KAY lottie here it is
Let’s see, the moment that turned my life around… I guess I’ll run the risk of sounding extremely sappy but honestly I can’t think of anything else except when I for reals fell in love.
When I was fifteen, I was asked to define love in some stupid online xanga survey. I wrote, “When you can't stand to be away from them and you can't think of anything better that being with them. And every time you're with them, you feel like you're the only two people on earth” . I used to hate love. And I was afraid. I was afraid that I wouldn’t find that guy who isn’t shy to tell the entire world how happy he is to be with me, nor is ashamed of showing that he really cares for me. I would think back on all the guys I thought was him or wished was him and my heart suddenly felt like it was made of ice. Cold, fragile and motionless. I would ask myself: Do I continue loving (air quotes when saying ‘loving’) and losing until I finally am happy? Or do I just stop my search and settle for mediocrity? I figured one way I’d end up in pain that I anticipated. On the other I’d be risking discouragement and being blinded by the need and want for a companion. I wondered how so many others have it so easy.
Then I was on MySpace in March 09, just looking through mutual friends. I saw this guy with the long hair and rock flair and clicked “add as friend.” I thought what the hay? He’s cute, looks interesting, and if he fucks me over, he’ll just be another asshole. We got to know each other and I was feeling rather risky so I accepted his offer to be his girlfriend almost immediately. Things were pretty good. We fell for each other quickly. But the moment that turned my life around was when I officially KNEW I really love him. One day I flipped out, punched my laptop, trashed my room, and raged for no reason. I told him about it and he said that he was going to make it better. I went over to his house and we sat outside. He asked me what happened and I just SPILLED. I must’ve been talking for 20 minutes. I told him about my fears, my uncertainties, my struggles at home, everything that was suffocating me. I cried and trembled and was so terrified he was going to freak out, but then I looked at him. He was listening. No judgment, no bugging out, no indifference to my feelings. Just really listening and understanding. He didn’t psychoanalyze, or tell me it was going to be all right. He just held me and it hit me. I never had that before. No one ever listened to me. No one ever cared. But this guy did and he still does. I know, it sounds so simple, but it was like a truck had hit me when I realized right at that moment that this guy deserved my heart and my love.
Dude, Dave changed my life. I used to never smile or be motivated. Now look at me. I cheese so damn much my lips might crack. I’m glad hardly anyone knows the old me cuz this is definitely the better Tina.
When I was fifteen, I was asked to define love in some stupid online xanga survey. I wrote, “When you can't stand to be away from them and you can't think of anything better that being with them. And every time you're with them, you feel like you're the only two people on earth” . I used to hate love. And I was afraid. I was afraid that I wouldn’t find that guy who isn’t shy to tell the entire world how happy he is to be with me, nor is ashamed of showing that he really cares for me. I would think back on all the guys I thought was him or wished was him and my heart suddenly felt like it was made of ice. Cold, fragile and motionless. I would ask myself: Do I continue loving (air quotes when saying ‘loving’) and losing until I finally am happy? Or do I just stop my search and settle for mediocrity? I figured one way I’d end up in pain that I anticipated. On the other I’d be risking discouragement and being blinded by the need and want for a companion. I wondered how so many others have it so easy.
Then I was on MySpace in March 09, just looking through mutual friends. I saw this guy with the long hair and rock flair and clicked “add as friend.” I thought what the hay? He’s cute, looks interesting, and if he fucks me over, he’ll just be another asshole. We got to know each other and I was feeling rather risky so I accepted his offer to be his girlfriend almost immediately. Things were pretty good. We fell for each other quickly. But the moment that turned my life around was when I officially KNEW I really love him. One day I flipped out, punched my laptop, trashed my room, and raged for no reason. I told him about it and he said that he was going to make it better. I went over to his house and we sat outside. He asked me what happened and I just SPILLED. I must’ve been talking for 20 minutes. I told him about my fears, my uncertainties, my struggles at home, everything that was suffocating me. I cried and trembled and was so terrified he was going to freak out, but then I looked at him. He was listening. No judgment, no bugging out, no indifference to my feelings. Just really listening and understanding. He didn’t psychoanalyze, or tell me it was going to be all right. He just held me and it hit me. I never had that before. No one ever listened to me. No one ever cared. But this guy did and he still does. I know, it sounds so simple, but it was like a truck had hit me when I realized right at that moment that this guy deserved my heart and my love.
Dude, Dave changed my life. I used to never smile or be motivated. Now look at me. I cheese so damn much my lips might crack. I’m glad hardly anyone knows the old me cuz this is definitely the better Tina.