s. Time seems to freeze, if not for the music blaring. Jensen’s heart is pounding and his hands are sweating and he feels like a million ants are churning around in his stomach, but he wants this. He wants Jared to kiss him so much it’s like a physical ache.
Sadly, Jared seems to remember himself and the moment fizzles away. He pulls back and looks around. “Wow, it’s getting late. We, uh, we need to be in the gym pretty early tomorrow morning.”
Jensen sags in disappointment. What was he thinking anyway? That Jared would actually want-
“I should probably walk you back to the dorms.”
When Jensen looks up, Jared is smiling at him hazily. He’s definitely drunk, but also looks a little-hopeful.
“Uh,” Jensen says suavely. Is this-? Is this what he thinks it is? Is Jared trying to get him alone? Because Jensen is so very down with that plan, if only he knew for sure that’s what the plan was. He rubs at the back of his neck and his cheeks flush. “That would be, uh, good?”
Jared levers his long body off of the couch and extends a hand to Jensen. When Jensen grabs his forearm, Jared’s fingers tickle above his wrist in a way that makes Jensen actually start to lose his footing.
“Right, uh. Yeah. Thanks.”
Jared doesn’t let go of Jensen’s wrist as he heads towards the door. As they make their way through the crowd on the makeshift dance floor, Jensen catches Danneel’s gaze. She winks knowingly at him and he can’t do anything other than blush and grin shyly. She gives him the thumbs up as Jared pulls him out of the cottage and into the night.
As soon as the cool air hits them, Jensen starts to panic. What if Jared does try to kiss him? What does he do? At this point, he can’t decide which is worse, if Jared does or doesn’t want to kiss him.
“So, how about you?”
Jensen’s dazed and not sure which conversation Jared is picking up. “Huh?”
“You’ve never tried to kiss anyone? Just sat around waiting to be kissed?” Jared knocks his shoulder against Jensen’s as they walk through the wooded path. “That’s no way to get things done, son. You gotta put yourself out there.”
Jensen shrugs. “Well, yeah, I know, but.”
“But what?” Jared’s voice goes soft. “Don’t you want to?”
Jensen looks at him, and feels certain that the conversation has shifted somehow, and he’s left on shaky ground. “Uh, yeah. Yes. I want, uh. Yes.”
Jared chuckles and presses closer to him. “So?” He smiles. “What are you waitin’ for?”
Jensen stares at him for a moment. Is Jared-? Is Jared asking Jensen to kiss him? Or is he just asking about Jensen’s love life to be friendly? What is going on? Either way, he looks like he’s waiting for an answer, so Jensen just starts blurting out the truth.
“Well, at first I was waiting for someone else to do it, and then it didn’t happen, and now it’s like, I never have, and it’s been so long and everyone else has, so now it’s, I don’t know, it’s become a thing, and-”
Right in the middle of his blubbering Jared’s mouth presses against his and shuts him right up. Jared’s lips are warm and dry, and press firmly against Jensen’s in a brief yet unmistakable kiss.
Jensen flails for a moment. Doesn’t know where to put his hands or if he should open his mouth and by the time he figures it out Jared is pulling back.
“Oh,” Jensen says. What he means to say is, Please, God. Don’t stop.
Jared pushes his own hair out of his eyes and smiles. “There,” he says. “Now it’s not a thing anymore.”
It’s dark out, but Jensen could swear that Jared is blushing, which would be a first.
“Right,” Jensen says. “Uh. Thanks?”
“Anytime,” Jared says, voice low and husky.
Jensen swallows, and is about to say, Okay, then how about right now? when Jared starts walking again, picking up on their previous conversation.
“So, you never kissed any girls either?”
It takes Jensen a second to realize he’s supposed to be walking too, so he jogs to catch up to Jared before answering.
“Nope. Well. Almost.” He laughs. “When I was a kid, I got locked in a closet with this girl and we were supposed to kiss, I think, but she had these crazy braces and I was afraid I’d cut my mouth up. It was one of those dumb party games.”
Jared raises an eyebrow and grins. “Like Spin the Bottle?”
Jensen blushes again and is glad that Jared probably can’t tell in the darkness. “No bottles that I can recall. I think it essentially just involved geting locked in a closet with someone.”
“Ah,” Jared says with a knowing tone, “Seven Minutes in Heaven.”
“That’s what it’s called?” Jensen shakes his head. “It was more like thirty seconds of abject terror.”
