(no subject)
i just kind of screwed up at work, we're wrapping the June issue of the magazine and I didn't catch a potentially disastrous mistake. i can't tell if Jenny is mad or not, though the mistake itself wasn't my fault. for one of the articles i wrote, we were missing a 100-word chunk of copy and one of the photos was missing. we did shoot the product, but the layout and design guy forgot to put it in. i have no idea what happened to the copy because i have it saved in a document on my computer. either way, we just had a little panic session and i almost started to cry because i kept thinking, "did i have the product shot? did i accidentally delete the copy in K4?"
on top of this--and i HATE myself for it--i've been thinking about tor a lot. a lot of it has been me thinking about who he might be with which is driving me a little nutty. in all honesty i certainly think he and i should see other people, but i feel like it's a race to see who is going to do it first. a really stupid, immature race and it's probably all in my head. i just want to be the one to find someone amazing so i'm not left in the dust by him again.
and i keep thinking, why would i want to be with him again anyway? throughout our entire relationship i never felt good enough. he always had another girl on his mind and once he made it blatantly obvious and lied to me about it. i wore makeup, so i wasn't pretty enough. i wore dresses rather than ratty t-shirts and wide jeans, so i wasn't his style. i didn't like nofx and the music i did like wasn't cool enough for him. my hair was too long, i should cut it short. and oh, the cause of a lot of angst within our relationship--i wasn't that into his high school band, which he STILL prides himself on. mind you, i never said i didn't like it, i just wasn't bouncing off the walls about it. he took great offense to that--to this day he does.
there were so many things he wanted me to be that i just wasn't, and it really did a number on my confidence because he was so vocal about it. and even though i can clearly see his flaws, i still don't want to change him except for the way he treated and treats me sometimes.
does anyone know a good way to simply stop thinking about a person, to just not give a shit anymore even if you have stopped talking to them?
on top of this--and i HATE myself for it--i've been thinking about tor a lot. a lot of it has been me thinking about who he might be with which is driving me a little nutty. in all honesty i certainly think he and i should see other people, but i feel like it's a race to see who is going to do it first. a really stupid, immature race and it's probably all in my head. i just want to be the one to find someone amazing so i'm not left in the dust by him again.
and i keep thinking, why would i want to be with him again anyway? throughout our entire relationship i never felt good enough. he always had another girl on his mind and once he made it blatantly obvious and lied to me about it. i wore makeup, so i wasn't pretty enough. i wore dresses rather than ratty t-shirts and wide jeans, so i wasn't his style. i didn't like nofx and the music i did like wasn't cool enough for him. my hair was too long, i should cut it short. and oh, the cause of a lot of angst within our relationship--i wasn't that into his high school band, which he STILL prides himself on. mind you, i never said i didn't like it, i just wasn't bouncing off the walls about it. he took great offense to that--to this day he does.
there were so many things he wanted me to be that i just wasn't, and it really did a number on my confidence because he was so vocal about it. and even though i can clearly see his flaws, i still don't want to change him except for the way he treated and treats me sometimes.
does anyone know a good way to simply stop thinking about a person, to just not give a shit anymore even if you have stopped talking to them?