(no subject)
I'm sitting here smoking yet another joint and relaxing. I have just purged in my house while by bf was home for the 1st time EVER.
We had pasta for dinner.
I'll still be taking lax tonight. I didn't have enough time to make sure it was all gone. Pretty disgusted with myself really. I vowed that I'd never purge at home while he's here.. I just couldn't handle all that food inside me, so the choice became simple. Try and purge while he's still watching a noisy movie so he won't hear, then continue with my evening as normal - or despise myself more and more every second while I curl up in bed in tears because I can 'see' my tummy grow by the second. I chose to break my vow.
He's in the shower at the moment thank god, I'm really feeling like I need my space right now.
My heart isn't beating very regularly tonight.
We had pasta for dinner.
I'll still be taking lax tonight. I didn't have enough time to make sure it was all gone. Pretty disgusted with myself really. I vowed that I'd never purge at home while he's here.. I just couldn't handle all that food inside me, so the choice became simple. Try and purge while he's still watching a noisy movie so he won't hear, then continue with my evening as normal - or despise myself more and more every second while I curl up in bed in tears because I can 'see' my tummy grow by the second. I chose to break my vow.
He's in the shower at the moment thank god, I'm really feeling like I need my space right now.
My heart isn't beating very regularly tonight.