Insanity
Why do I feel like everything is different? Nothings changed. But my gut tells me something is wrong. Or changing? I'm confused. Things I used to enjoy now upset me. And I'm reverting to being pissed at everyone. Is this just like the last time I was in the down swing of my mood cycle? Or is this different?
Why can't I just be normal? Or at least happy?
I keep thinking about everything in the past few years. I was mowing the back yard and it hit me how long it's been that we've been here. I look around and realize everything I've done. Dug up a tree. Filled in a low spot (half the yard). Planted two trees and built a garden. Dug up one tree and laid down a dog pen. Planted another two trees. All that work. So long a time. But looking back at my life it hasn't changed at all. I feel like I've wasted all my time. What have I really done? I go through each day thinking only of the immediate future. So much that in hindsight I could have done better, or at all.
I just wish I could see some difference. Something to make me feel like I've done something.
Why can't I just be normal? Or at least happy?
I keep thinking about everything in the past few years. I was mowing the back yard and it hit me how long it's been that we've been here. I look around and realize everything I've done. Dug up a tree. Filled in a low spot (half the yard). Planted two trees and built a garden. Dug up one tree and laid down a dog pen. Planted another two trees. All that work. So long a time. But looking back at my life it hasn't changed at all. I feel like I've wasted all my time. What have I really done? I go through each day thinking only of the immediate future. So much that in hindsight I could have done better, or at all.
I just wish I could see some difference. Something to make me feel like I've done something.