Pre-Con post
Right so it's been most of a month. Life has settled down somewhat. THe drama with the crossdresser has been squashed and we haven't heard from him since, thank The Lord n Lady for that small favor. Work has been booming. The boss and I sat down recently and he gave me a list of stuff he'd like to see happen in order for him to feel comfortable recomending me for the Assistant position when he moves on eventually. By all accounts I'm hitting it across the board. Plus we've been busy as hell of late. Had this one guy come in and drop over $400 on shirts and boots yesterday and that wasn't my only $300+ sale. All in all a rockin time of late.
I had the great good fortune to see Rush, Beyond The Lighted Stage at the Riverview recently. Whether or not you're a fan of what I personally consider to be one of the two greatest rock bands in human history-The Beatles being the other- I recomend this film. It's a brilliant little biopic of the guys. Tells about their lives before the band and traces their history up to present day. It was a riveting film and I'll be buying it when it comes out on DVD.
Interesting side note. I got to the theater and found myself sitting next to a guy who had brought his kids with him. Always cool to see someone raising their wee ones up to appreciate good music. We're sitting in the back of this capacity theater and out of nowhere we just start riffing back and forth with one another. He had this twisted obsession with midgets in bikini's and just started rambling. Being the kinda guy I am I played along. At one point he got to talking about how "You know, that's the weirdest thing I've seen since I was at the pool and bought an ice cream sammich from a midget in a bikini who was selling them out of a donkey cart while wearing a giant sombrero made entirely out of BBQ flavored day old pork rinds." To which I responded "See, I thought the weird part was the fact that the cart was labeled "Tacos" . "Y'know" he said, "that DID strike me as a bit odd." at another he waxed reminiscent about the time a midget in a bikini shaved his grandmas back with a Frito chip loaded with onion dip. Then offered Grandma the onion dip. Turned out she favored ranch dressing. Who knew?
Later on we're still there and this family sits down in front of us. My new friend comments how "Man, ain't that always the way? No matter where you sit in a movie theater or how tall you are somebody taller ALWAYS sits in front of you." "Tell me about it man." I said. "You can be Andre The Giant sitting ON THE STAGE THREE FEET FROM THE STAGE and some guy will will sit in front of you." "Wearing a hat" says he. "Carrying a tuba" says me "With a midget in a bikini riding in the tuba" says him. "Crackin' walnuts" says Bob. "And throwing the shells at Grandma" comes the reply. For some reason they moved.
This was the scene for the next HOUR. We inadvertently managed to keep four seats in a capactity theater EMPTY until just before curtain time. For some reason people kept sitting down and then less than two minutes later spotting better seats ANY THE FRIK WHERE ELSE in the theater. At two minutes to opening credits this foursome sits down and gets comfy. I lean over and start doing my creepy old dude voice which sounds a lot like THe Kurgan from Highlander
"Excuse me. I don't wish to alarm you but those seats are CURSED."
They look at me. "Excuse me?"
"CURSED my friends. The seats in which you sit. They are CURSED! Long ago an ancient Gypsy woman laid a CURSE upon those seats that none may linger in them. You will sit in the CURSED seats. And then, between one minute thirty seconds and two minutes forty-five you will feel an overwhelming compulsion to find other seats in which to sit which are not CURSED for these are the seats which are CURSED. I will now begin the timer on the CURSED seats. Did I happen to mention that they're CURSED?"
The people on either side of me are PISSING THEMSELVES with laughter at this point. The lady on my left gets enough breath to chime in. "It's true. That one in particular that you're sitting in is especially evil. It tried to eat me earlier."
This was actually true. THe lady in question had stepped on the indicated seat in an attmept to get into our row. And promptly got her foot bear-trapped. She spent the next five minutes politely declining all offers of assistance, attempting to extricate herself and responding to each successive failure with an increasingly worse burst of profanity. I spent that same time alternately offering to help and trying not to laugh DIRECTLY AT her plight on the grounds that A) It'd be rude and B)She was going to be sitting in a dark movie theater right next to me for two hours with an indeterminate mix of knives, mental illnesses and adherence to whatever psych meds she may or not be on at the time. Luckily she got free , took her seat and we were able to enjoy the movie. The people in the CURSED seats also enjoyed the movie though it's possible something horrible happened after the film. The band Rush is gifted with many arcane and mystical powers, not the least of which if the ability to temporarily suspend curses. What happened after they left the theater and the benign influence of Geddy Lee's musical Godsmanship is anyones guess. I've a lot more to say but I need to run to the store before work. More in a bit.