Jared laughs. “Actually, my first time fooling around with a guy was because of that game.”
Jensen tries not to sound shocked, but he’s not sure he pulls it off. “You got locked in a closet with a boy?”
Jared doesn’t look at him, but Jensen can hear the fond smile in his voice. “Nah. I was sleeping at my buddy TJ’s house after this girl’s birthday party. Suzy Becker. And we’d both taken turns in the closet with Suzy that day.”
“Suzy sounds like a little slut,” Jensen says.
Jared laughs. “Dude! We were thirteen!”
Jensen laughs along with him, enjoying the easy camaraderie, but also wanting to hear the rest of Jared’s story.
“So anyway,” Jared says. “TJ and I were comparing notes, you know? ‘Did you get any tongue?’ and ‘I touched her boob,’ and shit, and then-” He coughs and shrugs. “Wow, we got here fast.”
Jensen looks around and can’t help feeling disappointed that all he got out of the secluded walk was a peck on the mouth and half of a teenage sex story.
“That’s okay. Bed can wait a few more minutes. You can finish your story,” Jensen prompts.
Jared clears his throat. “You probably don’t want to hear about this stuff. Not from your trainer, anyway.” Jensen can read Jared’s thoughts perfectly when he draws his eyebrows together in a frown and says, “It’s actually pretty inappropriate of me to-”
Jensen swallows thickly. He grabs Jared’s hand clumsily, and before he can think too much about it he blurts out, “You’re more than my trainer, Jared.”
Jared twists his hand in Jensen’s grip, so that they’re palm to palm, and squeezes. He steps right up to Jensen, pushing into his personal space. “Yeah?”
They’re moving now, Jared forward, Jensen backward, until he feels the wall of the dorm building against his back. And Jared’s at his front, closing in.
“Yeah,” Jensen says.
“How much more?”
Jared’s voice sounds wrecked. He sounds hoarse and horny and Jensen wants to clutch at him and drag him closer. Jensen tries to answer, but the only sound that comes out of his mouth is a weird little whimper.
“’Cause I gotta tell you. I want to be so much more than your trainer, Jensen. So much more.”
Jared nuzzles Jensen’s face, trailing his lips over Jensen’s eyelids and nose. When Jensen tilts his head up, Jared doesn’t hesitate. He takes Jensen’s mouth in a rough kiss, easily parting Jensen’s lips with his tongue and pushing inside.
Jensen feels himself yielding completely, letting Jared press against him and hold him to the wall. It’s hotter than any fantasy Jensen’s ever had and so he holds still for fear of doing something wrong. Something that might make Jared stop.
But Jared does stop, long enough to growl, “Kiss me back, Jensen. Show me what you want.”
So Jensen kisses him back. Tentatively at first, but the next time Jared pushes his tongue in between Jensen’s lips, Jensen sucks at it, pulling it into his mouth with soft little tugs. Jared groans against his mouth, and Jensen imagines it’s the head of Jared’s cock that he’s sucking on, teasing it, tasting it. And oh yeah, that’s what he wants.
They kiss until Jensen is stupid with it, lips numb and head spinning. A couple of times Jensen thinks Jared is going to take things further, but he holds himself back, keeps his hands against Jensen’s wrists, pinning him to the wall.
When Jared pulls back, he rests his forehead against Jensen’s and chuckles. “Right. So, I should let you get to bed.”
Jensen just pants softly and leans forward for another kiss. His lips are puffy and tingly, but his mouth feels tender, hungry for more. Jared cups his face in both hands and kisses him gently, once, twice and then he’s pulling away for good this time.
“Jesus, your mouth. I could just-” Jared shakes his head, like he needs to clear his mind of the very thought.
“You could,” Jensen offers. “I’d let you.”
“Oh for Christ’s sake, don’t do this to me.” Jared wipes his face and sighs, still clearly a little drunk. “I gotta get back and take care of this.” He gestures at the obvious tent in his jeans and stumbles back a few steps.
The very thought makes Jensen’s sensitive mouth flood with saliva. “Or I could-”
“Jensen! Go to bed.”
Jensen knows Jared’s just trying to be a good guy or whatever, but he pouts anyways. This was his first real kiss, after all, and it was awesome. He’s got every reason to believe that whatever comes next with Jared will be awesome too, and he wants to get started on that stuff right away.
All of a sudden, Jared is back in his space, grabbing his face and kissing him gently.
