FIC: Closer to the Heart - Chapter 5 (Hard R)
Title: Closer to the Heart
Chapter 5: Bring on the Night
Rating: R or NC-17?
Warnings: Bit of femslash (beyond just the kissing, but a very brief scene) in this chapter. Other than that though, if you’re not offended by the episode, you shouldn’t be offended by this fic.
Summary: Willow tries to use magic. The Scoobies gain some houseguests.
Beta: The brilliant kristina_secret. Have I mentioned lately how awesome she is?
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“How’s it going?” asked Xander. He and Buffy stood at the end of the dining room, watching Willow as she prepared a spell. Anya was assisting Willow, and Dawn was at the opposite end of the table using Willow’s laptop for research.
“Dawn’s trying to find out anything she can about the Seal of Danzalthar,” Buffy explained. “Will’s about to do a locator spell, see if we can find The First.” She stretched and yawned.
“Why don’t you get some rest,” Xander suggested.”You haven’t slept for like two days. We’ll call you if we need anything.”
“Nah,” Buffy dismissed. “I-I couldn’t sleep.” The last time she had fallen asleep, she had been haunted by her mother and she wasn’t in any hurry to face that again. Not to mention the possibility that it had been The First, in which case the advice to rest should be strictly ignored. “Too much going on,” she muttered.
“It’ll be okay, Buff,” Xander offered. “We’ve faced this kind of stuff before.”
“You didn’t see The First,” said Buffy as she watched Willow pour a sandy mixture onto the table in front of her. “I did. I felt it. It was like-”
The conversation was interrupted by an explosion. Something had gone very wrong with Willow’s spell. The bowl on the table was glowing red, Anya had been blasted backwards and Dawn was crawling away quickly. Buffy watched in horror as the red light entered Willow’s nostrils and a monstrous apparition appeared.
“Will!” Buffy lunged forward. The apparition vanished as Willow stood, sending out red lightning bolts that knocked the Slayer backwards into the foyer.
“You only make me stronger,” a deep voice shouted from Willow’s mouth.
Xander grabbed the glowing bowl on the table and smashed it against the wall. The light disappeared and Willow fell to the ground, shuddering and twitching. Buffy leapt and rushed to the witch’s side.
“Will!” she said again as she held the redhead close.
“It’s still in me,” Willow sobbed. “I feel it!”
“No, it’s not,” Buffy whispered soothingly as she began stroke Willow’s hair. “It’s gone. You’re okay.”
“I don’t want to hurt anybody,” the witch pleaded. “Please, Buffy, don’t let it make me. Oh, God!”
“We won’t,” Buffy assured her. “I promise, okay? I promise. We won’t use magic to fight this thing until we know what we’re doing.”
“I can’t,” Willow cried. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“I’ve got you,” the Slayer vowed. “I love you.”
“I’m so scared,” the witch said quietly.
“It’s okay.” Willow wrapped her arms around the back of Buffy’s neck as she felt the Slayer lifting her. “Come on. You need to lie down, okay?”
“Don’t let me hurt anyone.”
“I’ve got you,” Buffy repeated firmly.
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The pair lay comfortably on Buffy’s bed. Willow was staring at the ceiling and Buffy was on her side, one arm draped over the witch’s abdomen and the other resting on a pillow.
“You gonna be okay?” the Slayer asked softly.
“Yeah,” Willow’s voice was scratchy and tired. “You were right. I-it left after Xander smashed the bowl.”
“Can I ask why you thought it was still there?”
“I could still feel…my power,” Willow admitted. “It scared me a lot.”
“I’m here for you,” the Slayer gently affirmed. “I love you, Willow.”
“I love you too, Buffy.” They kissed. “I’m sorry the spell didn’t work out.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for, Will,” Buffy said reassuringly. “What matters to me is that you’re okay.”
“I’m also sorry I hit you with lightning bolts,” Willow continued.
“Not your fault,” Buffy stated. “And also not the hardest I’ve ever been hit. I’m fine, really.”
“I’m still sorry,” the witch persisted.
“I’m not gonna accept your apology, Will,” the Slayer answered bluntly. “I don’t believe you have anything to feel sorry for.”
“You’re too good to me,” Willow answered, half-joking and half-serious.
“Just reciprocating,” Buffy said kindly. They kissed again.
Willow’s fingers entrenched themselves in Buffy’s hair as their kisses intensified. Grasping one of the Slayer’s hands with her remaining hand, Willow moved them both down her body, sliding beneath her waistband. Buffy pulled her face back.
