Unwashed and somewhat slightly dazed
I feel Bill Murray's pain. I don't mean I literally feel his pain. If he ever gets stabbed, I won't feel it. If he's suffering from a broken heart, I won't feel it. What I mean is that I feel for him and know how he feels. By this I'm, of course, referring to that classic of American cinema: Groundhog Day. In it Bill Murray's character is forced to repeat a single day over and over again, however he is completely self-aware. That's me! I'm beginning to realize the reason I lose track of the passing of time is because it doesn't pass. I repeat the same 20 some odd hours every single day. I wake up at the same time everyday. I get to school the same way everyday. I sit at the same places, at the same times, around school everyday. I have the same seat and the same lectures everyday in all of my classes. I change though. Some days I deal with it better than others. Maybe it's easier to overcome than I think. Maybe I should seriously consider changing the channel, whatever metaphoric meaning that has in my real life.
I'm a very bitchy person and I find myself finding fault in just about everyone. This isn't to say that I'm better than anyone. I'm not, with a few exceptions. I can't help but think these things and feel like I might as well vocalize them. That's for people I see from a distance. When it comes to criticizing my own friends, a bad habit I have from time to time, it turns out that 90% of the time the trait I'm criticizing is one that we share. Is this some kind of diabolical Holden Caulfield (I hate you and you're just like me, thus I hate myself) situation? My sources say yes, but I don't directly hate myself. Not that I know of. Hate is the wrong word. Annoyance is a better one.
Name one person who isn't a hypocrite. I will give you my virginity(or anything of equal or less value)if you can name one. God counts. He denies this by saying: "But I'm God it doesn't count as hypocriticalness". If he can pull that, why can't I deny everything by exclaiming that I am, in fact, BRYCE!
You murdered that man. I saw you. I have video footage of you taking his life. "I'm Bryce, though!"
Oh, my bad.
Is it kind of sad that I've all but shut out my parents? I know it's a cliche teenager thing to say, but I really find it hard to communicate with them. I live my mom and our conversations have deteriorated to the point where we talk for 20 minutes a day and only about reality tv and food. My dad I see less often and whenever I do he's always pointing out something I'm doing wrong. He gives me one of three lectures everytime I see him. I've never gotten straight A's, but for some reason when I get C they act like it's the end of the world. I got a C two report cards ago and my dad literally told me that I was going "to be a bum who lives on the streets because he dropped out of high school". Over a fucking C! I don't even ditch! That, ladies and gentleman, is why I can't communicate with any sane person over the age of 30. This inability has led to a wrong impression of me imprinted into my family's heads. They see me as the quiet, shy wallflower at family parties who only surfaces to have conversations with his 10 year old cousins about Pokemon because he gets a lot more out of that than a lecture about STD's or about how I should be a happier person. For the record I've been through a several month bout of depression, which was about 100 miles north of fun, but they were never aware of it and I'm certainly a happy person now. Cynical people are always thought of as distant and miserable, but we're actually quite happy people because bitching and not believing are two of our favorite things to do and who isn't happy when they're doing their favorite activities? The smile on the face of a serial killer standing over his victim is no different than that of a small child standing over a puddle of mud(not to be confused with Puddle of Mudd, who I hope will be that very serial killer's next target) that he is about to make his personal playground for the next hour or two.
I'm an old man in a young man's body. That's not to say that I'm full of wisdom and experience, but it IS to say that I'm full of the same cynicism that usually derives from said wisdom and experience. I am able to hide it from time to time, though. I have courageously sailed into the blustering gales of bullshit before, but it's a messy task I like to avoid.
Who proclaimed me King of Unfinished Tasks and how do I abdicate? I come up with great ideas all the time, a good majority of which are perfectly doable, yet they never materialize. I never go through with even the best ones. It can't just be laziness. There has to be something behind it all.
I'm aware this has turned into a bit of bitchy diary, but isn't that point...or something? I don't know.
I'm a very bitchy person and I find myself finding fault in just about everyone. This isn't to say that I'm better than anyone. I'm not, with a few exceptions. I can't help but think these things and feel like I might as well vocalize them. That's for people I see from a distance. When it comes to criticizing my own friends, a bad habit I have from time to time, it turns out that 90% of the time the trait I'm criticizing is one that we share. Is this some kind of diabolical Holden Caulfield (I hate you and you're just like me, thus I hate myself) situation? My sources say yes, but I don't directly hate myself. Not that I know of. Hate is the wrong word. Annoyance is a better one.
Name one person who isn't a hypocrite. I will give you my virginity(or anything of equal or less value)if you can name one. God counts. He denies this by saying: "But I'm God it doesn't count as hypocriticalness". If he can pull that, why can't I deny everything by exclaiming that I am, in fact, BRYCE!
You murdered that man. I saw you. I have video footage of you taking his life. "I'm Bryce, though!"
Oh, my bad.
Is it kind of sad that I've all but shut out my parents? I know it's a cliche teenager thing to say, but I really find it hard to communicate with them. I live my mom and our conversations have deteriorated to the point where we talk for 20 minutes a day and only about reality tv and food. My dad I see less often and whenever I do he's always pointing out something I'm doing wrong. He gives me one of three lectures everytime I see him. I've never gotten straight A's, but for some reason when I get C they act like it's the end of the world. I got a C two report cards ago and my dad literally told me that I was going "to be a bum who lives on the streets because he dropped out of high school". Over a fucking C! I don't even ditch! That, ladies and gentleman, is why I can't communicate with any sane person over the age of 30. This inability has led to a wrong impression of me imprinted into my family's heads. They see me as the quiet, shy wallflower at family parties who only surfaces to have conversations with his 10 year old cousins about Pokemon because he gets a lot more out of that than a lecture about STD's or about how I should be a happier person. For the record I've been through a several month bout of depression, which was about 100 miles north of fun, but they were never aware of it and I'm certainly a happy person now. Cynical people are always thought of as distant and miserable, but we're actually quite happy people because bitching and not believing are two of our favorite things to do and who isn't happy when they're doing their favorite activities? The smile on the face of a serial killer standing over his victim is no different than that of a small child standing over a puddle of mud(not to be confused with Puddle of Mudd, who I hope will be that very serial killer's next target) that he is about to make his personal playground for the next hour or two.
I'm an old man in a young man's body. That's not to say that I'm full of wisdom and experience, but it IS to say that I'm full of the same cynicism that usually derives from said wisdom and experience. I am able to hide it from time to time, though. I have courageously sailed into the blustering gales of bullshit before, but it's a messy task I like to avoid.
Who proclaimed me King of Unfinished Tasks and how do I abdicate? I come up with great ideas all the time, a good majority of which are perfectly doable, yet they never materialize. I never go through with even the best ones. It can't just be laziness. There has to be something behind it all.
I'm aware this has turned into a bit of bitchy diary, but isn't that point...or something? I don't know.