My life in a nutshell
so I havent updated in a long time. dont bother reading i'm just doing this to vent. I'm not okay anymore. I feel like every part of my has been ripped away from me. My best friend, my brother, my family, a lot of my friends. I honestly feel like I have nothing right now except for monyka and shes with her boyfriend 90% of the time and I totally understand that because thats how I was for 2 1/2 years. I've faced reality a lot lately. My brother is a tweeker. I've tried to do every single thing in my power to help him and make him okay but no matter what I do I either make everything worse or I get in trouble by my parents for "catering to him" my best friend hates me and wants nothing to do with me. You never realize how much someone means to you until they're gone. It just sucks that I can't talk to him and know how he is and know that I can't be there for him if he hurts. and I wont even start on my last relationship. I didn't think that once I lost my virginity that everything would change. I thought it was something that would make me feel good and be happy. but thats not how it turned out. In some ways its made me grow up even more but it's just another stress and worry on my shoulders. I really feel like theres nothing left for me to give anymore. I gave myself to someone for 2 1/2 years everything that I had and look where it got me. Heartbroken and hurt and lied to. and then I jumped into another relationship and that got me in the exact same position as the previous relationship. Maybe i'm not meant to be with anyone. at least right now. My mom told me the other day that I can't love someone and give them everything I have until I love myself and can go an hour without crying. Thats not normal to cry all the time everyday. I'm so touchy and sensitive lately. I can't go ANYWHERE without at least one person asking me if my brothers still a fucking tweeker. or someone asking me if P.j and I are still together no one can ask me how I am. It's always how all the other people in my life are doing. All this stress has really broken me down. I quit my job. I dropped out of school again. I really am the most miserable i've ever been in my life. I feel so empty and used and hurt and sad and angry. I just want everything to go away. I want to go away.