FIC: Echoes of Faith - Chapter 3
Fandom: BtVS/Dollhouse
Title: Echoes of Faith
Chapter 3: Echoes of Faith
Characters/Pairing: Buffy/“Faith”, Echo
Rating: PG-13ish, maybe R for language?
Warnings: The slashing of the femmes begins here, but not very explicitly. Also some language.
Summary: Buffy and “Faith” reconnect.
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“Hey, B.”
Even without the use of her nickname, Buffy would have recognized that particular Bostonian cadence anywhere. Faith’s voice had both graced and haunted her dreams for years. Even in waking moments, she would imagine Faith’s reactions to things from time to time. It was only here and now that she realized her mind had captured it less than perfectly as she shivered in response to the two simple words.
Now it was time to discover how well she could lie to herself.
“Faith.” Buffy smiled warmly as she turned to face the person who had spoken.
It was truly amazing to observe the similarities between the two. Buffy doubted if she’d be able to tell them apart even if they were standing next to each other. The self-delusion was made much simpler by the uncanny resemblance of the doppelganger. Those gorgeous brown eyes held Buffy’s attention like little else could, though her exceptional breasts put up a hell of a fight in a tight-fitting black tank top. Her hair fell in waves and…
“You have highlights?” Buffy questioned.
“What, you don’t like ‘em?” Faith ran her fingers idly through her hair as she sat in the chair next to Buffy’s.
“I just wasn’t expecting - they’re beautiful,” Buffy complimented. “Really.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Faith waved a hand dismissively. “So, how’s it hangin’, princess?”
“Tucked in my sock, and yours?” Buffy quipped with a grin.
“Ow, and she comes out swingin’,” Faith mused.
They both chuckled for a moment and then trailed off awkwardly as their eyes locked.
“So - do you want coffee or something?” Buffy offered.
“You payin’?” asked Faith.
“Yeah,” Buffy replied, trying to sound casual.
“Then you bet your tight ass I do.”
“Excuse me,” Buffy grabbed the arm of a passing server, “two coffees please.”
“Right away, ma’am,” he mumbled and walked off.
“Everybody calls me ma’am these days,” Buffy reflected. “And I am not a tight ass,” she added defensively.
“Hate to break it to ya, B, but you’re a tight ass and you’re old too,” said Faith somberly.
“Are you even a whole year younger than me?”
“Doesn’t matter, I’m a free-spirit,” Faith stated plainly, leaning back and stretching her arms behind her head.
“Yeah, I’ve heard jail really brings that out in people,” said Buffy dryly.
“No need to be bitter,” Faith reprimanded.
“You keep insulting me and I might start thinking you don’t like me,” Buffy cautioned.
“Hey, you’re the one who started in on my hair,” Faith countered playfully.
“I love your hair,” Buffy defended, “it was just a surprise, that’s all. Come on, you know you’re gorgeous.”
“Go on,” Faith encouraged.
“Well…” Buffy pondered for a moment.
“Your coffee, ma’am.” The server had returned and Faith chuckled slightly at the renewed use of the word “ma’am.”
“That was quick,” Buffy complimented as she pulled a bill from her pocket. “Keep the change.”
“You sure?” the server asked uncertainly.
“What do I care?” said Buffy, waving her hand lazily.
“Thanks,” said the server happily as he walked away again.
“Dude, did you just give that guy a fifty?” asked Faith.
“Not a tight ass,” Buffy restated definitively.
“No, you’re a dumbass,” said Faith with a grin.
“There’s just no pleasing you, is there?” Buffy commented as she began to sip at her coffee.
“Not in that position,” Faith quipped. “Now if you wanna come over here…”
Buffy coughed slightly and set her coffee cup down.
“Ack,” she articulated, “I think I just burned my throat.”
“Well, don’t drink so fast, blondie,” Faith teased, taking a slow, pretentious sip from her own cup and setting it down with a flourish. “So, L.A.,” she prompted after she swallowed, “you livin’ here or what?”
“I’m here for now,” said Buffy with a shrug. “I’ve been moving around a lot since Cleveland.” She took a slower, more deliberate sip than before. “I was just in New York the other day to see Willow.”
