Almost Confessions

[me_under_glass]

"Somewhere in the universe there is a little corner of it where everything makes sense; that's why I follow you... because wherever you are, that's where it is." Words spoken on a moonless night, under the covers, into the ear of someone fast asleep. It is the only way he feels safe exposing so much of himself. Need makes you weak. Longing, stupid. This is what he believes, yet he has already made himself so vulnerable to this man... this boy. Why he does it is beyond him at times, yet those words come as close as anything to describing it. If the boy knew... truly knew the depth of his need for him... would he leave? He is afraid... afraid he is not enough; not good-looking enough, not smart enough, not charming enough, not impressive enough, maybe even not scary enough to make sure the boy would never think of leaving him... never even imagine it. But he's also scared that frightening him would only make him want to leave sooner. Indecision and doubt plague him, feeling as if he's blindly groping for an answer; a way to stay by his side forever. 'Don't leave me,' he wants to tell him... but he won't; he can't make himself seem weak, and he refuses to beg; his last remaining drop of pride prevents him. But he is so afraid... and fear can twist a man to many things.

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random ramblings; voices in my head; he won't let me sleep (dear gods, why won't he let me sleep?)