This Summer...
Well...how do I start? I'm blessed. I really am. lol. Life gets hard...its been hard, its always been hard, and still is, but I've really been given some great things, people, and opportunities. Well first off my least important of the bunch, I've written quite a bit. I haven't done anything with it and probably don't plan to, but I want to do something with my side project I've started last year. I've found someone else who will help me with this decision of going deeper so I can recreate myself once more musically. This person will show me to his studio equipment so I can experiment with it real soon. I can't wait for that to happen. This will open up myself for more experiences and it's just going to be awesome. I'm more than just some stupid little hendo kid looking for a rap/rock combination. I'm a lyricst...a poet...a man...a lover...a loser...a winner...a dreamer...a successor...a good guy...a bad guy. I'm the project gentleman...the pizza punk....the kid who flows...the kid who thinks he can speak his word. I'm gonna go for more than just rhymes and beats. I'm shooting for a word in this world. I want it out. I want it heard. Sometimes it was hard...took alot of verbal...sometimes physical shit over it...actually...it wasn't hard, because ignorance was just something that was too easy for me to ignore in this world. Thats why im calm about alot of things...you take so much of it...you just ignore it. Anyways I'm coming back with more shit for a purpose because I think I need this...I need this badly...nothing felt more better than throwing my own shit out there...so yeah it's coming, don't know how long...but it's coming. A promise is a promise withheld in the center of my soul waiting for it to be made and if it's broken then I shall break with it. That's just nothing but the truth right there. RECOGNIZE. This was a great opportunity to have...
To keep this blog going the 2nd i'd like to speak of is my new job. It was 4-5 damn long months of crazyness...trying to live off my own last checks and tax money. Sure...I could've lived off my family's money...well that's bullshit. If it's something I can't stand it's taking anything from my family...like money or really anything...unless it was like as a present...and I don't really care about getting those either. I needed a job. I needed money...sadly. I just...it's something about pride...it's something about "My ass and work is better than this, I can do waaaay better" that kept me from going back to my earlier jobs. I was better than going back and working for such low-life jobs...where I was going nowhere in. I wanted something where I could be like "Yeah...that's right, I'm working somewhere where I can actually get a raise, where I can actually make a living working at because I make this much money here and it's actually worth it, and I don't have to waste my entire life or lose my entire life to work there." So I kept throwing in applications here and there...and then started the whole online applying thing and did 12-15 of those things. NO CALLS...NO FRIGGEN CALLS. Out of nowhere after calling the crap outta Sam's Club they turned around and asked me if I wanted a job. Well duh. So now I have one. Working Karts. You say it's hard? Well it's not. Hell...walking from my grandmother's to Main Street in an hour and 10 minutes is more painful than Karts for 5 hours. But hey...I walk alot, I've been on the football team, I've sat out on Main in the fricken 100 degree sun. Nothing phases me like that. I couldn't care less. The money's good and I'm treated better then I was in my other jobs. I enjoy it. This is something I can move up in and also stay in for a long time. This was a great thing to get...
Lastly...if you knew me...actually...if you just hung around me...when I was miserable I'd be soo down about well...anything and everything and...I don't think I could've found soo much of a solution to my problem as much as...well as much as my baby, Kaylynn. She's well, yeah lol, alot to me. I never expected it. Meeting her just literally smashed me in the face near the end of my graduating year. I never expected this great young woman would even be near me all this time...she was actually right behind me...and I never seemed to look back and pay attention to anything but my problems and was set on the fact that no one was really of any concern to me at all. I saw this girl, with an expression similar to mine, at the time I first talked to her. I don't even know still why I really talked to her in the first place it was like *click*. REALLY. I WOULD NOT LIE ABOUT THAT. God really played with me on that day and must've thought it amusing lol. After that I grew more connected with her. I haven't seen myself more loving towards someone more than her. I haven't felt as much confidence with anything more than when it came to her.(If that made any sense). She tips my point of happiness. I can't express enough how it feels though. It's just too crazy and exciting. IT JUST FEELS AWESOME. REALLY AWESOME. I just didn't expect myself to be soo happy this quick...I mean...I figured I'd still be miserable and everything by the time I graduated. I love her soo much. I don't even care if she's got 2 more years left of HS, she's too much of a blessing to me to give up now. I'm willing to stay with her for as long as she can handle me(lol). There's also no better person in this world that I'd want to spend more than 5 or 6 hours on the phone with more than her(which happens XD, and yes we talk). Plan on this relationship to last for a loooooooooooooooooooooooooong time. Yesterday marked our 3rd month. I didn't think I'd gain so much this ending school year and this summer. But apparently I did...and DAMN IT FEELS GOOD. IT FEELS FUCKING GOOD.