“But you make me come to L.A.?”
“I bought your ticket,” Buffy pointed out. “And trust me, time away from the Hellmouth can be very therapeutic.”
“And you would know this from that one time you left for an hour?” Faith questioned.
“And that other time when I closed one,” Buffy countered.
“And then hauled your ass straight to Cleveland.”
“Everyone went to Cleveland,” Buffy reasoned.
“And most of ‘em left too,” said Faith bluntly. “But you just had to have some of that wicked energy.”
“That really wasn’t why I stayed,” said Buffy softly.
“No, I know,” Faith assured her, tone leveling out slightly. “It’s kinda obvious why you stayed.”
“What?” Buffy faltered for a moment. She had left a lot of leeway in the imprint, preferring to work for her moment so that it would feel more genuine, but this was the first thing to truly surprise her. Had she been that transparent?
“I mean, it’s the same reason you wanted to see me today, right?” said Faith bluntly.
“Well, I…” Buffy was unsure of how to respond.
“I get it,” Faith told her, “you wanna keep an eye on me?”
“Hamnu?” asked Buffy blankly.
“And I get why you’re doin’ it, but I really don’t need a babysitter, ya know?”
“God, I am so mentally challenged!” Buffy blurted out angrily, plopping her elbows onto the table and pressing her forehead against her palms.
“Wha?” It was Faith’s turn to be confused.
“Of course she - you felt that way!” Buffy ranted, head snapping up again. “How I could I have not known that? God, I - Faith, I’m really sorry,” she offered with sincerity.
“Chill, B,” said Faith nonchalantly, “we’re five by five.”
“No, we’re not,” Buffy insisted. “Faith,” she reached forward and placed a hand over one of Faith’s, “I never meant to - to put you through that.”
“It’s really not a big deal,” Faith answered with a shrug.
Buffy sighed and pulled her hand back. She recognized that this was probably the parameters of the imprint talking; the real Faith would be angrier. ‘I never meant to put you through that’ - ‘Well, you did!’ That was the way the exchange played out in Buffy’s head.
“I mean, damn, you look like you’re about to cry or somethin’,” Faith observed, the slightest hint of concern coloring her tone.
“Oh, it’s - probably pollen in the air or something,” Buffy tried, impatiently drying her eyes on her sleeve.
“Yeah,” said Faith blankly, “yeah, sure.” She took another sip of her coffee, buying time for thought. “Look, I - I probably just felt that way because - I don’t know, I was probably projecting or some stupid thing.”
“Projecting?” Buffy questioned. “They teach you that one in prison?”
“Actually, yeah,” Faith muttered.
“Oh - well - so, what are you projecting?”
“Come on,” Faith scoffed, thinking the answer was obvious. “We both know I’m a total fuck-up.”
“That’s not-”
“It is,” Faith cut her off. “I figured you were keeping an eye on me because deep down I know I deserve it.”
“You don’t,” Buffy countered indignantly. “Faith, you have come so far since then.”
“Yeah, well-”
“I mean it,” said Buffy firmly, overstepping Faith’s dismissal. “I’ve seen how much you’ve changed. You’ve - become this - really wonderful person - and I always hoped you would be and that’s why it always made me so angry when you - but I…”
“We don’t really have to-”
“I need to,” Buffy spoke over her again. “This is why I stayed in Cleveland for so long. Why I - wanted to see you now. Do you know how many times I’ve wished we could talk like this? We’ve always been too damn stubborn to really have a conversation and I’m so…” Buffy trailed off, breathing deeply to calm herself. She had been about to say she was so sick of the way they didn’t talk, but here she was, still avoiding a real conversation with Faith.
“I hear what you’re sayin’, B,” Faith assured her in a gentle tone that added a husky strain to her voice, “but I don’t know if I can have this conversation. It really - fuck it, it scares me, okay?” Faith took another drink of coffee and deliberately looked anywhere but at Buffy.
“It scares me too,” Buffy admitted quietly, “more than you know. I’m so close to just running away right now.” Whether she should run to the real Faith or just run away from both of them, she wasn’t sure. Of course, the real Faith would be even less likely to want to face the emotional tension between them.
