[Think] Step Up
Due to a conversation on Twitter, I was reminded of this post which I wrote in June of 2009. It was a post about speaking up for others, in the context of our culture. I'm reposting it, because I think it is worthwhile to do so.
I'm reposting it in full and unchanged. I'm still debating whether to make this post public or not (it was last time), but if you'd like to link this so folk not in my f-list can see, just let me know in the comments and I'll change the settings.
Note: I will banhammer trolls and derailing attempts in a heartbeat, and without a second thought. =)
~*~
If you're reading this and are a man, I ask you this. It's not a favor I'm asking for. Keep this in mind. It's not a challenge. Some of you will say you know this. But this goes further than just knowing. it's not just about saying "Oh, I know this!". It's about DOING. It's about lifestyle. It's about every day words and actions. It's about changing the world we live in, one word at a time, one action at a time. Over and over and over again, until it sticks.
So. Here I am, asking you this. I'm asking you to do this because it's the right thing to do. I'm asking you this when I shouldn't have to ask you this because there should be no need for it. And yet, here we are. There is need.
And so I ask: Step up.
The next time you see a situation where a male co-worker(s)/friend(s)/stranger(s) is/are making a female colleague(s)/friend(s)/stranger(s) feel uncomfortable, or belittled. Step up.
Even if she's putting up a good front or acting like its normal and okay because that's what a woman is conditioned to do, to be polite, to not raise a fuss, to pretend it's okay to be treated like something less than human, to not get in trouble because she's out-numbered or won't be listened to or will just be laughed at for speaking up for herself. Because she's afraid she'll get in trouble if she speaks up for herself. Because she doubts her right to do so. Because she's afraid to do so. Because she knows - not believes - but knows no one will listen. Because she thinks even if she speaks up, everyone will believe him. Step up.
The next time you see a (possibly incapacitated) woman being taken advantage of at a party/club/friend's house, if you see a woman being verbally abused or physically intimidated at night or in broad daylight with onlookers not intervening. Step up.
The next time you hear a guy make jokes about rapes, jokes that cheapen woman and enable a culture of rape, encourage his friends to treat a woman like a thing, like dirt. Like she's there for his convenience. STEP UP.
It's not enough to just think you'd do it. Be aware. Be pro-active. Don't walk around with the blinders of privilege, unable to see what's going on right beside you.
Because it's not okay. IT'S NOT OKAY. So step up. Say something. Tell your buddies what they're doing isn't okay. Tell the guy over there that what he's saying is wrong. That was he's doing is wrong. Call for help. Call the police. Do something.
It's not just the big things. It's the small everyday things too, that aren't so small and are soul crushing nonetheless. It's everything. Everywhere.
So. Be That Guy.
Be That Guy because it's how things should be. Not because you're some kind of hero, or because you'd deserve kudos for it, or because you're a knight-in-shining-armor - but because in everyday life, that's how things should be. Because a woman shouldn't have to be confronted with behavior that belittles her, or diminishes her, or makes her feel unworthy or unsafe. Because our society needs to change. Because the culture of rape needs to be exposed for what it is and it needs to be confronted and shown as wrong, one small bit at a time.
Be That Guy because those guys? Odds are pretty damn high they won't listen to a woman telling them this. Actually, it's pretty much certain. A guy listening to a woman in this kind of situation, particularly with other guys around? Exception to the rule. Cold hard fact.
But they might listen to you. They might listen to another guy.
It doesn't matter if it's at work, or in the streets. Or at home with your friends and family.
BE THAT GUY.
And if you get thanked for it? Remind yourself of this.
It's not about you.
This is not something a woman should need to thank you for in the first place.
~*~
Stepping up isn't just for guys. This was proven to me today, and this is why I'm extending this post. This is shorter, but when you factor in a culture where women are told to shut up, to be polite, to not rock the boat, to not raise a fuss... this is bigger. This is hard. And it's always going to be hard. And terrifying.
It will also be worth it.
If you're reading this and you're a woman and you've been/are being harassed, speak up. I know it's not a question of if, but of when. That's how things are. So. Talk to Human Resources. Talk to your superior, the one in charge of keeping your work environment safe. Talk to a trusted person. Hopefully, someone in that chain won't let you down. Hopefully the people who are supposed to be there for you, will be there for you.
The ones who prey on women, the ones who make sexist jokes and crass remarks? They don't do that just to you. They do it to other women too.
It's not just about you
And this is just one situation of many. One potential scenario. It's the one I bring here as an example, because it's close to home on many levels, in many instances. Because today, it's the one that made me cry. For myself, and for someone else.
So.
Step up.
Speak out.
Be That Woman.
~*~
If any of you wish to link to this, do so. If any of you wish to repost any of the two sections above on your own journal, blog, whathaveyou - go ahead. Copy paste and do so. No credit needed nor even wanted. Just... please, repost this request.
Step up, you know.
~*~
And, finally, a personal note. Because I think it needs to be said, out here, for everyone to read. But most importantly, for her to read.
I know someone who was That Woman today.
I respect her tremendously and am endlessly proud to call her friend.
~*~
And, because I'm already seeing some responses to some people who posted links to this, here is link to Derailing for Dummies. Bear it mind - the one you link this to has to want to learn to even come close to being able to appreciate this.
I'll find the one about tone when I can, unless someone has the kindness to link it here first.
