Blech
On and off I've been feeling pretty depressed or maybe lonely, can't tell the difference. I have Ted but it's not the same, I don't have friends like I used to. I have friends, people I hang out with at the bar, sometimes, very rarely we have a party or something, I have a bar to go where I always know someone even if it's just the bartender, but something is missing from my life..I feel low. At work I don't really have anyone to hang out with on breaks, my friend Suzette quit and I haven't heard from her since, maybe she was just a work friend, tried hanging out with her once outside of work, but I didn't care either way. I don't know, just babbling...I'm aiming to go to NYC in May or maybe June, I'm trying to save as much money as I can, I miss NYC and I miss my friends there....They are some of the only people I've ever really connected with...I don't know. At least I managed to pick up a book and start reading again, shit I haven't read a full book in almost a year and the only reason why I read a book a year ago was cause I joined a company book club, and I skipped two of the books they read, so I'm getting back into that. Lately, my anxiety has been building more, my brain is non stop, I think about things in the shower that aren't important but my brain is going 1000 miles a minute processing things that are so stupid, and I wake up in the middle of the night sometimes and my brain is still going, my skin has been getting really itchy and I can't tell what the hell that's all about, maybe anxiety, maybe I'm allergic to something, who knows! But the more I think about it the worse it gets...I seriously think it might be time to ask my doctor if she can prescribe something that I can just take when I start getting crazy...I don't ever want to be full time medicated again, but somethings got to give (oh, good movie by the way, i love Keanu Reeves)...anyway, I'm just not feeling connected to much anymore. And I'm fucking itching every where!