Dam Rob Brezsny…
and I had the gall to dismiss him
“Let's say that you lost a treasured object a while back. What do you think the odds are that you'll find it this week? Or let's say that a bewildering companion walked out of your life many moons ago. How much do you want to bet that your paths will cross again soon? According to my reading of the omens, events like these could be common between now and August 15. That's because the past is cycling back to you for another look. Revival and resurrection are in the air. What has been old may become new again. Are you ready to experience something resembling time travel?”
He walked into my meeting and my heart skipped… I was unaware he was back in town… dam. We worked together a few years ago, before my life changed; he went off to fight in this stupid war, like so many of my friends. The downfall of working for the defense industry, my friends actually go off to war. Some don’t come back. I gave him a crystal before he left; a simple little gift. Now he is back and on my project. Meg’s says I should ask him out, but that intimidates me so… sometimes I feel like I am 16 again. I have a love hate relationship with this feeling; its powerful and invigorating, yet frustrating and nerve wracking. Always the question of what to do. We had a short meeting to bring him up to speed on the project; the only thing out on his desk other than his computer was the crystal. I find that odd. We have fallen into our old friendship pattern, slightly playful, yet never crossing the bounds of professionalism. He has mentioned twice that we should go and get a drink and catch up, but has not solidified the invitation. I’m not sure if it is simply polite banter or an actual invitation. For now I suppose I will just let it go.
Last week I went to Boy Scout camp. It was interesting, different, but fun. I spent a few days in camp, kayaking, at the shooting range, and helping some younger scouts with their “trail blazer” merit badge. For much of the week I went with my older troop members on a high adventure trek into the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. 4 days of wilderness camping, the Boy Scout way. It was fun I learned a few things. It rained… a lot. The boys spent lots of time fishing, exploring and being 13 and 14 in the woods. I was able to spend a bit of time watching the water, watching the clouds. For two days we were joined by a fairly young eagle. He hunted near our camp and perched several yards off to watch us. On Friday Coleman and I met with our troops committee and it turns out we have both completed all the requirements, and are now both eligible to be nominated into the Order of the Arrow. More over, Coleman thinks it’s cool that we can both go through our ordeal together… Walking back to our troop camp, it hit me that David would have really enjoyed this… and yet he does not even know, is not the least bit aware of what he is missing. It’s really too bad.
While I was at camp David sent me a few txt messages… he is moving back in with his parents. He met with his lawyer and apparently received bad news… he has no shot in court. Apparently (this information supplemented by Malika) his lawyer fears the judge will go hard on him for not attempting to pay anything on the settlement. He admitted to the lawyer that he told the kids not to let me know he had gotten a raise, so it makes the child support stuff even uglier, and as we will have the same judge who preceded over our divorce, well his lawyer recommenced he stay out of court at all cost… The old karma bitch slap. It light of this new information his betrothed has broken up with him… it’s really too bad, his fantasy of divorce has crumbled about his ears. He is broke, over 40 in a dead end job and living with his parents… yeah, this has always been his biggest fear.
This information does not set off any real feelings inside of me. I feel that it’s too bad that he is going through all of this, yet I am so far removed from it. I harbor no gitty happiness, no real sorrow, not even satisfaction. I do not feel like he is “getting what he deserved” nor do I feel any real inclination to reach out to him as a friend, he has sent the last few years killing all of that. I feel as I do when I hear of a distant aquatint falling on hard times. It’s too bad, but really not much I can do. He will evolve, or start the cycle again, move in with mom and dad, get pissed off, move out.
For the kids and I, we are moving forward with our busy summer. Malika and I are on staff at the World of Fairies festival in Elgin this weekend, and next weekend the kids and I are going camping/kayaking in Wis. Then Aria is coming home for a visit and we will all take a quick trip to St. Louis to see mom and dad. In September I will head back to Lothlorien for Wild magic. I feel freer than I have in a long time. I miss my tribe terribly, but healing the children and creating this new family took precedence. Maybe in the coming months I can find some balance between the two… I can always hope.
