sun, desmond
sun, desmond
PG-13
spoilers for season 3
ye gods-appx 1300 words
takes place sometime a few weeks after the last episode]
this doesn't feel quite like a story, maybe more like a slice of something; i don't know
as per usual these last couple of weeks, i haven't had a lot of time to spend on this, so if it's uneven in places, i'm sorry. i'm afraid this whole journal is going to need the 'blech' tag until this week's over…
Sun liked to think about the baby. She remembered watching Claire before Aaron was born, curious about what the baby would look like and whether it would be a boy or a girl. But it was different now that it was her own baby. She thought about different, more personal things, and they were almost all predicated upon whether she would still be on the island in a few weeks, a few months, a few years…
Actually, what scared her was that she was starting to take for granted that she was going to raise this child on the island. A few weeks before, she wouldn't have though like that. Finding out she was pregnant should've made her more determined than ever to get off the island, more sure it would happen. Instead, it made her determined to make this place as safe a home as possible.
Jin didn't understand. To him, it seemed like she was more inclined to take risks, like when she insisted on going off in the boat with him. Really, she couldn't explain it very well, even to herself. She'd put herself in the position of having to use a gun to shoot someone, and, given the chance to do it over, she was almost sure she'd take that risk again, even though she knew how futile that trip had been. It wasn't as though she didn't believe anything bad could happen to her; it was more like she trusted herself to keep it from happening, at any cost. She knew it would seem crazy to some people, like it was some over inflated maternal instinct or something, but it felt right, and since not a lot felt right anymore in this strange life, she trusted it.
Yes, going on the boat was risky, but not as risky as just letting their situation here on the island get the better of all of them. More than anything, she felt like she needed to do whatever it took to bring their island existence back to normal. Normal on this island meant Kate to talk to. Would their friendship grow deeper with the baby on the way, with it here? And normal meant Sawyer pretending he didn't care but secretly worrying over her. Would she have to make him put his hand on her stomach? Would he look bewildered when he felt the baby kick? And normal meant Jack there to help her through the delivery, to do what he could to fix things if they went wrong. She didn't like to think about things going wrong, but that was always in the back of her mind. It was exactly why she needed to make their camp seem safe again, because even at its safest, it wasn't really safe. But now with important people gone and now four-five?-bodies in the makeshift cemetery… Not knowing the future was scary.
But she thought that knowing the future probably was too. By now, they all knew about Desmond's vague precognitive abilities, although everyone had dealt with it in a different way. Some people behaved as though it couldn't happen and flat out refused to discuss the possibility. Other talked amongst themselves but didn't say a word to Desmond about it. Sun had fallen into that category, even though she had begun to talk to Desmond a lot the last couple of weeks about everything under the sun besides his psychic tendencies. He was a strange man, and she couldn't tell how much of that was simply Desmond and how much was his circumstances. She couldn't imagine what he'd been through over the last couple of years; she was sure he couldn't get his head around it either, given that he was generally willing to talk but was seemingly unable to really articulate his experiences. She only got the vague impression of a man who had lost love, went on a quest he no longer quite believed in, all but given up on life, went through one more surge of hope as he got on his boat again, and finally returned to the island, where he gave up again. But the way he told it-or the way Locke described it in the story of his turning that key-it was both a supreme act of giving up and a supreme act of hope and faith. Sacrifice. Need to protect others even if he couldn't do anything for himself.
Desmond was a quiet and odd man, but honorable, one that Sun found herself very curious to get to know…as long as she didn't think about what he might be able to see. Really, she didn’t want to know. It was a terrifying thing to think about a future that both must and couldn't include any more horrible things happening. But there was one thing that nagged at her every time she walked out to Sawyer's tent, where Desmond had taken up temporary residence, and sought out the most intense but withdrawn man on the island.
"If you knew, would you tell me?" She asked him one afternoon, planting herself on the sand beside him.
"What?"
"If you knew about my baby, if you…saw, the way you see things."
"I didn’t think-- I assumed you were among the many who think I'm a little crazy. Aren't you?"
"Crazy. No. But it's scary."
"Don't you think I know that, luv? It's not like I want this to happen to me." He sighed and fixed his eyes on the horizon. "It just does."
