(no subject)
Words.
I personally relish in them; to me the language we speak can be beautiful, poetic, descriptive, terrible, wonderful, destructive... but most of all, powerful.
It comes as a great burden and causes great distress that words fail me when I know I need them most of all.
My words cannot heal.
My words cannot dry tears.
My words cannot undo the past.
And I hate being powerless like this.
My words can only be a pale shadow, of course, of what anyone feels. Which is why I hesitate, and in fact have deleted attempted entries saying anything. I will let this one stand only because sometimes the best we can do is all we can offer- no matter how insignificant.
I accept that I cannot be eloquent. But lame? That, that I will not be. I admit that this has shut me down for a few days. I've run through the gamut of emotion. I have felt completely useless and stupid and unable moreso than ever. I've not done the work I should do in school as well as I should. I've made unwise choices out of the emotion of the moment.
No more.
What service am I showing by letting myself be weakened? If it is harder for me to be strong rather than weak, then I will be strong.
Add no more distress to this by distressing yourselves.
Just remember, support, and love. And be strong.
I personally relish in them; to me the language we speak can be beautiful, poetic, descriptive, terrible, wonderful, destructive... but most of all, powerful.
It comes as a great burden and causes great distress that words fail me when I know I need them most of all.
My words cannot heal.
My words cannot dry tears.
My words cannot undo the past.
And I hate being powerless like this.
My words can only be a pale shadow, of course, of what anyone feels. Which is why I hesitate, and in fact have deleted attempted entries saying anything. I will let this one stand only because sometimes the best we can do is all we can offer- no matter how insignificant.
I accept that I cannot be eloquent. But lame? That, that I will not be. I admit that this has shut me down for a few days. I've run through the gamut of emotion. I have felt completely useless and stupid and unable moreso than ever. I've not done the work I should do in school as well as I should. I've made unwise choices out of the emotion of the moment.
No more.
What service am I showing by letting myself be weakened? If it is harder for me to be strong rather than weak, then I will be strong.
Add no more distress to this by distressing yourselves.
Just remember, support, and love. And be strong.