My whole life, written in vauge detail on a document. heh..
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My mom came into my room last nite and started shit with me. Not a big deal right? No. I just can't take it anymore. I'm tired of it. I wish she would stop bothering me about my "problem". Ever since i told her about it she wunt stop bothering me about it. Everytime I act sad or seem sad she tells me "just dont go do it!" and it fucking annoys me because I'm not that weak. I am. Not as weak as you think mother. I told her that i thought brandons mom doesnt like me. She came in and said "does brandon know about it?" and he does. She said "Maybe he told his mom and she told him to break up with you and move on." Wow. Thanks. "Erin, don't tell boyfriends your problems because they won't treat you right." "Do you really want to have a boyfriend? because you shouldnt do that" basically telling me that because my problems I dont deserve a boyfriend. Fuck that. I was happy yesterday. Good grades. Happy with brandon. Then she just goes and fucks it up. That always happens. Fucking drunk. STOP DRINKING AND MAYBE THIS FAMILY CAN HAVE LESS PROBLEMS. The reason why dad doesn't help you emotionally is because your so difficult to deal with when your drunk. Plus you just bitch at everyone when your drunk...even if they dont deserve it. I get blamed for everything. Not my fault. Stop pushing you fucking problems on me. Im a teenager. I have to go through the same problems as you. I have to live with Lainey too. Think about me. I know your having a hard time but you cant just bitch at me and blame things on me. No one understands my position. My sister has a condition only 1 out of 500 million people can get. I am lucky to be born normal. Its a genetic thing. She wouldnt shut up about my "problem". STOP RUINING MY DAY. I wish they would divorce already. I'm going with dad. She soon started crying after a while of her bitching at me. I just kept yelling at her to leave my room. I ended up crying and calling brandon. I love him. She wouldnt stop comming in and saying mean things. I would just stare at her and look back at the tv and ignore her. I am sick of it all.
I went to the doctor this morning for my back. I didnt talk to mom. she didnt talk to me. After talking to the doctor for a while about stuff, he decided that i desporatly need to be in therapy so he told my mom what psychiatrist(sp?) to get. Not the therapist. Anyways...and that i really really need to be on anti-depressants. So now I'm on zoloft. Mom doesnt want me to be on it but the doctor prescribed it. I have to take it. Denial mother. You are in denial. You think you dont need help. You do. You need to go to an AA meeting. You need the medications like me. Stop being in denial about me. STOP SAYING I DON'T HAVE PROBLEMS. the doctor told her that she needs to stop giving me pain. Because she is the problem. My back fucking hurts because i have to stop the back meds. Dammit. It hurts alot.
Steph is comming over. I am okay. I think. I will forget it for now. But everytime i have a backache or it hurts, I'll be reminded that its all her fucking fault.