The Lonely (non)stoner seems to free his mind at night.
Things on my brain at 0508am in the PICU after my Tachypnic kiddo has chilled out some after I snowed her with fentanyl. (aka she was breathing 70 times per minute)
a. I still can not convince myself that like dont nessicarily hang with like. He has these friends that he has the most constant contact with (not nessicarily his very best friends, just the ones to go out and play pool with) I call them the United Nations, because its "white boy", "Brown man" and "Black guy". One of Zak's friends is engaged in an arranged marriage and contiously hits on other girls. And not just flirting...getting phone numbers and using them for the attention. He has yet to cross that physical cheating barrier. To me, the emotional barrier is even more gut renching than the physical one. I am sorry he doesnt know his fiance, but he made the choice to say "okay" to the idea. The other friend of his UN group is the biggest player on Gods green earth. His policy on monogamy is "What the hell is wrong with you!". The first time I ever met him is one of the many nights he cheated on his former girlfriend. I have brought the consern up to Zak and he says that he does not condone what is occurring with these men because its not his values and that I should not judge him on the stupidity of two of his friend.
b. Hes going to a party in Chicago in July while I am going to be Hawaii. The party is for his two years ago love obsession. Says there is nothing left, but still makes me wanna take a bat to the Mini Cooper. Trying to be trusting...having issues.
c. Had a panic attack last night. Realized that my not-so-normal menstral cycle is a few days late. Took two tests from two different brands, both came back negative. Need to be much more careful in that regards. Baby is not something Mer Mer needs right now.
d. Monica is running to FL and wants me to be happy and jelous of her, but I can not be. It even makes me mad, so I have been evading her until I can fake happiness. I am done trying to talk sense into her.
a. I still can not convince myself that like dont nessicarily hang with like. He has these friends that he has the most constant contact with (not nessicarily his very best friends, just the ones to go out and play pool with) I call them the United Nations, because its "white boy", "Brown man" and "Black guy". One of Zak's friends is engaged in an arranged marriage and contiously hits on other girls. And not just flirting...getting phone numbers and using them for the attention. He has yet to cross that physical cheating barrier. To me, the emotional barrier is even more gut renching than the physical one. I am sorry he doesnt know his fiance, but he made the choice to say "okay" to the idea. The other friend of his UN group is the biggest player on Gods green earth. His policy on monogamy is "What the hell is wrong with you!". The first time I ever met him is one of the many nights he cheated on his former girlfriend. I have brought the consern up to Zak and he says that he does not condone what is occurring with these men because its not his values and that I should not judge him on the stupidity of two of his friend.
b. Hes going to a party in Chicago in July while I am going to be Hawaii. The party is for his two years ago love obsession. Says there is nothing left, but still makes me wanna take a bat to the Mini Cooper. Trying to be trusting...having issues.
c. Had a panic attack last night. Realized that my not-so-normal menstral cycle is a few days late. Took two tests from two different brands, both came back negative. Need to be much more careful in that regards. Baby is not something Mer Mer needs right now.
d. Monica is running to FL and wants me to be happy and jelous of her, but I can not be. It even makes me mad, so I have been evading her until I can fake happiness. I am done trying to talk sense into her.