“Will, are you sure?” she questioned, not wanting to pressure or take advantage of the witch in this state.
“Please, I need it, Buffy,” Willow pleaded.
“Okay, baby.” The Slayer leaned down, kissing and licking at the hollow of the witch’s neck as her hand pushed the rest of the way under, feeling warm arousal.
“I love you, Buffy,” Willow panted as a finger brushed against her clit.
“Love you too,” Buffy mumbled against the witch’s neck.
It was not a long or drawn-out affair. Buffy knew what Willow was looking for. No teasing or playful banter was exchanged this time, just two lovers, holding each other tightly, sating a deep need. Their bodies writhed against each other, stirring with the gentle ebb and flow of give and take. Buffy needed to give her love just as deeply as Willow needed to receive it. Their lips reunited and everything multiplied. Every stroke, every kiss brought the lovers closer together.
“Mmmm.” It was an understated moan. Willow arched into Buffy’s touch, releasing every ounce of her tension and anxiety. As her body sank back into the bed, her mind sank into a wonderful, clear calm.
“Feeling better?” Buffy asked as their lips slowly parted.
“Thank you,” Willow said by way of an answer.
“Nothing like a little sexual healing, huh?” She paused. “I really just said that.”
“You’re cute when you’re corny.” Willow kissed her again.
“I’m glad I could help you feel better,” said Buffy fervently.
“Want me to return the favor?”
“I’m okay,” Buffy said softly. She pulled her hand back up to rest on the witch’s stomach.
“Are you though?” Willow prompted. “I think you’re stressed.”
“I’m okay enough,” Buffy clarified. “I’m thinkin’ I should go out and search for this thing. I need to be doing something.”
“If that’s what you need,” Willow said supportively.
“I promise, we’ll do more later if you want to.” She kissed the witch’s forehead.
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“At least let me come with you,” Xander argued as Buffy made for the door.
“I’m going alone,” Buffy countered flatly.
“You said yourself, you don’t know how to fight The First, or even where it is.”
Buffy sighed.
“It’s out there, it’s hurting my friends, I’ll find it.”
Buffy opened the door and nearly walked into Giles.
“Buffy,” he greeted.
“Giles,” exclaimed the Slayer in surprise. She moved forward to hug him, but found her path interrupted by a procession of three girls.
“Nice place,” the first girl commented in a regional British accent that Buffy couldn’t hope to place.
“This is a Slayer?” The third girl stopped as the second passed without comment. Girl number three seemed to be sizing her up. She sighed and moved on.
Buffy glanced from the girls to Giles, hoping the question was obvious.
“Sorry to barge in,” Giles began, “we have a slight apocalypse.”
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“This sucks,” Buffy complained. She was sitting on the edge of her bed with her face in her hands. Willow paced back and forth in front of her.
“The girls?” Willow questioned. “I don’t think it’ll be that hard to adjust to. Y’know, maybe I could move into this room with you and they could take mine.”
“No,” said Buffy.
“No?” Willow’s eyes widened. “Just like that?”
“That came out wrong,” Buffy said quickly.
“It was one word.”
“Still came out wrong,” Buffy defended. “I-I didn’t mean to snub you or anything. It’s just…I feel like we should be - kinda private.”
“You don’t want the newbies to know?” Willow asked quietly.
“Basically,” Buffy admitted. “Is that okay?”
“Buffy…I don’t understand.” Willow frowned. “I thought you were okay with the coming out thing.”
“That’s not what it is,” Buffy mimicked Willow’s frown. “It’s a Slayer thing. Will, these girls need to see me as the Slayer. They’re depending on me to be the hero, not the human.”
“That doesn’t mean you have to give in to what they want,” Willow argued. “Why not correct their impression? Show them that the Slayer is more than just the hero. Teach them about finding the balance.”
“Because these girls are scared.”
“And they should be,” Willow acknowledged. “But why does that mean you only show them half of who you are?”
“Willow, please,” Buffy said softly, “I don’t wanna fight.”
“I’m sorry,” said the witch. She took a seat next to the Slayer, pushed her blonde hair to the sides of her face, and began massaging her temples. “I didn’t mean to sound so - hostile. I just don’t understand.”
