Reflections in my mind
i find it interesting that things can actually be going decent and yet i feel soo down, i mean sure im having a bad week but overall things are good. actually take that back things arnt soo good. my truck is acting up, i can barely make rent month to month, school is killing me right now, and i dont even get a break since if im not at school im at work. the one day a week i get off from work i have to spend sitting in computer labs doing HW. i cant sit in my room, if i do i do everything but what i need to do. but going to the labs causes problems too, just last night, after already having been in the lab for 6 hrs prior. i spent another 2 in the lab and finished the project finally, all good to go, just had to plot it this morning. well i get to my lab this morning and oh wait i dont have my flash drive, yup, i lost my final project 9 hours before it was due. so now i have to have it by Wednesdays, but i also have to write a speach, and do my final project for stat's. everything that can go wrong right now is going wrong. i imagined moving down here was going to be soo much different. dont get me wrong, im happy to finally be out on my own, but its different then i thought it would be.
class today was interesting, in 228, bens class, he had gone through and listed out every student in the class and gave some insight into what he saw in all of us. this wasa very nice act on his part i thought. he told us all what he thought we could do, and where he would see us. he saw me as working as a design builder, and his recommendation was to "manage, do not draw, go solo, and head out east for opportunity." i can see most of this. all in all i am a very independent person. i have a want to know everything about whatever it is i am doing and to have a hand in it. im not sure i would work well where someone in an office was doing all the work and handing me a report, i would want to know where all of the numbers and details came from leading to me wanting to do it myself. i realize i can be very stubborn in my work and some aspects of my life, but i think that has to do with the fact that i feel as if i have no control in other aspects of my life. so i try to equal it out. this has led to some issues here and there but its more of an annoyance to some people. but i honestly could see myself partnering up with an architect and doing design build work. and i really think i wanna go into residential. its more personal, and its more where im used to, i work one on one everyday with homeowners currently and i love it when i get them exactly what they need and wanted. the expressions are priceless sometimes. and i could see the same satisfaction working in the residential field. i wouldn't work for a large corporate conglomerate. i would employ myself and get more personal with the homeowner. as much as i love large buildings and would love to work on large scale projects i think the smaller ones are more my style. but i still cant be certain. but then again what can you, in life, be certain about. right now, theres nothing that comes to mind.
the only thing that i can even think of that i can be slightly certain about is that im doomed, lol. i always act first and then think later. i get myself in too deep, but yet i always manage to get myself out somehow, thats one specialty of mine. its like every relationship ive had i get in too quick, before i really know where im going. and then i do something that screws it up, and that scares me. out of all the darkness right now there is one shining star in my life, i recently met this beautiful, smart, and crazy girl. we've hung out a few times and just talked for a few hours, even if for some reason i was having a total memory loss the other night i still managed to try to say what i was thinking. i love everything about this girl, she is intelligent, having already received a BS in bio, and now doing ID, and possibly architecture. she is absolutely beautiful. shes goofy, and she knows how to have fun. but im scared cuz i dont want to screw this one up. im not even sure if this will go anywhere, but with this being finals week and all im pretty sure i wont find out this week, but at the same time i dont want to know. i want to take it slow with her and get to know her better before i start all of this BS that my mind always does.
class today was interesting, in 228, bens class, he had gone through and listed out every student in the class and gave some insight into what he saw in all of us. this wasa very nice act on his part i thought. he told us all what he thought we could do, and where he would see us. he saw me as working as a design builder, and his recommendation was to "manage, do not draw, go solo, and head out east for opportunity." i can see most of this. all in all i am a very independent person. i have a want to know everything about whatever it is i am doing and to have a hand in it. im not sure i would work well where someone in an office was doing all the work and handing me a report, i would want to know where all of the numbers and details came from leading to me wanting to do it myself. i realize i can be very stubborn in my work and some aspects of my life, but i think that has to do with the fact that i feel as if i have no control in other aspects of my life. so i try to equal it out. this has led to some issues here and there but its more of an annoyance to some people. but i honestly could see myself partnering up with an architect and doing design build work. and i really think i wanna go into residential. its more personal, and its more where im used to, i work one on one everyday with homeowners currently and i love it when i get them exactly what they need and wanted. the expressions are priceless sometimes. and i could see the same satisfaction working in the residential field. i wouldn't work for a large corporate conglomerate. i would employ myself and get more personal with the homeowner. as much as i love large buildings and would love to work on large scale projects i think the smaller ones are more my style. but i still cant be certain. but then again what can you, in life, be certain about. right now, theres nothing that comes to mind.
the only thing that i can even think of that i can be slightly certain about is that im doomed, lol. i always act first and then think later. i get myself in too deep, but yet i always manage to get myself out somehow, thats one specialty of mine. its like every relationship ive had i get in too quick, before i really know where im going. and then i do something that screws it up, and that scares me. out of all the darkness right now there is one shining star in my life, i recently met this beautiful, smart, and crazy girl. we've hung out a few times and just talked for a few hours, even if for some reason i was having a total memory loss the other night i still managed to try to say what i was thinking. i love everything about this girl, she is intelligent, having already received a BS in bio, and now doing ID, and possibly architecture. she is absolutely beautiful. shes goofy, and she knows how to have fun. but im scared cuz i dont want to screw this one up. im not even sure if this will go anywhere, but with this being finals week and all im pretty sure i wont find out this week, but at the same time i dont want to know. i want to take it slow with her and get to know her better before i start all of this BS that my mind always does.