90% of success is simply showing up.
I hate the early shift. Don't get me wrong, I love that I get 3 extra hours of paid time on my day and still am home around 4 PM. I love getting an early start on my day. But I hate how it makes me feel. I get up in at 3:45 AM to check my email, wander upstairs, and stare blearily at the TV* while I eat my healthy breakfast. Then I climb into the freezing cold car and deliberately don't run the heat until the cold has completed my waking-up process.
We just started this week. Actually Jerry wanted to start and asked me to start with him. I had skipped an entire week of plasma to get on a schedule that would work with the early shift and negoaited to come in slightly late two days a week. Except that now b/c Jerry was the only one who wanted to start this week, he needed people there on-time, and he asked me specifically to show up. So I said yes. I'm peeved about the plasma, honestly. But I'm more peeved that the other guys who were supposed to be starting the shift too haven't been in this week. Some of them have been coming in regular time, some have not shown up at all. It makes me feel like some huge hero for managing to, you know, be somewhere when I said I'd be there, even though I didn't want to be there.
Don't get me wrong; I think that responsibly-taken mental-health days are a legitimate use of sick time. Taking off when you can't say no to going out to the bar on a weeknight and you decide to sleep it off instead of show up to work is not.
In related news, I always thought V kinda disliked me. I'm quiet and I'm plain and she's outgoing and not plain. If nothing else, I got the impression that she thought I was ugly and shy and decided to leave me alone. But we ended up on the path back to the office this afternoon and she said, "Are you leaving us this summer?" I stammered a bit. She said, "I heard a horrible rumour about it." I said, "Would it be that tragic?" and she gives me a serious look and says, "Yes, it would."** "Well, I have applied to school," I replied. "Oh, I understand," she said. "You do what to gotta do."
I'm getting better at accepting that somehow people find me competent (at the same time I believe I do very well at this job, I also believe that no one else thinks I do a good job). But I've been hearing it from every corner, basically; that I'm organized, conscientious, and reliable. I say this like my job requires a high level of skill. It doesn't. But it's taught me how to work again and how to start taking pride in doing things well for the sake of doing them well. It hasn't taught me how to stop feeling guilty about having to end relationships. B/c, you see, I didn't tell V that I'd been asked the day before to start school on April 1.
* TV is really wierd at 4 in the morning. I thought I was hallucinating today when I saw some dude hawking a Miracle Prosperity Handkerchief and then a shot of the guy preaching and everyone in the church going nuts, speaking in tongues, shaking and shuddering and waving these hankies around like a Terrible Towel, Special Revival Edition. The hankie is green b/c that's the color of money. Somehow, accepting Jesus, sending this preacher a "love gift" and waving your hankie for all it's worth is supposed to bring you financial prosperity. I am totally not making this up.
**I know I'm organized, I know I do a good job, I know they're really busy in the summer and I know they would love to have me stay. Which makes me feel guilty for leaving, especially as I don't have much experience with leaving a place on good terms. But it's time. I've learned what I can learn here. I need to move on.
We just started this week. Actually Jerry wanted to start and asked me to start with him. I had skipped an entire week of plasma to get on a schedule that would work with the early shift and negoaited to come in slightly late two days a week. Except that now b/c Jerry was the only one who wanted to start this week, he needed people there on-time, and he asked me specifically to show up. So I said yes. I'm peeved about the plasma, honestly. But I'm more peeved that the other guys who were supposed to be starting the shift too haven't been in this week. Some of them have been coming in regular time, some have not shown up at all. It makes me feel like some huge hero for managing to, you know, be somewhere when I said I'd be there, even though I didn't want to be there.
Don't get me wrong; I think that responsibly-taken mental-health days are a legitimate use of sick time. Taking off when you can't say no to going out to the bar on a weeknight and you decide to sleep it off instead of show up to work is not.
In related news, I always thought V kinda disliked me. I'm quiet and I'm plain and she's outgoing and not plain. If nothing else, I got the impression that she thought I was ugly and shy and decided to leave me alone. But we ended up on the path back to the office this afternoon and she said, "Are you leaving us this summer?" I stammered a bit. She said, "I heard a horrible rumour about it." I said, "Would it be that tragic?" and she gives me a serious look and says, "Yes, it would."** "Well, I have applied to school," I replied. "Oh, I understand," she said. "You do what to gotta do."
I'm getting better at accepting that somehow people find me competent (at the same time I believe I do very well at this job, I also believe that no one else thinks I do a good job). But I've been hearing it from every corner, basically; that I'm organized, conscientious, and reliable. I say this like my job requires a high level of skill. It doesn't. But it's taught me how to work again and how to start taking pride in doing things well for the sake of doing them well. It hasn't taught me how to stop feeling guilty about having to end relationships. B/c, you see, I didn't tell V that I'd been asked the day before to start school on April 1.
* TV is really wierd at 4 in the morning. I thought I was hallucinating today when I saw some dude hawking a Miracle Prosperity Handkerchief and then a shot of the guy preaching and everyone in the church going nuts, speaking in tongues, shaking and shuddering and waving these hankies around like a Terrible Towel, Special Revival Edition. The hankie is green b/c that's the color of money. Somehow, accepting Jesus, sending this preacher a "love gift" and waving your hankie for all it's worth is supposed to bring you financial prosperity. I am totally not making this up.
**I know I'm organized, I know I do a good job, I know they're really busy in the summer and I know they would love to have me stay. Which makes me feel guilty for leaving, especially as I don't have much experience with leaving a place on good terms. But it's time. I've learned what I can learn here. I need to move on.