Counting the Days Chapter 7
Sixteen days since Jack left
Ianto placed another requisition form on the ‘complete’ pile and reached for the next. His hand met the lacquered wood of Jack’s desk and he reached for the next pile instead. Finding nothing again, he looked up, and discovered that the entire right side of the desk was absent of any work. The realization jolted Ianto out of his paperwork-induced trance.
He had a headache.
Ianto blinked several times to see the clock in the dim light of Jack’s desk lamp. The decades old analog clock swam in his vision before focusing: 4:20.
He stared at the face for several seconds before its meaning sunk in. An hour and a half before he’d have to get up for his shift.
He set his pen down on the blotter and opened the cover to Jack’s room under the office. The rubber soles of his shoes as they thumped on the metal ladder and the rustle of his clothes seemed very loud in the pressing silence of the Hub.
Ianto breathed in slowly through his nose. If he concentrated he could still isolate the tantalizing scent of Jack’s pheromones. They were still present from the last time he’d slept with the captain, almost three weeks previously, the night before Jack and Tosh had been pulled through to the 1940’s.
He removed his vest, the jacket deserted on Jack’s chair upstairs. He sat on the thin camp bed and lined his shoes carefully beside it, in easy range in case there was a Rift alert. Pulling the blankets down slowly, he laid down, settling himself within the chilly fabric. Again he breathed in, this time catching the scent on the blankets, and tried to clear his mind.
The wardrobe, Ianto speculated, was in entirely the wrong place. It really ought to be moved into the corner; otherwise it impeded the route from the bed to the bathroom.
~~~~~
Ianto was drying himself off when Jack started to stare at him. “What?” he said suspiciously. Jack grinned and tugged his towel away, leaving Ianto standing naked in the middle of the captain’s small, underground bathroom.
“Your skin’s nearly glowing,” he commented. “Don’t you ever tan?”
“In Wales?” Ianto snorted. “With this job? The real question is how your skin looks like that. Got a secret tanning booth somewhere in here?” The last few words were unfortunately breathy, since Jack had backed him into the wall. Ianto gasped at the feel of the cold stone against his back and Jack’s body brushing up against his front.
Jack smirked at the sound. “It’s completely natural, I promise,” he murmured. “See?” He took one of Ianto’s hands and dragged it down his own chest, his abdomen… “No uneven patches, no burns. All me.”
Ianto slipped away from the wall toward the door that led to Jack’s bedroom. “I’m not sure I believe you, sir. Why don’t you let me look more closely?”
He smiled at Jack’s growl as the captain surged forward to kiss him. They stumbled out of the bathroom and Ianto, walking backwards, caught his thigh on the wardrobe. With a yelp, he fell to the floor, and Jack, plastered to his front, fell on top of him.
Ianto let out a sharp cry as the wind was knocked out of him, and gasped at the icy floor. “Get off!”
Jack only laughed, so Ianto pushed at him, forcing the older man to the floor and rolling atop him. Jack groaned as his skin came into contact with the cold floor. “Revenge,” Ianto muttered into his neck, and Jack chuckled breathily.
“This is familiar, isn’t it?”
Ianto considered, staring into Jack’s eyes. Sensing a more serious turn, Jack’s smile faded. “Ianto?”
“I should go.” Ianto stood up, heading to the foot of the bed for his clothes, trying to keep his laughter from shaking his shoulders.
“No you don’t!”
Ianto shouted as he was tackled onto the bed and gave up to the laughter as Jack tried to wrestle him flat.
Ianto supposed that the wardrobe could stay where it was.
By the time the bedside clock ticked to five o’clock, Ianto managed to convince himself that the bed could stay where it was, too, in full view of anyone who happened to be in Jack’s office when the cover was left open.
It was almost funny how a bed that had seemed so hot and cramped when two bodies had occupied it, somehow seemed so large and cold when it was just him. Funny, as in the forces of the universe were laughing at him.
Poor Ianto Jones, he thought darkly. Robbed of his dream job and two lovers in less than a year. Too young to be respected, too old inside to find someone else he could share any of it with. He imagined Jack laughing distantly as he fell asleep.
~~~~~
“Ianto!”
He managed not to flinch, and looked up calmly. “Yes, Gwen?”
She blinked, standing alone at the head of the conference table. “I called your name twice.”
Tosh was staring, concerned, while Owen ignored them
“Sorry, just collecting my thoughts.” Gwen nodded, seemingly placated. Tosh didn’t look convinced, but she let it slide with only a single look.
Ianto remembered he was at the morning briefing. “I’ve finished off all of our outstanding inter-agency requests and have us up-to-date with most of our external communications. I’ve also communicated with the police about Wednesday’s Anubian… incident,” he finished dryly as Gwen blushed.
“How did you find time for all of that?” she asked. “I haven’t even finished the police reports from the first week after Jack-”
There was silence.
“I took the liberty of getting you caught up to the beginning of this week,” Ianto informed her quietly.
“That’s- wow, thank you so much Ianto!” Gwen gushed, before remembering she was meant to be leading the meeting. “Uh- that’s very efficient, especially with all your new responsibilities.”