Here goes to my future after high school...maybe i'll gain more as the days go on in life.
I love my beautiful baby ^_^
To keep this blog going the 2nd i'd like to speak of is my new job. It was 4-5 damn long months of crazyness...trying to live off my own last checks and tax money. Sure...I could've lived off my family's money...well that's bullshit. If it's something I can't stand it's taking anything from my family...like money or really anything...unless it was like as a present...and I don't really care about getting those either. I needed a job. I needed money...sadly. I just...it's something about pride...it's something about "My ass and work is better than this, I can do waaaay better" that kept me from going back to my earlier jobs. I was better than going back and working for such low-life jobs...where I was going nowhere in. I wanted something where I could be like "Yeah...that's right, I'm working somewhere where I can actually get a raise, where I can actually make a living working at because I make this much money here and it's actually worth it, and I don't have to waste my entire life or lose my entire life to work there." So I kept throwing in applications here and there...and then started the whole online applying thing and did 12-15 of those things. NO CALLS...NO FRIGGEN CALLS. Out of nowhere after calling the crap outta Sam's Club they turned around and asked me if I wanted a job. Well duh. So now I have one. Working Karts. You say it's hard? Well it's not. Hell...walking from my grandmother's to Main Street in an hour and 10 minutes is more painful than Karts for 5 hours. But hey...I walk alot, I've been on the football team, I've sat out on Main in the fricken 100 degree sun. Nothing phases me like that. I couldn't care less. The money's good and I'm treated better then I was in my other jobs. I enjoy it. This is something I can move up in and also stay in for a long time. This was a great thing to get...
Lastly...if you knew me...actually...if you just hung around me...when I was miserable I'd be soo down about well...anything and everything and...I don't think I could've found soo much of a solution to my problem as much as...well as much as my baby, Kaylynn. She's well, yeah lol, alot to me. I never expected it. Meeting her just literally smashed me in the face near the end of my graduating year. I never expected this great young woman would even be near me all this time...she was actually right behind me...and I never seemed to look back and pay attention to anything but my problems and was set on the fact that no one was really of any concern to me at all. I saw this girl, with an expression similar to mine, at the time I first talked to her. I don't even know still why I really talked to her in the first place it was like *click*. REALLY. I WOULD NOT LIE ABOUT THAT. God really played with me on that day and must've thought it amusing lol. After that I grew more connected with her. I haven't seen myself more loving towards someone more than her. I haven't felt as much confidence with anything more than when it came to her.(If that made any sense). She tips my point of happiness. I can't express enough how it feels though. It's just too crazy and exciting. IT JUST FEELS AWESOME. REALLY AWESOME. I just didn't expect myself to be soo happy this quick...I mean...I figured I'd still be miserable and everything by the time I graduated. I love her soo much. I don't even care if she's got 2 more years left of HS, she's too much of a blessing to me to give up now. I'm willing to stay with her for as long as she can handle me(lol). There's also no better person in this world that I'd want to spend more than 5 or 6 hours on the phone with more than her(which happens XD, and yes we talk). Plan on this relationship to last for a loooooooooooooooooooooooooong time. Yesterday marked our 3rd month. I didn't think I'd gain so much this ending school year and this summer. But apparently I did...and DAMN IT FEELS GOOD. IT FEELS FUCKING GOOD.
Here goes to my future after high school...maybe i'll gain more as the days go on in life.
I love my beautiful baby ^_^