"I know."
"I just live with it."
"Maybe it could be a good thing."
He smiled. "Apparently, that's one possibility. But who knows if seeing something means anybody can keep it from happening. Especially if half the island thinks I'm loony, yeah? Not to mention the half that doesn't think I'm loony seems to view this as a nice party trick. Come, watch the crazy Scottish lad predict the weather. He's better than a horoscope. Ask him for your bloody lottery numbers."
"I'm sorry."
"Not your fault, luv. I wish it was something nice, like I could just tell people what they wanted to hear. But I can't. It doesn't happen as often as people think, and when it does it's almost hard to distinguish from what's going on right now, because it's that bloody mundane." He sighed again and turned to her. "I wish I could tell you something about your baby, but I can't."
"That's okay."
"But just to be clear, if I do know, you want me to tell you?"
"Yes. If… Only if it's something bad. I want… Do you think we can do anything…?"
"Sun, you've already seen that I can change the things I see. I don't know what that means in the grand scheme of things, but all I know is Claire and the baby didn't get hit by lightning."
"Okay."
"There must be some reason for things like this"-he gestured to his head-"to happen. Grant you, I'm making no claims about why we're here on this island, but I can't help but think my seeing things is happening for a reason."
She nodded, not quite sure if she believed him but sure she ought to nod. Then she got up and dusted herself off. "Thanks Desmond."
"You do want to know the sex of the baby, too, right?"
"I don't know."
"I could just tell your husband…if I do see it, and if he wants to know." He smiled. "And if I'm good enough with my charades."
Sun shook her head. "Jin is one of the ones who thinks you are possible a bit…"
"Ah. He's in the Barmy Scotsman camp. Why aren't you?"
"I don't know."
"Fair enough," he said, with an expression on his face she couldn't exactly place.
Sun was walking away, already returning in her head to thoughts of what this world would be like once the baby came, when she found herself turning back and saying, "Please, if you do figure it out, I want to know if it will be a boy or a girl."
"Okay," he said. "Which does your husband want?"
"He just wants the baby to be healthy."
Desmond nodded at her, then he crossed himself before his eyes went back to the water.
PG-13
spoilers for season 3
ye gods-appx 1300 words
takes place sometime a few weeks after the last episode]
this doesn't feel quite like a story, maybe more like a slice of something; i don't know
as per usual these last couple of weeks, i haven't had a lot of time to spend on this, so if it's uneven in places, i'm sorry. i'm afraid this whole journal is going to need the 'blech' tag until this week's over…
Sun liked to think about the baby. She remembered watching Claire before Aaron was born, curious about what the baby would look like and whether it would be a boy or a girl. But it was different now that it was her own baby. She thought about different, more personal things, and they were almost all predicated upon whether she would still be on the island in a few weeks, a few months, a few years…
Actually, what scared her was that she was starting to take for granted that she was going to raise this child on the island. A few weeks before, she wouldn't have though like that. Finding out she was pregnant should've made her more determined than ever to get off the island, more sure it would happen. Instead, it made her determined to make this place as safe a home as possible.
Jin didn't understand. To him, it seemed like she was more inclined to take risks, like when she insisted on going off in the boat with him. Really, she couldn't explain it very well, even to herself. She'd put herself in the position of having to use a gun to shoot someone, and, given the chance to do it over, she was almost sure she'd take that risk again, even though she knew how futile that trip had been. It wasn't as though she didn't believe anything bad could happen to her; it was more like she trusted herself to keep it from happening, at any cost. She knew it would seem crazy to some people, like it was some over inflated maternal instinct or something, but it felt right, and since not a lot felt right anymore in this strange life, she trusted it.
Yes, going on the boat was risky, but not as risky as just letting their situation here on the island get the better of all of them. More than anything, she felt like she needed to do whatever it took to bring their island existence back to normal. Normal on this island meant Kate to talk to. Would their friendship grow deeper with the baby on the way, with it here? And normal meant Sawyer pretending he didn't care but secretly worrying over her. Would she have to make him put his hand on her stomach? Would he look bewildered when he felt the baby kick? And normal meant Jack there to help her through the delivery, to do what he could to fix things if they went wrong. She didn't like to think about things going wrong, but that was always in the back of her mind. It was exactly why she needed to make their camp seem safe again, because even at its safest, it wasn't really safe. But now with important people gone and now four-five?-bodies in the makeshift cemetery… Not knowing the future was scary.