Ianto managed to limit his facial expressions to a bland smile and an incline of the head.
“So today you’ll be…”
“I’ve got a conference call with UNIT R&D that’ll take an hour or so, about a soundwave defense they’re trying to develop from some scavenged sonic technology, then the weekly update to the tourist office.”
“Does UNIT want me to collaborate?” Tosh asked nervously.
Knowing what was behind that expression on her face only deepened the pit of anger and pain in his stomach. “I figured you’ve got enough on your plate, and the plans aren’t very far along yet. I should be able to give enough advice to keep them occupied for a month or so.”
“I guess that’s everything then,” Gwen wrapped up, beginning to collect her notes. Owen was already out the door.
As Ianto tidied up the morning’s coffee, Tosh sidled over, twisting her fingers. “Ianto… are you alright? I don’t think I’ve seen you look this tired in months.”
In response to her quiet, kind tone Ianto gave an honest answer. “I stayed up most of the night working on the backlog.”
His back to her, Ianto could only hear Tosh’s sigh. “You do so much around here, and I know we’d fall apart without you, but honestly, Ianto. You’ve got to take some time for yourself.”
He felt a sudden rumble of the emotion he’d been holding in, like an underwater volcano exploding out of him upon the least guilty person around. “I am an adult, Tosh,” he said calmly. “I’ll do what I want.”
Ignoring her hurt expression, Ianto stormed away.
~~~~~
He stayed in Jack’s office and the tourist office as much as he could, taking out his anger by glaring at the piles of budget-related paperwork. Once he calmed down enough to steal lunch from the fridge and make a fresh pot of coffee, Ianto felt both guilty and grateful that Tosh was nowhere to be seen.
When he surfaced at seven, planning to order dinner, the team was gathering their things to leave.
“We’re going for a curry Ianto, why don’t you come with?” offered Gwen.
He smiled tightly, avoiding looking at Tosh, who was avoiding looking at him. “Thank you, but I have plenty to do here.”
Gwen smiled sympathetically. “Come on pet, you’ve hardly left the Hub in days.”
“I’ve been busy,” he replied stiffly, moving toward Jack’s office.
“More like you’ve been moonin’,” Owen called.
Ianto spun around and glared, catching the warning looks Gwen and Tosh were shooting the medic. “I’m not mooning.”
Owen pulled a sarcastic face and nodded. “Of course not. You’re just working in Jack’s office and sleeping in Jack’s bed and acting every inch the abandoned puppy dog, like when he comes back he’ll be proud of you.” He shrugged on his coat and sneered. Ianto couldn’t move. “Well we’ve been abandoned too, and you don’t see us holing ourselves up in here. Get a life Teaboy, or an abandoned puppy is all you’ll ever be.”
“Owen,” Tosh murmured.
“No!” Owen yelled. “I’m gonna have my say! He’s just afraid that if he leaves, it’s real. Well it already is fucking real, and you can’t change it!” He was shouting directly at Ianto now, his dark eyes seeming to absorb the Hub’s lights. Ianto was frozen in place, though by what, he didn’t know.
“This isn’t a dream, Teaboy, it’s real bloody life, and you’re gonna hate it. Welcome to the real world!”
He stormed out, all violent, jerky motions. Gwen shot a quick look and gesture at Toshiko before she left as well. Tosh stayed behind.
Ianto missed the exchange. He’d closed his eyes, replaying Owen’s tirade in his head.
“Ianto?” Tosh whispered.
He replayed his thoughts that morning as he’d dressed in the locker room. He’d been storing his suits in there so they wouldn’t invade Jack’s room, so it would be the same as when his lover had been there. So he could pretend nothing had changed.
He opened his eyes. Tosh was standing a meter away, unsure of her reception.
“I’m afraid-” He cleared his throat. “I’m afraid that if I leave, I’ll… forget him. Forget everything,” he finished quietly, voice raw.
Tosh came forward and tentatively hugged him. He returned it, holding them close together. “You don’t have to give up hope just because you move on a bit. You don’t have to let him go to leave the Hub.”
“What if he comes back and there’s no one here?” Ianto whispered into her hair. His voice was just on the edge of cracking.
“I can set up more monitors. We won’t miss him,” she promised.
They stayed there for several more minutes, until Ianto’s heaving breaths settled. When they pulled back, each pretended not to notice the other wiping their face.
“You going to come out with us then?” Tosh asked, her voice rough and soft in the way of someone who’d just recovered from a bout of sadness.
Ianto cleared his throat. “Not tonight, I want to…put some things away. And Tosh,” he caught her eyes. “I’m sorry about this morning. It was uncalled for.”
“Already forgiven,” she smiled. “Get some sleep?”
After she left, Ianto descended into Jack’s room. He removed his shaving kit and amenities from the bathroom, his towel from beside the tub, the last few articles of clothing from the wardrobe. He took a last look around the small room, then climbed up the ladder. He retrieved the key from one of the secret compartments in Jack’s desk and locked the cover in place.
