Release me
If it were any other day, any other year, I might be someone else.
Unfortunately for me, it's not. It's today and it's this year and I am me.
As I've probably mentioned, I feel 16 all over again; just without the good parts, like having people around me and feelin pretty okay in general.
This is all infantile shit that I just can't shake. I read to escape, but I can't read forever.
Plagued by the most sexual dreams I've had in so long, ugly ugly ugly and I've just come to the realisation that even when I start the weight loss shakes next week..and eventually start to lose some of this physical baggage..I'm still going to be me. I was actually pretty sure my only problem was the extra weight. It sure as fuck isn't and now I realise I'm even more screwed.
I can't even put into words in a half decent way how fucked I feel, I can't fix it with the few people I love; here's hoping Melbourne will help? No, then I'll just have an excuse to feel even more lonely coz I don't know too many people. HAR HAR, GOTCHA.
Maybe it's time I did what I always used to think about so much? Fuck, it'd solve all my problems but noooo I have to have a conscience and a soul, albeit a broken one, don't I?
I go through these boring motions, waking up and putting on the makeup..sighing, walking to the bus to go to this stupid job and trudge home to a home that would be so lovely if I didn't have a volatile, borderline personality disorder housemate.
Can't figure out how to fix it, really can't. Except that one option, but I spose it's not really an option is it?
And on top of it all, I've been humiliated. I was sucked into a vicious trap and I knew it would collapse right from the start, but what else did I have to fill my time with? And now I find out that 3 HOURS AGO he spoke to HER but can't even speak to me? This is coming from the person who said I was his world..and all that other shit I was stupid enough to believe.
So now I'm even more alone, even more hungry for some human affection and fuck...I'm just screwed. There ain't no two ways about it, just wish it would go away.
I could write for days about this, but what's the point when it won't go away?
Unfortunately for me, it's not. It's today and it's this year and I am me.
As I've probably mentioned, I feel 16 all over again; just without the good parts, like having people around me and feelin pretty okay in general.
This is all infantile shit that I just can't shake. I read to escape, but I can't read forever.
Plagued by the most sexual dreams I've had in so long, ugly ugly ugly and I've just come to the realisation that even when I start the weight loss shakes next week..and eventually start to lose some of this physical baggage..I'm still going to be me. I was actually pretty sure my only problem was the extra weight. It sure as fuck isn't and now I realise I'm even more screwed.
I can't even put into words in a half decent way how fucked I feel, I can't fix it with the few people I love; here's hoping Melbourne will help? No, then I'll just have an excuse to feel even more lonely coz I don't know too many people. HAR HAR, GOTCHA.
Maybe it's time I did what I always used to think about so much? Fuck, it'd solve all my problems but noooo I have to have a conscience and a soul, albeit a broken one, don't I?
I go through these boring motions, waking up and putting on the makeup..sighing, walking to the bus to go to this stupid job and trudge home to a home that would be so lovely if I didn't have a volatile, borderline personality disorder housemate.
Can't figure out how to fix it, really can't. Except that one option, but I spose it's not really an option is it?
And on top of it all, I've been humiliated. I was sucked into a vicious trap and I knew it would collapse right from the start, but what else did I have to fill my time with? And now I find out that 3 HOURS AGO he spoke to HER but can't even speak to me? This is coming from the person who said I was his world..and all that other shit I was stupid enough to believe.
So now I'm even more alone, even more hungry for some human affection and fuck...I'm just screwed. There ain't no two ways about it, just wish it would go away.
I could write for days about this, but what's the point when it won't go away?