maybe misery is what i need to keep my sanity

[meant2love]

today was relay for life. i knew what to expect, yet i still was unprepared to see it or them. i knew what the feeling was going to be like but it hurt a lot more than i thought it would. it was just a really bad feeling inside of me, like i was inadequate. i hate that feeling so much. although it was nice to talk to him, i realized i miss that kid. he's so cute. i was jealous, yet happy for them. sometimes it just gets to me and makes me sad. i know i wont ever have him like that, and that's okay, i just believe that i won't ever see the kid again. i don't want that to happen. ugh. i realized i liked that kid sooo much for a good while and i was too blind to see he didn't want me like that. i should've known, but i dunno. i wanted to say a million things to him but i didn't know how.

another update later, i'm bummed out and will be for a while.