100 days have made me older
Actually, its more than 100 days, but that's the song thats on and it pretty much describes how i feel.
It's cold, rainy, and boring here at UC davis, its almost 4 pm, i've been up since 9, and I haven't gotten around to showering yet. Maybe after I post something. Maybe.
Zach (my boyfriend of 8 months) is deploying to iraq on tuesday night. I can't see him before he goes, and i haven't seen him since Feb 4th, so I'm moping around. What makes it harder is that he's being a bit of an ass at the moment. "Whatever" seems to be his new favorite word, I guess he's withdrawing so that he can focus on what he has to do over there but it still sucks. He's completely drunk at the moment which is exciting, because I really need to talk to him, because we need to sort this out before he's gone for 7 months. However, when he's drunk he's even more "i dont care" so talking to him would be a pointless venture. Is it wrong that I'm thinking about myself right now when he's facing a really shitty time in fallujah? I think part of why i'm so upset is that i'm mad at myself for wanting attention. Maybe its that I'm lonely too, I just want to go home. Right now. But i can't, because I have a math midterm Wednesday morning (which is going to go tremendously considering as i'm going to most likely be hysterical while taking it).
Spring break...starts the 22nd, i have to be back here the 28th. it'll be strange because there isn't anyone in Carlsbad anymore. Zach will be gone, almost everyone else will have school or I've lost touch with them, or they have all these things in their lives. I'll probably be hanging out with my horse and my dog and my cat, maybe driving by Zach's place and being lonely, because for some reason I enjoy being cruel to myself and listening to music that makes me cry, doing things that make me depressed, etc. Sometimes crying feels good though.
I think i might go contemplate life, the universe, and my part in it while standing in the shower.
Bye kids
Heather
It's cold, rainy, and boring here at UC davis, its almost 4 pm, i've been up since 9, and I haven't gotten around to showering yet. Maybe after I post something. Maybe.
Zach (my boyfriend of 8 months) is deploying to iraq on tuesday night. I can't see him before he goes, and i haven't seen him since Feb 4th, so I'm moping around. What makes it harder is that he's being a bit of an ass at the moment. "Whatever" seems to be his new favorite word, I guess he's withdrawing so that he can focus on what he has to do over there but it still sucks. He's completely drunk at the moment which is exciting, because I really need to talk to him, because we need to sort this out before he's gone for 7 months. However, when he's drunk he's even more "i dont care" so talking to him would be a pointless venture. Is it wrong that I'm thinking about myself right now when he's facing a really shitty time in fallujah? I think part of why i'm so upset is that i'm mad at myself for wanting attention. Maybe its that I'm lonely too, I just want to go home. Right now. But i can't, because I have a math midterm Wednesday morning (which is going to go tremendously considering as i'm going to most likely be hysterical while taking it).
Spring break...starts the 22nd, i have to be back here the 28th. it'll be strange because there isn't anyone in Carlsbad anymore. Zach will be gone, almost everyone else will have school or I've lost touch with them, or they have all these things in their lives. I'll probably be hanging out with my horse and my dog and my cat, maybe driving by Zach's place and being lonely, because for some reason I enjoy being cruel to myself and listening to music that makes me cry, doing things that make me depressed, etc. Sometimes crying feels good though.
I think i might go contemplate life, the universe, and my part in it while standing in the shower.
Bye kids
Heather