25 days
25 days until i leave for rome. 26 until i get to dublin. 27 days until i arrive in rome. ooooo the excitement is killing me now that the anxiety of paperwork and financial aid has been taken care of. i'm having a party on august 16th for anyone who wants to come. my friend alan from australia will be in michigan (i'm carting his hot ass all around and he's staying at my house). so i'm having a party to get all the camp kids together rather than trying to drive all around. its also for me so i can get all my friends together before i leave, too. i really want people to come. the more the merrier.
so this kid from aur (american university of rome) added me as a friend on facebook and i was looking at his page and stuff. and i realized, i'm older than him. he's a grad student and will be in charge of orienting all of us new kids and stuff...and i'm like 2 years older than him. i knew that i would be older than most of the kids i'm going to be orienting with and stuff...but i guess i didn't think about the fact that they're freshmen for the first time. and i'm junior for the second time. i'm going to be 6 years older than most of them. feels wierd.
which got me thinking about what i've been doing since i graduated from nmu. its been 2, almost 2.5 years since i was in college. and it doesn't seem like so long ago. but if i look at it in terms of change...holy waugh...i've changed so much. over the last 2 years i've figured out how much i absolutely need people. i've also learned to get close to girls as friends. i've also become and emotional robot. but i feel...so much more free and content than i was 2 year ago. i used to feel so much shame for things. i was so repressed too. i wouldn't let myself do things becuase i wanted to be a certain way...i wanted to be like all my friends who seemed happy. i thought that if i just did whatever it was i thought they did then i would be happy too. but that's not how it works. i've learned i'm a complete freak...but i love it. by acknowledging it and accepting it as ok...and by meeting people who either are the same or at least don't judge...and by realizing that my real friends don't judge me either...i've become so happy with it. like...por ejemplo...i've realized...i love boobs. love them. love to motorboat them. good times. and i love biting people and being bitten. there's more but its not necessary to go into unless peopel are terribly curious. like its strange. i've really become a freak...but i think that i've just realized that its ok...and that probably most people are to an extent in their own way...they just don't talk about it. and i use the word 'freak' because that's the most mainstream word for it. but i don't really find it freakish at all. its fine. freak has a fairly negative connotation to it and implies an element something that is not acceptable. i'm ok with it. i don't know. i guess it could apply. when compared to an amish person...i'm a freak. but then again...what do we really know about the amish. haha.
in the last two years i've done things i never thought i would have ever done before. seeing multiple guys....my piercing...had the balls to sign up for a 2 year stint in a foreign country...been to several strip clubs...etc. the last 2.5 years haven't been great. in fact, most of it has been pretty awful, with little glimmering moments of amazingness. but since march....it seems things have turned around a lot...especially in my head. its good.
in other news..i'm going to grand rapids tomorrow to see my friend ben and his family. his dad is going to make me authentic japanese food. i love ben's dad. he's one of the coolest people in the world. and fascinating. and he loves me...and talks to ben about me all the time i guess. which is good for my ego. :)
what else...phill is coming over on thursday which will be fun. saturday i might get together with bobbie and justin. i haven't seen justin forever. he's back from chicago now...and i don't have nearly enough gay men in my life. i love that he's so comfortable and open with it. i have several gay friends...and they're either not out or they're very reserved. and i like when a guy can talk about liking other guys...becuase i like guys too. and it something in common. and an easy topic to talk about.
a little bit of sadness at leaving my friends is starting to creep in. i'm so terrible at saying goodbye. i HATE it. so many people say they're going to visit me when i'm in rome. which i would love. but honestly, other than my mom, i think only one of them will. maybe two.
my friend robert is having/should have already had a baby with his girlfriend. this is very exciting. i'm excited for him. i don't think it was planned, but he's fully embraced it. i just hope everything goes/went ok. he woudn't tell me the sex or any names. sneaky bastard. i just hope they're something i can pronounce/say (he's dutch and his girlfriend's name is beyond me. its like...practically all vowels with wke at the end). so yeah...i'm very excited for him.
