The Event
The Event is almost upon us and at the moment feels like it has gotten a bit away from M and I. We decided to get married helpfully near our parents, who have taken their proximity and our distance as an opportunity to help in many helpful ways.
We're having music, flowers, an after party, a pre party, a pre pre party, a night before get together... all sorts of stuff we didn't really plan for. Or expect. Its a little loose around the edges. And it felt so under control and graspbable a month a go.
Some of that is that the Event isn't really graspable as a concept. A big part of my plan was always to get the people who have been most vital to the development of our relationship (and us as individuals worthy of having a relationship with) into a room with us, and with our focus combined, come up with something meaningful. Say a few words, but precisely which words were never vital to me. Pass along some jewelry, but again, the exact nature or method wasn't held deep in my determination. Mostly, I just wanted to see what this group of very special people could forge around M and I. With M and I. From and to and about M and I. An Us.
And mostly, that's still the plan, just with some less defined than ever points. I think it is good, and possibly better than the tiny, quiet, serious event we had conceived of. You can feel my mother's whirlwind miracles in this, and Aunt Dot's marshaled cheeriness, and M's mom's careful carousing and his father's wry dignity. M's bow to formality and tradition and my stubborn will for the principle of the thing haven't left the Event, just been joined by the essence of our family and friends.
Which, I keep reminding myself while I'm leaning my cheek on a cool surface and debating taking another Xanax, is what I wanted most.
We're having music, flowers, an after party, a pre party, a pre pre party, a night before get together... all sorts of stuff we didn't really plan for. Or expect. Its a little loose around the edges. And it felt so under control and graspbable a month a go.
Some of that is that the Event isn't really graspable as a concept. A big part of my plan was always to get the people who have been most vital to the development of our relationship (and us as individuals worthy of having a relationship with) into a room with us, and with our focus combined, come up with something meaningful. Say a few words, but precisely which words were never vital to me. Pass along some jewelry, but again, the exact nature or method wasn't held deep in my determination. Mostly, I just wanted to see what this group of very special people could forge around M and I. With M and I. From and to and about M and I. An Us.
And mostly, that's still the plan, just with some less defined than ever points. I think it is good, and possibly better than the tiny, quiet, serious event we had conceived of. You can feel my mother's whirlwind miracles in this, and Aunt Dot's marshaled cheeriness, and M's mom's careful carousing and his father's wry dignity. M's bow to formality and tradition and my stubborn will for the principle of the thing haven't left the Event, just been joined by the essence of our family and friends.
Which, I keep reminding myself while I'm leaning my cheek on a cool surface and debating taking another Xanax, is what I wanted most.