(no subject)

[meandthamoon]

I've never really come across as having any real problems and stuff but..latley i dunno...

i feel like i have held alot of me inside
behind the cheerful smile is such a bitter sad person
im so confused about so many things and for once in life i just wanna tell people what i really think about them

what alot of you dont know is that i am very crazy inside. the things that run through my mind would freak out most people.

i think daily about suicide.
i thinkabout how i want to be murdered
i wish i was deaf so i didnt have to hear what people say
for that sake id never be hurt

i think ive only shared with one person that ive tried to commit suicide.
i dont like suicide but my mind often agrees with it.
it agrees with the long term commitment it gives and such.

i usually am smiling but inside im crying.
only very few peoplemake me happy
and unfortunaltey i still havent found a reason to want to live anymore.

everytime people talk to me and tell me sumthing they have heard about me. it slowly pushes me more to want to be dead.

cause i would be better off dead.

sorry if this freaks any of you out, but its how i feel i guess.