i bought a camcorder for $100. and it love it. its small and simple. which is what i need. because i don't plan to do anything fancy with it at all. just take it with me around europe. maybe like...video blog a bit. make homemade porn..you know...the normal things you do with video cameras...haha i kid....or do i? ;) this is what it looks like. i got it at ubid.com
i like abba's music.
ok well i had more to talk about. but i can't remember any more.
so this kid from aur (american university of rome) added me as a friend on facebook and i was looking at his page and stuff. and i realized, i'm older than him. he's a grad student and will be in charge of orienting all of us new kids and stuff...and i'm like 2 years older than him. i knew that i would be older than most of the kids i'm going to be orienting with and stuff...but i guess i didn't think about the fact that they're freshmen for the first time. and i'm junior for the second time. i'm going to be 6 years older than most of them. feels wierd.
which got me thinking about what i've been doing since i graduated from nmu. its been 2, almost 2.5 years since i was in college. and it doesn't seem like so long ago. but if i look at it in terms of change...holy waugh...i've changed so much. over the last 2 years i've figured out how much i absolutely need people. i've also learned to get close to girls as friends. i've also become and emotional robot. but i feel...so much more free and content than i was 2 year ago. i used to feel so much shame for things. i was so repressed too. i wouldn't let myself do things becuase i wanted to be a certain way...i wanted to be like all my friends who seemed happy. i thought that if i just did whatever it was i thought they did then i would be happy too. but that's not how it works. i've learned i'm a complete freak...but i love it. by acknowledging it and accepting it as ok...and by meeting people who either are the same or at least don't judge...and by realizing that my real friends don't judge me either...i've become so happy with it. like...por ejemplo...i've realized...i love boobs. love them. love to motorboat them. good times. and i love biting people and being bitten. there's more but its not necessary to go into unless peopel are terribly curious. like its strange. i've really become a freak...but i think that i've just realized that its ok...and that probably most people are to an extent in their own way...they just don't talk about it. and i use the word 'freak' because that's the most mainstream word for it. but i don't really find it freakish at all. its fine. freak has a fairly negative connotation to it and implies an element something that is not acceptable. i'm ok with it. i don't know. i guess it could apply. when compared to an amish person...i'm a freak. but then again...what do we really know about the amish. haha.
in the last two years i've done things i never thought i would have ever done before. seeing multiple guys....my piercing...had the balls to sign up for a 2 year stint in a foreign country...been to several strip clubs...etc. the last 2.5 years haven't been great. in fact, most of it has been pretty awful, with little glimmering moments of amazingness. but since march....it seems things have turned around a lot...especially in my head. its good.
in other news..i'm going to grand rapids tomorrow to see my friend ben and his family. his dad is going to make me authentic japanese food. i love ben's dad. he's one of the coolest people in the world. and fascinating. and he loves me...and talks to ben about me all the time i guess. which is good for my ego. :)
what else...phill is coming over on thursday which will be fun. saturday i might get together with bobbie and justin. i haven't seen justin forever. he's back from chicago now...and i don't have nearly enough gay men in my life. i love that he's so comfortable and open with it. i have several gay friends...and they're either not out or they're very reserved. and i like when a guy can talk about liking other guys...becuase i like guys too. and it something in common. and an easy topic to talk about.
a little bit of sadness at leaving my friends is starting to creep in. i'm so terrible at saying goodbye. i HATE it. so many people say they're going to visit me when i'm in rome. which i would love. but honestly, other than my mom, i think only one of them will. maybe two.
my friend robert is having/should have already had a baby with his girlfriend. this is very exciting. i'm excited for him. i don't think it was planned, but he's fully embraced it. i just hope everything goes/went ok. he woudn't tell me the sex or any names. sneaky bastard. i just hope they're something i can pronounce/say (he's dutch and his girlfriend's name is beyond me. its like...practically all vowels with wke at the end). so yeah...i'm very excited for him.
i bought a camcorder for $100. and it love it. its small and simple. which is what i need. because i don't plan to do anything fancy with it at all. just take it with me around europe. maybe like...video blog a bit. make homemade porn..you know...the normal things you do with video cameras...haha i kid....or do i? ;) this is what it looks like. i got it at ubid.com
i like abba's music.
ok well i had more to talk about. but i can't remember any more.