My Father
On November 13th 2013, I lost my father. He fought a good fight for the last almost 6 years on dialysis, suffered a total of 1 stroke and then 3 heart attacks. He did not let up, he fought tooth and nail and never let it slow him down.
My heart broke when last Saturday he had his last 2 heart-attacks and we had to make the choice to take him off dialysis as his body could not do it anymore. His mind was there his heart could have taken another beating but his body couldn't fight anymore, so we had to let him go. I was coming back from my last ever appointment at the cancer clinic to tell him that I was finally discharged after 12 yrs and that I was going to be okay, I didnt make it, I was only 20mins away and he was gone when I got there.
I kisses his still warm forehead, held his hand and told him it was okay, that he can visit me any time and that one day I will find him again on the mountains of Italy tending his sheep and sleeping outside like he missed so much.
There is an emptiness inside my heart now that can never be filled, and never should. No person can replace my father, his lessons, love, food, laugh or words. How I wish he could have made it to my wedding next year to dance with me and to just be there, but I know some how he will be. I miss him and will miss him forever, my heart hurts.
I know he isn't hurting anymore and that he is surrounded by loved ones, but I wish I could see him again, talk to him and have him call just to ask me if I ate today.
I love you papa.
My heart broke when last Saturday he had his last 2 heart-attacks and we had to make the choice to take him off dialysis as his body could not do it anymore. His mind was there his heart could have taken another beating but his body couldn't fight anymore, so we had to let him go. I was coming back from my last ever appointment at the cancer clinic to tell him that I was finally discharged after 12 yrs and that I was going to be okay, I didnt make it, I was only 20mins away and he was gone when I got there.
I kisses his still warm forehead, held his hand and told him it was okay, that he can visit me any time and that one day I will find him again on the mountains of Italy tending his sheep and sleeping outside like he missed so much.
There is an emptiness inside my heart now that can never be filled, and never should. No person can replace my father, his lessons, love, food, laugh or words. How I wish he could have made it to my wedding next year to dance with me and to just be there, but I know some how he will be. I miss him and will miss him forever, my heart hurts.
I know he isn't hurting anymore and that he is surrounded by loved ones, but I wish I could see him again, talk to him and have him call just to ask me if I ate today.
I love you papa.