I had the great good fortune to see Rush, Beyond The Lighted Stage at the Riverview recently. Whether or not you're a fan of what I personally consider to be one of the two greatest rock bands in human history-The Beatles being the other- I recomend this film. It's a brilliant little biopic of the guys. Tells about their lives before the band and traces their history up to present day. It was a riveting film and I'll be buying it when it comes out on DVD.
Interesting side note. I got to the theater and found myself sitting next to a guy who had brought his kids with him. Always cool to see someone raising their wee ones up to appreciate good music. We're sitting in the back of this capacity theater and out of nowhere we just start riffing back and forth with one another. He had this twisted obsession with midgets in bikini's and just started rambling. Being the kinda guy I am I played along. At one point he got to talking about how "You know, that's the weirdest thing I've seen since I was at the pool and bought an ice cream sammich from a midget in a bikini who was selling them out of a donkey cart while wearing a giant sombrero made entirely out of BBQ flavored day old pork rinds." To which I responded "See, I thought the weird part was the fact that the cart was labeled "Tacos" . "Y'know" he said, "that DID strike me as a bit odd." at another he waxed reminiscent about the time a midget in a bikini shaved his grandmas back with a Frito chip loaded with onion dip. Then offered Grandma the onion dip. Turned out she favored ranch dressing. Who knew?
Later on we're still there and this family sits down in front of us. My new friend comments how "Man, ain't that always the way? No matter where you sit in a movie theater or how tall you are somebody taller ALWAYS sits in front of you." "Tell me about it man." I said. "You can be Andre The Giant sitting ON THE STAGE THREE FEET FROM THE STAGE and some guy will will sit in front of you." "Wearing a hat" says he. "Carrying a tuba" says me "With a midget in a bikini riding in the tuba" says him. "Crackin' walnuts" says Bob. "And throwing the shells at Grandma" comes the reply. For some reason they moved.
This was the scene for the next HOUR. We inadvertently managed to keep four seats in a capactity theater EMPTY until just before curtain time. For some reason people kept sitting down and then less than two minutes later spotting better seats ANY THE FRIK WHERE ELSE in the theater. At two minutes to opening credits this foursome sits down and gets comfy. I lean over and start doing my creepy old dude voice which sounds a lot like THe Kurgan from Highlander
"Excuse me. I don't wish to alarm you but those seats are CURSED."
They look at me. "Excuse me?"
"CURSED my friends. The seats in which you sit. They are CURSED! Long ago an ancient Gypsy woman laid a CURSE upon those seats that none may linger in them. You will sit in the CURSED seats. And then, between one minute thirty seconds and two minutes forty-five you will feel an overwhelming compulsion to find other seats in which to sit which are not CURSED for these are the seats which are CURSED. I will now begin the timer on the CURSED seats. Did I happen to mention that they're CURSED?"
The people on either side of me are PISSING THEMSELVES with laughter at this point. The lady on my left gets enough breath to chime in. "It's true. That one in particular that you're sitting in is especially evil. It tried to eat me earlier."
This was actually true. THe lady in question had stepped on the indicated seat in an attmept to get into our row. And promptly got her foot bear-trapped. She spent the next five minutes politely declining all offers of assistance, attempting to extricate herself and responding to each successive failure with an increasingly worse burst of profanity. I spent that same time alternately offering to help and trying not to laugh DIRECTLY AT her plight on the grounds that A) It'd be rude and B)She was going to be sitting in a dark movie theater right next to me for two hours with an indeterminate mix of knives, mental illnesses and adherence to whatever psych meds she may or not be on at the time. Luckily she got free , took her seat and we were able to enjoy the movie. The people in the CURSED seats also enjoyed the movie though it's possible something horrible happened after the film. The band Rush is gifted with many arcane and mystical powers, not the least of which if the ability to temporarily suspend curses. What happened after they left the theater and the benign influence of Geddy Lee's musical Godsmanship is anyones guess. I've a lot more to say but I need to run to the store before work. More in a bit.