“I don’t know how else to explain it,” Buffy sighed deeply, feeling uncertain. A part of her thought of mentioning the dream about her mother, but she decided against it. If The First wanted her to rest, then it was obviously the last thing she should be doing. Then again, if it really was her mom…
“Can you understand how I feel?” Willow inquired softly, pulling the Slayer from her thoughts.
“I think so,” Buffy told her sadly. “It’s not like I’m ashamed of us. I’m just trying to do what’s best for these girls.”
She knows better. She can’t do her job with complex emotional problems on her mind.
“And you think it’s best to let them think you’re not human?”
“I’m sorry that you don’t understand,” Buffy offered meekly. “I really wish you did. But these are the choices I have to make.”
And she knows her job is about to get harder.
“I wish I could change your mind, but I don’t think I can.” Willow moved her hands to Buffy’s hips and rested her head on the Slayer’s shoulder. Taking a deep breath, Willow decided to change directions. “So - so what does this mean for us? Do you wanna break up?”
“What?” Willow’s head slipped from Buffy’s shoulder as the Slayer turned to look her in the face. “No. Please no! Oh God, Willow, please don’t say that.” She wrapped her arms tightly around the redhead. “Please don’t.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Willow assured her softly. “I was just asking.”
“You’re the scariest girlfriend in the world,” Buffy complained. “I just meant - we should probably tone down the P.D.A.’s. And that we should sleep in separate rooms.”
“And what about times like now? Me and you in a locked room.”
“Less of,” Buffy answered frankly. “But we can do the thinking more. Every night before we go to bed, okay?”
“Okay.”
“I really want this to work,” Buffy said with an understated desperation in her tone.
“It will,” Willow assured her. “I mean, I disagree, but I’ll support you, Buffy. If it’s what you need. If you really think this is best, then I’ll go along with it.”
“I’m sorry that I can’t give you more.”
“No, don’t think like that,” Willow pleaded. “I love you, Buffy. Even when you have to be the Slayer, and even when I disagree with you, I love you.”
“You keep bringin’ up the disagree part,” Buffy pointed out.
“That would be my not-so-subtle attempt to emphasize that I disagree,” Willow confessed. “I think those girls need to see human-Buffy whether they know it or not. And I really wish we could just be together without other things getting in the way. But I love you anyway.”
“I love you too. I really wish we didn’t disagree.”
“So do I.”
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“Okay,” Willow spoke to potential Slayer Kennedy as she laid out sheets on the couch, “so Annabelle can sleep down here, uh, Molly can sleep in Dawn’s room-”
“Not if Dawn actually wants to sleep,” Kennedy interrupted. “Molly’ll talk her ear off.”
“Okay then,” said Willow, “Molly down here, you with Dawn, and Annabelle in my room.”
“Bad idea,” Kennedy countered. “Annabelle snores.”
Willow passed the remaining sheets to Kennedy.
“You wanna do the sleeping arrangements?” she asked in frustration.
“Okay,” Kennedy said brightly as she started up the stairs. She turned around again. “You, uh, better not hog the covers,” she added before flashing a smile and turning away again.
Willow stared after her, wide-eyed.
‘Damn.’
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“Buffy, oh my God!” Willow exclaimed as the Slayer entered Willow’s room, battered and bruised from her encounter with the Turok-Han. Buffy was already weary of the reaction, having just gotten similar from the three potentials in her kitchen. Willow sat up, hurriedly extricating herself from her sleeping bag.
“Y-you let Kennedy have the bed?” Buffy questioned, glancing back and forth between the currently-empty bed and Willow fighting her way out of the sleeping bag. Willow glanced over at the bed, seeming slightly surprised by Kennedy’s absence at this early hour, but then remembering that the potentials had travelled from a different time zone and were probably still adjusting. Willow didn’t give it any further thought, focused fully on Buffy and her unexplained injuries.
“Buffy, what happened?” Willow pressed. “You’re hurt.”
“I’m fine, really.”
“Buffy,” said Willow firmly.
“Fought a demon,” said Buffy shortly, “it’s not the first time. Well, first with this kind. Some kind of Neanderthal of the vamps or something.”
“But you’re okay?”
“I’ll live,” Buffy qualified. “I-it’s still out there though.”
“You’ll get it,” said Willow reassuringly. “I believe in you.”
“Thanks,” Buffy answered.
“I love you,” Willow told her warmly, spreading her arms as she stepped closer.
“Don’t,” said Buffy quickly. “No hugs,” she explained.
“Oh - right - sorry,” Willow responded, hands dropping to her sides.