And, a good post on tone and why it's the last type of argument to bring to this kind of discussion.
I'm reposting it in full and unchanged. I'm still debating whether to make this post public or not (it was last time), but if you'd like to link this so folk not in my f-list can see, just let me know in the comments and I'll change the settings.
Note: I will banhammer trolls and derailing attempts in a heartbeat, and without a second thought. =)
~*~
If you're reading this and are a man, I ask you this. It's not a favor I'm asking for. Keep this in mind. It's not a challenge. Some of you will say you know this. But this goes further than just knowing. it's not just about saying "Oh, I know this!". It's about DOING. It's about lifestyle. It's about every day words and actions. It's about changing the world we live in, one word at a time, one action at a time. Over and over and over again, until it sticks.
So. Here I am, asking you this. I'm asking you to do this because it's the right thing to do. I'm asking you this when I shouldn't have to ask you this because there should be no need for it. And yet, here we are. There is need.
And so I ask: Step up.
The next time you see a situation where a male co-worker(s)/friend(s)/stranger(s) is/are making a female colleague(s)/friend(s)/stranger(s) feel uncomfortable, or belittled. Step up.
Even if she's putting up a good front or acting like its normal and okay because that's what a woman is conditioned to do, to be polite, to not raise a fuss, to pretend it's okay to be treated like something less than human, to not get in trouble because she's out-numbered or won't be listened to or will just be laughed at for speaking up for herself. Because she's afraid she'll get in trouble if she speaks up for herself. Because she doubts her right to do so. Because she's afraid to do so. Because she knows - not believes - but knows no one will listen. Because she thinks even if she speaks up, everyone will believe him. Step up.
The next time you see a (possibly incapacitated) woman being taken advantage of at a party/club/friend's house, if you see a woman being verbally abused or physically intimidated at night or in broad daylight with onlookers not intervening. Step up.
The next time you hear a guy make jokes about rapes, jokes that cheapen woman and enable a culture of rape, encourage his friends to treat a woman like a thing, like dirt. Like she's there for his convenience. STEP UP.
It's not enough to just think you'd do it. Be aware. Be pro-active. Don't walk around with the blinders of privilege, unable to see what's going on right beside you.
Because it's not okay. IT'S NOT OKAY. So step up. Say something. Tell your buddies what they're doing isn't okay. Tell the guy over there that what he's saying is wrong. That was he's doing is wrong. Call for help. Call the police. Do something.
It's not just the big things. It's the small everyday things too, that aren't so small and are soul crushing nonetheless. It's everything. Everywhere.
So. Be That Guy.
Be That Guy because it's how things should be. Not because you're some kind of hero, or because you'd deserve kudos for it, or because you're a knight-in-shining-armor - but because in everyday life, that's how things should be. Because a woman shouldn't have to be confronted with behavior that belittles her, or diminishes her, or makes her feel unworthy or unsafe. Because our society needs to change. Because the culture of rape needs to be exposed for what it is and it needs to be confronted and shown as wrong, one small bit at a time.
Be That Guy because those guys? Odds are pretty damn high they won't listen to a woman telling them this. Actually, it's pretty much certain. A guy listening to a woman in this kind of situation, particularly with other guys around? Exception to the rule. Cold hard fact.
But they might listen to you. They might listen to another guy.
It doesn't matter if it's at work, or in the streets. Or at home with your friends and family.
BE THAT GUY.
And if you get thanked for it? Remind yourself of this.
It's not about you.
This is not something a woman should need to thank you for in the first place.
~*~
Stepping up isn't just for guys. This was proven to me today, and this is why I'm extending this post. This is shorter, but when you factor in a culture where women are told to shut up, to be polite, to not rock the boat, to not raise a fuss... this is bigger. This is hard. And it's always going to be hard. And terrifying.
It will also be worth it.
If you're reading this and you're a woman and you've been/are being harassed, speak up. I know it's not a question of if, but of when. That's how things are. So. Talk to Human Resources. Talk to your superior, the one in charge of keeping your work environment safe. Talk to a trusted person. Hopefully, someone in that chain won't let you down. Hopefully the people who are supposed to be there for you, will be there for you.
The ones who prey on women, the ones who make sexist jokes and crass remarks? They don't do that just to you. They do it to other women too.
It's not just about you
And this is just one situation of many. One potential scenario. It's the one I bring here as an example, because it's close to home on many levels, in many instances. Because today, it's the one that made me cry. For myself, and for someone else.
So.
Step up.
Speak out.
Be That Woman.
~*~
If any of you wish to link to this, do so. If any of you wish to repost any of the two sections above on your own journal, blog, whathaveyou - go ahead. Copy paste and do so. No credit needed nor even wanted. Just... please, repost this request.
Step up, you know.
~*~
And, finally, a personal note. Because I think it needs to be said, out here, for everyone to read. But most importantly, for her to read.
I know someone who was That Woman today.
I respect her tremendously and am endlessly proud to call her friend.
~*~
And, because I'm already seeing some responses to some people who posted links to this, here is link to Derailing for Dummies. Bear it mind - the one you link this to has to want to learn to even come close to being able to appreciate this.
I'll find the one about tone when I can, unless someone has the kindness to link it here first.
And, a good post on tone and why it's the last type of argument to bring to this kind of discussion.