“Let's say that you lost a treasured object a while back. What do you think the odds are that you'll find it this week? Or let's say that a bewildering companion walked out of your life many moons ago. How much do you want to bet that your paths will cross again soon? According to my reading of the omens, events like these could be common between now and August 15. That's because the past is cycling back to you for another look. Revival and resurrection are in the air. What has been old may become new again. Are you ready to experience something resembling time travel?”
He walked into my meeting and my heart skipped… I was unaware he was back in town… dam. We worked together a few years ago, before my life changed; he went off to fight in this stupid war, like so many of my friends. The downfall of working for the defense industry, my friends actually go off to war. Some don’t come back. I gave him a crystal before he left; a simple little gift. Now he is back and on my project. Meg’s says I should ask him out, but that intimidates me so… sometimes I feel like I am 16 again. I have a love hate relationship with this feeling; its powerful and invigorating, yet frustrating and nerve wracking. Always the question of what to do. We had a short meeting to bring him up to speed on the project; the only thing out on his desk other than his computer was the crystal. I find that odd. We have fallen into our old friendship pattern, slightly playful, yet never crossing the bounds of professionalism. He has mentioned twice that we should go and get a drink and catch up, but has not solidified the invitation. I’m not sure if it is simply polite banter or an actual invitation. For now I suppose I will just let it go.
Last week I went to Boy Scout camp. It was interesting, different, but fun. I spent a few days in camp, kayaking, at the shooting range, and helping some younger scouts with their “trail blazer” merit badge. For much of the week I went with my older troop members on a high adventure trek into the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. 4 days of wilderness camping, the Boy Scout way. It was fun I learned a few things. It rained… a lot. The boys spent lots of time fishing, exploring and being 13 and 14 in the woods. I was able to spend a bit of time watching the water, watching the clouds. For two days we were joined by a fairly young eagle. He hunted near our camp and perched several yards off to watch us. On Friday Coleman and I met with our troops committee and it turns out we have both completed all the requirements, and are now both eligible to be nominated into the Order of the Arrow. More over, Coleman thinks it’s cool that we can both go through our ordeal together… Walking back to our troop camp, it hit me that David would have really enjoyed this… and yet he does not even know, is not the least bit aware of what he is missing. It’s really too bad.
While I was at camp David sent me a few txt messages… he is moving back in with his parents. He met with his lawyer and apparently received bad news… he has no shot in court. Apparently (this information supplemented by Malika) his lawyer fears the judge will go hard on him for not attempting to pay anything on the settlement. He admitted to the lawyer that he told the kids not to let me know he had gotten a raise, so it makes the child support stuff even uglier, and as we will have the same judge who preceded over our divorce, well his lawyer recommenced he stay out of court at all cost… The old karma bitch slap. It light of this new information his betrothed has broken up with him… it’s really too bad, his fantasy of divorce has crumbled about his ears. He is broke, over 40 in a dead end job and living with his parents… yeah, this has always been his biggest fear.
This information does not set off any real feelings inside of me. I feel that it’s too bad that he is going through all of this, yet I am so far removed from it. I harbor no gitty happiness, no real sorrow, not even satisfaction. I do not feel like he is “getting what he deserved” nor do I feel any real inclination to reach out to him as a friend, he has sent the last few years killing all of that. I feel as I do when I hear of a distant aquatint falling on hard times. It’s too bad, but really not much I can do. He will evolve, or start the cycle again, move in with mom and dad, get pissed off, move out.
For the kids and I, we are moving forward with our busy summer. Malika and I are on staff at the World of Fairies festival in Elgin this weekend, and next weekend the kids and I are going camping/kayaking in Wis. Then Aria is coming home for a visit and we will all take a quick trip to St. Louis to see mom and dad. In September I will head back to Lothlorien for Wild magic. I feel freer than I have in a long time. I miss my tribe terribly, but healing the children and creating this new family took precedence. Maybe in the coming months I can find some balance between the two… I can always hope.