At eight forty-five, Ianto put the Hub on standby and left it, dark and empty, for his own flat.
~~~~~
Seventeen days since Jack left
Ianto spent the morning at Flat Holm, discussing a few patients who needed special requisitions with Helen. After spending so long in the Hub, it was a relief to feel the sea breeze and to have an actual conversation. Ianto returned to the Hub regretting his temporary isolation and swearing he wouldn’t get so lost in his own head again.
Determined to apologize to his colleagues- or at least Tosh and Gwen- for his behavior, Ianto brought croissants in for lunch along with lattes from one of the flashy shops in the mall. He chatted with Gwen for a while about Rhys’ parents, finding that they reminded him of his own grandparents, and managed to suggest some ways to pacify Rhys’ snooty mother.
He was dragged away by a call from Torchwood’s official UNIT liaison, a man Ianto actually hadn’t had much contact with. To his surprise, the man just wanted to formally thank him for getting all of Torchwood’s outstanding communications completed. Bemused, Ianto accepted the thanks and hung up feeling as though he’d traded pleasantries with a carnivore.
Gwen came up to him when the call was over. “Are you alright, pet?”
“Fine.” Ianto shook it off.
“Well, I was wondering if there was anything I could do to help you.” Ianto looked at her curiously. “You’ve been so swamped the last few days, and you still finished my reports.”
“You’ve been busy, too,” Ianto defended, though he couldn’t have guessed what she’d been busy with. She had been busy, though, he’d noticed.
“Not as much as you. And anyway, I’ve got the afternoon free, so what do you need?”
Ianto thought hard, and came to a confusing conclusion. “I think I’ve finished, actually. I’m completely up-to-date. Guess the paperwork binge was good for something.”
Gwen laughed in astonishment. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone at Torchwood claim to be finished with their paperwork. You’re a marvel, Ianto.”
The liaison narrowed his eyes. “Of course, if you really want to help, I need to start compiling for the budget. You’ve been saving your receipts, I hope?”
“Oh God, why did I ask? Yes, I’ll pull them up, and I’ll see what Owen and Tosh have on the main server.”
“Thank you,” Ianto said fervently. He’d really not been looking forward to trying to convince the others to help him, but if their elected leader was on board, they’d at least have to make a start.
“It’s no problem, Ianto,” Gwen told him kindly. “We’ve all got to pitch in, yeah?”
After a few hours on the budget, Ianto was truly done. He hadn’t been this tired since that first week, when he’d been stealing a few hours whenever he could. Apparently one good night’s rest wasn’t enough to overcome all that tossing and turning on Jack’s cot. However, Ianto knew that if he went home early, he’d just worry about all the work he could be getting ahead on. Either that, or he’d start thinking about Jack, and he shied away from even considering that.
He wandered about for a while, trying to think of another solution, but gave in to necessity. He went down to the medical bay, where Owen was- for once- working diligently on his computer. “Do you have any sleep aids?” he asked once he’d gotten the man’s attention.
“Getting to sleep, staying asleep, nightmares, night terrors, or some unidentified virus I’ll have to cure in ten minutes flat with the contents of someone’s bathroom cabinet?”
“Getting to sleep,” Ianto answered, blushing. “And nightmares.”
Owen inspected him for a few moments, then looked up toward the main Hub. Curiously, Ianto followed his gaze, but he didn’t see anyone.
“Alright, look here.” Owen moved to his pill cabinet and pulled out a small, unmarked bottle from the back of a shelf. “These are guaranteed nine and a half hours of sleep. Take one with a full meal and a glass of water, wake up completely refreshed.” He held up one round, blue pill.
Immediately suspicious, Ianto gave the bottle a wary look. “And this won’t put me at risk for some strange alien disease, or three different types of cancer?”
“You’re really funny, Teaboy, funniest I’ve ever met,” Owen said flatly. “They’re Jack’s. No side effects that I’ve found, but they work.”
“Jack’s?” Ianto took the pill and examined it. He wondered if this was one of the medicines Jack had bought from the intergalactic suppliers.
“Never told me why he had them, just said they were only to be used when needed.”
“How did you get them?” Ianto asked.
Owen closed the bottle and put it back in its place, then closed the cabinet. He stood there for a moment as though lost in thought. “Haven’t needed them in years. Not since I started at Torchwood.” He looked at Ianto, and his relaxed expression disappeared. “What are you still doing here? Go watch a movie or something, pretend to be normal for a while.”
Ianto took his cue, and left.
He didn’t watch a movie, but he spent the rest of the afternoon and early evening refilling his refrigerator and cleaning and doing laundry, the basic necessities that made his flat feel like a place he could live in at least a few nights a week. He watched telly for an hour or so, but couldn’t quite get into anything. It was like he’d forgotten how to just sit and watch.
Instead, he pulled an old beloved book down from a shelf and read until ten. When he yawned and looked up, Ianto realized that he hadn’t felt so relaxed in weeks. He got a glass of water and swallowed Owen’s pill, then went to bed. He fell asleep in minutes.
Chapter 8