But she thought that knowing the future probably was too. By now, they all knew about Desmond's vague precognitive abilities, although everyone had dealt with it in a different way. Some people behaved as though it couldn't happen and flat out refused to discuss the possibility. Other talked amongst themselves but didn't say a word to Desmond about it. Sun had fallen into that category, even though she had begun to talk to Desmond a lot the last couple of weeks about everything under the sun besides his psychic tendencies. He was a strange man, and she couldn't tell how much of that was simply Desmond and how much was his circumstances. She couldn't imagine what he'd been through over the last couple of years; she was sure he couldn't get his head around it either, given that he was generally willing to talk but was seemingly unable to really articulate his experiences. She only got the vague impression of a man who had lost love, went on a quest he no longer quite believed in, all but given up on life, went through one more surge of hope as he got on his boat again, and finally returned to the island, where he gave up again. But the way he told it-or the way Locke described it in the story of his turning that key-it was both a supreme act of giving up and a supreme act of hope and faith. Sacrifice. Need to protect others even if he couldn't do anything for himself.
Desmond was a quiet and odd man, but honorable, one that Sun found herself very curious to get to know…as long as she didn't think about what he might be able to see. Really, she didn’t want to know. It was a terrifying thing to think about a future that both must and couldn't include any more horrible things happening. But there was one thing that nagged at her every time she walked out to Sawyer's tent, where Desmond had taken up temporary residence, and sought out the most intense but withdrawn man on the island.
"If you knew, would you tell me?" She asked him one afternoon, planting herself on the sand beside him.
"What?"
"If you knew about my baby, if you…saw, the way you see things."
"I didn’t think-- I assumed you were among the many who think I'm a little crazy. Aren't you?"
"Crazy. No. But it's scary."
"Don't you think I know that, luv? It's not like I want this to happen to me." He sighed and fixed his eyes on the horizon. "It just does."
"I know."
"I just live with it."
"Maybe it could be a good thing."
He smiled. "Apparently, that's one possibility. But who knows if seeing something means anybody can keep it from happening. Especially if half the island thinks I'm loony, yeah? Not to mention the half that doesn't think I'm loony seems to view this as a nice party trick. Come, watch the crazy Scottish lad predict the weather. He's better than a horoscope. Ask him for your bloody lottery numbers."
"I'm sorry."
"Not your fault, luv. I wish it was something nice, like I could just tell people what they wanted to hear. But I can't. It doesn't happen as often as people think, and when it does it's almost hard to distinguish from what's going on right now, because it's that bloody mundane." He sighed again and turned to her. "I wish I could tell you something about your baby, but I can't."
"That's okay."
"But just to be clear, if I do know, you want me to tell you?"
"Yes. If… Only if it's something bad. I want… Do you think we can do anything…?"
"Sun, you've already seen that I can change the things I see. I don't know what that means in the grand scheme of things, but all I know is Claire and the baby didn't get hit by lightning."
"Okay."
"There must be some reason for things like this"-he gestured to his head-"to happen. Grant you, I'm making no claims about why we're here on this island, but I can't help but think my seeing things is happening for a reason."
She nodded, not quite sure if she believed him but sure she ought to nod. Then she got up and dusted herself off. "Thanks Desmond."
"You do want to know the sex of the baby, too, right?"
"I don't know."
"I could just tell your husband…if I do see it, and if he wants to know." He smiled. "And if I'm good enough with my charades."
Sun shook her head. "Jin is one of the ones who thinks you are possible a bit…"
"Ah. He's in the Barmy Scotsman camp. Why aren't you?"
"I don't know."
"Fair enough," he said, with an expression on his face she couldn't exactly place.
Sun was walking away, already returning in her head to thoughts of what this world would be like once the baby came, when she found herself turning back and saying, "Please, if you do figure it out, I want to know if it will be a boy or a girl."
"Okay," he said. "Which does your husband want?"
"He just wants the baby to be healthy."
Desmond nodded at her, then he crossed himself before his eyes went back to the water.