(no subject)
*****
ive lost my best friends. i dont have any best friends anymore and its all my damn fault but i have the one thats stayed there for me the whole time. all i really do have is brandon. steph has moved on. shana has nieves and chris. and tinas at bellaire. i will say that evan calls me and i love her to death for that. the only people that call me to hang out is evan and brandon. no one else does. its my fault. everythings my fault. it always is. i want everyone to quit saying they know me. they know who i am, they have no idea the things i think, they have no idea of my real intentions, my real feelings toward them. everyone has plans today. not me. all my "best friends" are busy. my moms being a bitch and won't let me go to ky's halloween party. i wish i could just confront her with everything. i wanna get out of here. im frustrated and i have no idea what to do about it. ive noticed lately that ive been taking peoples shit. whenever someone says something rude to me, i just take it. no fighting back. just soak it in, get frustrated and then when people ask if im okay tell them to go away and stop bothering me. ive changed and i hate it. i hate myself. i really do. no lies.