“I love you too,” Buffy added. “I’ve - gotta go to work soon, but… Well, I wanted to see you.”
“I’m glad. I mean, I wanna support you. Really, I do. I’ve missed you though.”
“It’s only been one night,” said Buffy levelly. “I’ve missed you too though.”
“Do you think you might - change your mind?”
“Will, please…” Buffy replied softly.
“I’m sorry,” mumbled Willow. “I-I didn’t mean to push. I just wanna be with you, Buffy.”
“Kinda banged up right now,” the Slayer reminded her.
“I didn’t mean - that’s not - I mean, if we could have sex then, you know, yippee… But that’s not what I meant. I love you - and not just because you’re incredible in bed. I just wanna be close…” she reached for Buffy’s hand.
“I didn’t think you only…” Buffy pulled her hand back before Willow could take it. “I should probably get to work.”
“Buffy, wait,” Willow pleaded. “Can’t we just talk?”
“I can’t right now,” said Buffy shortly. “I - I’m really gonna be late.”
“Buffy,” Willow persisted as the Slayer turned toward the door, “you - you know I didn’t mean to - to hurt your feelings or anything, right?”
“No,” replied Buffy gently, resisting the urge to turn around. “That’s not - I know you didn’t mean - you didn’t hurt - I really just - I need to work, okay?”
“Okay… I love you,” she offered.
“I love you too,” Buffy answered, fighting to keep her voice strong and steady. “I’ll see you later.”
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Buffy surveyed her reflection sadly. She reached to unzip the sleeve of her blazer and examine the cuts and bruises still aching from her encounter with the Turok-Han, wincing as she did so.
“Buffy, what happened?” said a gentle, caring, familiar voice.
Buffy looked up at the mirror. She had thought she was in the school bathroom, but now she was fairly sure she was at home. When had that happened?
“Uh,” she responded to her mother’s voice, “oh - it’s okay, Mom.”
“I tried to warn you,” Joyce pointed out, “but - right. The last thing you need now is one of helpful Mom’s guilt trips. I’ll get you some ice.”
“No,” said Buffy firmly. “Mom, I-I can’t.”
“Buffy, you have to heal,” Joyce insisted.
“I don’t’ have time,” argued the Slayer.
“Are you worried about the sun going down?” Joyce guessed. “Because there’s some things you can’t control. The sun always goes down, the sun always comes up.”
“Everyone’s counting on me,” Buffy reasoned.
“Well, they do that,” Joyce admitted levelly, “and I’m sorry, Buffy, but these friends of yours put too much pressure on you. They always have.”
“Something evil is coming,” said the Slayer.
“Buffy, evil isn’t coming,” countered Joyce, “it’s already here. Evil is always here. Don’t you know? It’s everywhere.”
“And I have to stop it.”
“How are you gonna do that,” asked Joyce calmly.
“I-I don’t know yet, but-”
“Buffy,” Joyce interrupted, “no matter what your friends expect of you, evil is a part of us. All of us. It’s natural. And no one can stop that. No one can stop nature, not even-”
Buffy inhaled sharply as she jerked awake.
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“You’ll be okay,” Buffy said to the potential Slayers as they awaited sunset and the possible assault of the Turok-Han.
“Okay or even better,” Willow added supportively. “It’s like our guarantee.” She caught Buffy’s eye. “Um, Buffy, I just, I want you to know that I’m really sorry for letting you down.”
*What?* Buffy prompted mentally.
“You know, here before with the magic going all ‘ahhh’ and me going all ‘eeee’ and everything going all ‘rrrr.’ I wanna support you. I wish I could help out,” she finished quietly.
“We’ve been over this before, Will,” Buffy pointed out. “No one expects you to make everything right.”
*Where’s this coming from, Will?*
“Okay, so I can’t do everything,” Willow allowed, “but I should at least be able to do something. I have so much power, but when I try to use it-”
“Don’t, okay? You don’t need to push yourself.”
“Okay,” said the witch. “But - Buffy, no one should expect you to do everything either. Even if people expect it of you, that doesn’t - you shouldn’t have to do everything alone, Buffy. You need help. I know you and I know you’ll never admit it, but you need help.”
*You do help me, Will,* Buffy mentally vowed. *I need your love more than I’ll ever need your magic.*
“I-” Willow began, but stopped herself.
*I love you,* Willow completed in her thoughts.
“I’ll be okay,” Buffy said reassuringly. “Okay or better. It’s like my guarantee.”
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