(no subject)
I feel like a loser for being on the computer xmas day, but really, I'm just sort of chilling. Christmas used to be filled with this horrible, crushing sense of obligation that I had to extract every drop of maudlin family closeness and joy. The feeling left me wound tight as I tried to 'hold on to the feeling' to the point where I made myself miserable being fake-happy over years of crappy holidays. Only a couple years ago, I felt like I hated christmas. I don't think I do anymore. Grandma is sleeping, mom is watching TV (soon to be sleeping), and I am...relaxed. I miss my brother and I miss Dee, but I don't miss having to dutifully enjoy myself.
Midnight mass was the nicest I could remember. The choir was in tuxes and black dresses, and they had a brass chamber ensemble for accompaniment. The trumpet chair was pushing 70, and he blew his horn for all he was worth. Not even getting the annoying priest upset me very much. You know, I have been to mass three times in eight days? The last time I did that, I was in grade school attending daily morning masses for Lent. And two of those masses had the annoying priest, and both of his homilies had multiple references to (1)repentance (2) confession (3) returning to the Church (4) sexual sin and (5) sin. When he says 'sin', his voice trails upward and he sounds vaguely like someone is tweaking his balls. "SIN!" he squeaks, and I snicker. Three masses in eight days and two annoying homilies. Extra cookies for me.
Midnight mass was the nicest I could remember. The choir was in tuxes and black dresses, and they had a brass chamber ensemble for accompaniment. The trumpet chair was pushing 70, and he blew his horn for all he was worth. Not even getting the annoying priest upset me very much. You know, I have been to mass three times in eight days? The last time I did that, I was in grade school attending daily morning masses for Lent. And two of those masses had the annoying priest, and both of his homilies had multiple references to (1)repentance (2) confession (3) returning to the Church (4) sexual sin and (5) sin. When he says 'sin', his voice trails upward and he sounds vaguely like someone is tweaking his balls. "SIN!" he squeaks, and I snicker. Three masses in eight days and two annoying homilies. Extra cookies for me.