“Jensen, there is plenty of time for this. There’s going to be plenty of time for us. Trust me.”
Jensen looks up at Jared, and can’t imagine trusting any human being more than he trusts Jared. He trusts Jared with his life, in every sense of the word.
“I do,” Jensen says.
“Good boy,” Jared says, stepping back, letting his fingers linger in Jensen’s for a moment before he pulls away completely. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
Jensen stays outside until Jared’s out of his sight. He gets changed for bed really slowly, folding his new clothes and putting them carefully away, thinking, This is the shirt I wore when I kissed Jared.
He’s just about settled and starting to drift into sleep when his phone rings. He checks the caller ID, and his heart flip-flops in his chest when he sees Jared’s name.
“Hello?” he says, trying to clear the drowsiness from his voice.
“Did you go right to bed like you promised?”
Jared’s voice is low and gravelly, and Jensen wants him to always sound just like this when they talk.
“Yeah, m’in bed right now.”
“Mmm. Such a good boy. Do just as you’re told, don’t you?” Jensen flushes as he feels how true those words are. It’s essentially the basis of their relationship in the gym. It’s thrilling to imagine it would be like that if they were-more. It’s kind of awesome to know that Jared enjoys taking charge as much as Jensen likes him doing it. “So you liked my story, huh?”
“Yeah,” Jensen says. “Would have liked to hear the rest of it.”
“Hmm. Well, where did I leave off? Oh yeah. He wanted to know if I got hard,” Jared says, voice wavering a bit. “TJ,” he clarifies, before Jensen can interrupt. He sounds winded. “While we were comparing notes about Suzy the seventh grade slut. He asked me if I got hard when I kissed her. And I hadn’t, not while I was kissing Suzy, but all of a sudden I did, when I was talking to TJ about my dick.”
Jared’s breathing kind of loudly into the phone, and he definitely sounds like he’s still really turned on, and the thought that maybe Jared’s jacking off right now sends a shiver through Jensen’s whole body.
“I was so stiff, just sitting there in my shorts with my buddy. And he was hard, too, and we both knew it. So he told me to take it out, that he would if I did.”
“Did you?” Jensen doesn’t care that he sounds breathless and horny.
Jared grunts quietly and Jensen strains to hear more through the crappy dorm room phone.
“Yeah I did. Got my hard little dick right out and started playing with it, and so did TJ. We didn’t touch each other, but I swear we didn’t take our eyes off of each other either.”
Jared’s breath hitches and Jensen’s shocked to feel a pang of jealousy. He’s jealous of Jared’s first homosexual experience. Jealous that it clearly still affects him so strongly. Jealous that just watching this other guy, this other kid, got Jared off in a way that Jensen won’t ever be able to.
“Mmm.” Jared continues. “And I was watchin’ him like a hawk, Jensen. Watching his hands just fly up and down on his stiff prick, and then, out of nowhere, he uses his other hand to rub at his sac and I just, wham! I lost it so fast I got light-headed. Came all over myself.”
Jensen’s got his hand in his shorts now, rubbing at his cock, imagining adolescent Jared creaming himself in front of his buddy.
“Fuck,” Jensen breathes.
“Oh God, Jensen.” Jared’s voice is a quiet, desperate whisper. “Does it get you hard? Are you all big and hard right now, Jensen?” Jensen can’t do anything but whimper. “Tell me,” Jared growls. “I want to know if you’re, oh fuck. Are you as hard as I am right now? Are you touching yourself, Jensen?”
Jensen nods into the phone dumbly, hand twisting at his own cock. He wants to talk to Jared, tell him dirty things. Wants to make Jared come, wants him to moan loudly when he loses it, so Jensen will hear.
“I can hear you,” Jared murmurs. “I can hear those little sounds you’re making. It’s so hot, Jensen. I want to watch you. Want to see it all. See you all hard, all thick for me, and just, oh, oh fuck, Jensen-you don’t know what you did to me tonight. I almost-ah! I almost fucked you right there against the wall, right outside, for anyone to see. Wanted to. Wanted to turn you around and fuck up against you till you screamed and-”
Jensen’s not able to hear the rest of whatever Jared says, because he’s coming so hard the whole world kind of goes hazy.
When he comes back around, he wants to kick himself, because Jared’s clearly coming down from his own orgasm, and Jensen fucking missed it.
“Damn,” he mutters into the phone.
“I’ll say,” Jared answers, and Jensen can hear the grin in his voice.
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