thoughts..
well. lately there has been some struggles with the oppisite sex. ugh. dont u just hate boys? theres so many that talk to me and the ones that i want to like me dont and the ones i consider frends just wanna be with me.. so im soo stuck. theres one guy that i like very much. but he reminds me toooo much of my ex. with the drugs and all and i cant handle that. i dunno what im gonna do, he makes me very happy. but his morals are totally oppisite of mine. i guess im just lonely and looking for an excuse to bitch... i really wish God would at least send me a sign and tell me that im not gonna be alone forever. lately ive been thinking and i know Jo and i will never be together again. i was just fooling myself.. just so i could feel loved. but i know in my heart that its over forever. all i really want is some closure. i need it so bad.. but everytime i try and get closure and i go and see him ... i fall back in love with him.. i wish i never went this summer to see him! im so afraid im not gonna graduate and its adding on to my list of things.. senior project is wearing me down and im getting so depressed over it. at this point i just wanna drop out. but i know i cant.. im so afraid im gonna be sum drop out loser without a life and living on the streets. im sooo scared! i really dont know what to do with myself.. i just wanna cry and cry. and country music doesnt help at all. i miss my mom and i just feel helpless.. for the past couple of days .. moving here helped me very much but sumtimes im not sure. i have wonderful friends and acceptable grades.. well i used to.. and im just sad and i wanna hold onto someone and never let go. i miss being in love, and i miss the feeling of the first time u said it, damn i truly am a hopeless romantic.. im gonna die alone with cats! ugh! i hate cats! i dunno what to say then..damn i wish i was perfect.. i need to go on a diet.. grrrr... i wish i was prettier... im really glad no one reads these... and if u do once again i feel sorry for you.. so sadies is coming up .. which isnt that great but hey me and jane are goin together... i want a bf.. but i need closure.. i mean if it was a clean breakup i think i'd be OKAY, but our breakup was messy and everything was misplaced (like my heart) thats why its so hard to move on... i hope some guy.. my prince charming..will come and sweep me off my feet.. not that he could pick up my d=fat ass but ya know.. but thatll never happen... :-/ ..of course.. *SIGH* oh well.. GOD, id you can hear me.. send me the man of my dreams.. HA! who am i kidding,, oh well.. i hope whoever reads this is doing well.. remember God loves you no matter what and always keep him in your heart! forever and ever! well goodnight.. ps. I HOPE YOU DANCE
<3 mEa
<3 mEa