Surrender
Title: Surrender
Fandom: Torchwood
Rating: PG
Characters/pairings: Jack/Ianto, past Ianto/Lisa
Warnings (including spoilers): Spoilers for Cyberwoman
Wordcount: 1,014 words
Summary: I know you think that I shouldn't still love you, or tell you that/ But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it, where's the sense in that? Songfic for Dido's 'White Flag.'
[*]
"Funny sort of weather patterns."
Jack sighed, closing his eyes for the barest moment. A rustle of fabric told him Ianto had turned, and when he opened his eyes the young man was staring at him with an all-too-familiar expression.
Jack held up his hand before Ianto could speak. "Don't say it. Not again."
Ianto's eyes softened. "You didn't mind before."
"That was before." His voice was too harsh, too defensive.
"I'm not trying to make things difficult for you, Jack. But just because I don't say it, doesn't mean I don't feel it."
"I-" Jack stepped back, shaking his head. Why did he feel so cornered in his own home? "It's over, Ianto. We need to go back to our relationship before-"
"Before Lisa?" Ianto said quietly, calmly. "Or before us?"
"There never was an us!" Jack hissed. "Not while she was down there."
Ianto's eyes burned at him with their gentle blueness. Then he closed the distance between them and kissed Jack. Jack's eyes slid closed without his command and he forgot about the world beyond Ianto's lips.
"I love you," Ianto breathed, just far enough away to meet Jack's eyes. "I did then and I still do. And that's not going to change." He walked away toward the cog wheel door. "But I will act professionally, sir. I promise."
Jack didn't move for a long time after the sirens turned off, bathed in the glow of the weather programs on the bay of computers.
[*]
Jack looked up from the cradle of his hands at the distinctive tread outside his office. "I thought I told you to go home."
Ianto set a steaming mug on each side of Jack's desk, sitting down and wrapping his hands around his own. The raw skin ringing Ianto's wrists caught Jack's eye before he blinked down at his drink.
"Tea?"
"I didn't think we needed stimulants."
They sat in silence. Jack narrowed his eyes at the other man, then spoke with hint of heat in his voice, a hint of spite. "Why aren't you at home, taking a shower and eating and sleeping?"
"I wanted to make sure you were all right."
"Damn it, Ianto!" he stood up fast enough to make his chair hit the wall behind him. "You don't have the right to do this anymore!"
Ianto sipped at his tea. "I didn't realize it was a privilege."
"You can't ask how I feel and try to comfort me when you already betrayed my trust!"
"Did I really hurt you that much?"
Jack closed his eyes, breathed.
A hand touched his elbow. "Jack, I-"
"You got me to tell you Torchwood secrets, passcodes, security protocols, so that you could smuggle in the creature that nearly killed my team. You got me to talk about things I haven't thought of in years and you used them to distract me. You said you loved me and then told me you'd watch me suffer and die." He opened his eyes. "So I think you can understand why I'm not up for the tea and sympathy approach."
Ianto blinked and a tear fell along his nose. "I still love you. I have for so long. But I had to-"
"I don't want to hear it." Jack sat down and shoved the mug of tea across his desk, ignoring the drops that sloshed over the side.
Ianto didn't move. "I'll stop," he whispered. "I'll- I don't want to hurt you anymore." He retreated to the doorway before turning back. "But. Jack. If you need anything, you can-"
"I won't."
[*]
This was a bad idea, Jack decided as Ianto entered his office with that too-familiar look in his bright eyes. Jack stopped him with hands on his biceps before their lips could connect.
Ianto held up the stopwatch questioningly.
"This isn't the same." Jack said quietly, firmly.
Ianto tried to speak, but Jack shook his head, holding the younger man's gaze, until those words had been extinguished from Ianto's expression, along with that glowing happiness. Only then did he release Ianto's arms.
This was a bad idea, Jack decided later as Ianto kissed his chest and whispered the words. He feigned sleep until Ianto slipped out of bed and quietly left.
[*]
He kissed him in front of the team because that familiar look in Ianto's eyes was mixed with anguish and fear and relief and Jack knew what that felt like. In that instant he understood why Ianto had done it- Lisa, betraying him, and everything that had come after- and when Ianto murmured the words into his ear like it was the first and only time, he had to kiss him to stop himself from responding in kind.
[*]
"Aren't you going to say it?" he asked with a hint of irony.
When there was no reply, Jack looked up from his whiskey. Ianto seemed relaxed but small on the neighboring barstool, studying the polished counter with the logo of the hotel Jack had put the team up at for the night.
"No," Ianto replied at last. "That was… juvenile. I couldn't get over you, so instead I rubbed salt into the wound, and for that," he looked up, "I am very sorry. I promise I'll never say it again."
Ianto raised his eyebrow at the look on Jack's face. "Is something wrong?"
"I said I came back for you." Jack tried to keep his voice from sounding too rough.
A hint of a blush dusted Ianto's cheeks. "All of us."
"For you."
Ianto's hand tightened around the edge of the bar and Jack took it in his own. "I love you, Ianto Jones. I was hurt, and I tried to deny it until I was blue in the face, but I could never stop loving you."
Blue eyes widened and blinked. Jack bit his lip. "So are you going to say it back?"
Ianto hesitantly smiled. "Well, I did just promise that I wouldn't-"
Jack kissed him until he gave up and gasped the words against Jack's mouth and then kissed him again and again.