Queries regarding "Sealegs"rachriendeauJune 23 2010, 23:02:53 UTC
1. “wrenched us”- A picky little thing, assume the crew, but where are they, dead? A shred of doubt whether Liza was there, too. 2. “Gulls or children pained”- the repetition of the phrase insists itself in some sections. At times it seems forced in so succinct a piece. 3. “Her shoulders pale and round like sand dollars”- Beautiful and natural in the lapping of detail and reflection of the character's narration. 4. “her undoubtedly aching knees”- why undoubtedly? Is she clenching them to her chin every morning? But she seems graceful and calmer than that. Or is this an innuendo of sorts? 5. “This is what happens when you reach into oceans and unknowns, you find shit like this”- too cryptic and grave a pronouncement to be realistic. Who speaks like that? The oceans, maybe, but what unknowns? A hint at something mystical happening, but I’ve missed it, aside from his vision of Liza selkie-smooth, and your other allusion to that myth, “as if I really do have her skin folded up and stuffed away somewhere.” She had apple trees, so the only supernatural possibilities here are that he is a selkie, or met and fled from one in the ocean, or it’s just similes and metaphors inappropriately twisted in, as he seems to fantasize that she had no skin, OR she is a selkie but one unbound, he having decided not to take her skin. 6. Which character says “you should have left me for dead?” The ambiguity works, but I’m not sure you intended it.
Overall, beautiful language laced with nautical nature imagery. It’s only the vagueness that troubles some, even after several close readings. Who left who? How do the surviving sailor and Liza really feel about each other? She seems resentful at times, understanding at others. And what exactly is difficult for the sailor? He sleeps, or he doesn’t. He feels “somewhat of a man” why, just because he can’t get it up, or because of what happened out there, the sea, often a considered a female entity, overpowering him, or a combination of both, most likely, but why, what happened out there? And Liza makes him breakfast, a gesture of care or of subjugation? And “She never seems to mind. She holds me by the shoulders till I sleep.” Maybe I just don’t have the insight into what impotence does to a man. But a little something must be clarified. A “he said” or “she said” in that final conversation. A confirmation of where they are during that conversation- Liverpool? Or a stronger hint of what the girl is driving at, whipping up porridge, shrugging off sexless nights, and then storming off in claims of dehydration.
1. “wrenched us”- A picky little thing, assume the crew, but where are they, dead? A shred of doubt whether Liza was there, too.
2. “Gulls or children pained”- the repetition of the phrase insists itself in some sections. At times it seems forced in so succinct a piece.
3. “Her shoulders pale and round like sand dollars”- Beautiful and natural in the lapping of detail and reflection of the character's narration.
4. “her undoubtedly aching knees”- why undoubtedly? Is she clenching them to her chin every morning? But she seems graceful and calmer than that. Or is this an innuendo of sorts?
5. “This is what happens when you reach into oceans and unknowns, you find shit like this”- too cryptic and grave a pronouncement to be realistic. Who speaks like that? The oceans, maybe, but what unknowns? A hint at something mystical happening, but I’ve missed it, aside from his vision of Liza selkie-smooth, and your other allusion to that myth, “as if I really do have her skin folded up and stuffed away somewhere.” She had apple trees, so the only supernatural possibilities here are that he is a selkie, or met and fled from one in the ocean, or it’s just similes and metaphors inappropriately twisted in, as he seems to fantasize that she had no skin, OR she is a selkie but one unbound, he having decided not to take her skin.
6. Which character says “you should have left me for dead?” The ambiguity works, but I’m not sure you intended it.
Overall, beautiful language laced with nautical nature imagery. It’s only the vagueness that troubles some, even after several close readings. Who left who? How do the surviving sailor and Liza really feel about each other? She seems resentful at times, understanding at others. And what exactly is difficult for the sailor? He sleeps, or he doesn’t. He feels “somewhat of a man” why, just because he can’t get it up, or because of what happened out there, the sea, often a considered a female entity, overpowering him, or a combination of both, most likely, but why, what happened out there? And Liza makes him breakfast, a gesture of care or of subjugation? And “She never seems to mind. She holds me by the shoulders till I sleep.” Maybe I just don’t have the insight into what impotence does to a man. But a little something must be clarified. A “he said” or “she said” in that final conversation. A confirmation of where they are during that conversation- Liverpool? Or a stronger hint of what the girl is driving at, whipping up porridge, shrugging off sexless nights, and then storming off in claims of dehydration.
Offer the reader just one thing more.
Thanks for your story. :)
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