(no subject)
i wish i could find the words to explain thoughts....but i never can...not good ones anyway....i'm so afraid right now....and feeling very alone....and somehow powerful, like i can do anything and still be far more than ok....and i don't really understand that...and i wish i knew what i was thinking and feeling.....not even that so much, but i wish i could sort of the lumble of things i'm feeling, and why i'm feeling them, and i wish i could do something about that....and i wish i could not fight with mommy all the time. i wish i could not fight with everybody, and not be so on edge....but its hard sometimes....because sometimes everyone has somehting to say about everything i'm doing wrong....and i know everything i'm doing wrong, i don't need to hear it from everyone else...but i'm not hearing i'm wrong all the time....its just in my head and from a few people who i know are assholes and who have never told me i'm right so why am i letting it get to me now? why do i have this strange mix of power and wonderulness and strength and serenity and exaustion and stress and complete and utter hopelessness and lonliness?
and what if he never talks to me again? what if he tells me i can't be his friend anymore...i'm going to ruin his break....but he's going to hate me....how am i going to do this and remain ok?
and what if he never talks to me again? what if he tells me i can't be his friend anymore...i'm going to ruin his break....but he's going to hate me....how am i going to do this and remain ok?