“Why did you wanna see me?” Faith prompted.
“Because I…”
“Come on, B,” Faith ordered. “You said you wanted to talk, so let’s do this thing.”
“I…” Buffy opened and shut her mouth a few times.
“Figures,” Faith complained. “Fly my ass up to L.A. and we still can’t do this, can we?”
“I missed you,” Buffy half-whispered.
“You missed me?” Faith questioned. “What the hell does that even mean?”
“I miss the way we used to be,” Buffy tried to explain. “Back before - everything - we were actually kind of close. Or I thought we were; I don’t know how you felt. And I think about you a lot. I think about what we used to have and - everything we never had and all I really want is to reconnect with you and get to know you better and try to leave all the stupid shit we both did behind us.”
“What stupid shit did you do?” asked Faith curiously.
“To you or in general?” Buffy countered. “How about we start with the part where I hit you in the face a whole bunch of times?”
“Yeah, but we’re Slayers,” Faith reasoned, “that’s practically foreplay.”
“Um…” Buffy blushed at this proclamation and took a large gulp of coffee, suddenly wishing it were ice water instead. “A-and there was that time I stabbed you,” she reminded, searching for a less awkward topic. “And all those stupid arguments we had when we were fighting The First. And - well, I’m sorry.”
“You gotta admit I earned some of that stuff,” Faith pointed out.
“I wish things hadn’t gone the way they did,” said Buffy solemnly. “All the time, I wonder what would have happened if I had done something different.”
“When do you think you could’ve changed things?” said Faith bluntly. “It wasn’t your choices that fucked things up, B.”
“I think about - that night,” Buffy muttered, “when Alan Finch died. I think about it a lot.” She carefully met Faith’s eyes for a moment and then looked away. “I should’ve been there for you.”
“You were,” said Faith softly. “I told you to piss off, remember?”
“Maybe if I’d tried harder, if I’d just pushed a little more-”
“Maybe,” Faith granted, talking over Buffy. “Or maybe we would’ve tried to kill each other sooner. We don’t get to know that stuff. All we’ve got is here and now.”
“Well, here and now I really like you,” Buffy told her. “You’re a really wonderful person and I respect you. The person I see now makes me wish I’d been more understanding in the past. I want you to know that you’re worth it and that I should have been a better friend to you.” Buffy finally lost the fight against her tear ducts at this point and she blinked in frustration as they spilled over. “I’m sorry that it wasn’t me who helped you get through those things. It should’ve been.”
“I don’t know what to say…” Faith mumbled quietly, discomforted by the sight of Buffy’s tears.
“You don’t have to…” Buffy stopped midsentence and swallowed slowly. “God, I didn’t mean to get all weepy,” she reflected bitterly, grasping for her coffee.
“It’s cool,” said Faith. “Sometimes you gotta let that shit out.”
“Yeah, I guess-”
“Can we hug?” Faith added suddenly.
Buffy blinked.
Faith moved her chair over and wrapped her arms around Buffy’s thin frame. After a moment, Buffy returned the embrace.
“I don’t know if it’s worth anything,” Faith spoke softly into Buffy’s ear, “but I’m sorry too.”
“It’s worth everything,” said Buffy shakily, wishing now that she had the courage to say these things to the real Faith and wondering if anything this comforting could come of it. “I really love you, Faith,” Buffy added as they pulled apart.
“You sure that’s not an Irish coffee?” Faith quipped. Buffy chuckled appreciatively.
“I mean it,” she stated boldly. “You’re so-”
“If you say ‘wonderful’ one more time, I’m gonna kick your ass,” Faith threatened.
“Fine, fine,” Buffy allowed, holding out her hands innocently. “I just thought you might like to hear it is all. You’re a hell of a woman.”
“Yeah, well, I try to be my best,” Faith said casually.
“I think you are,” Buffy assured her with a smile. “You okay?” she added, noticing a distant, thoughtful look as she met Faith’s eyes. “Faith?” she prompted.
“Huh?” said Faith with a start. “Sorry, just - déjà vu or somethin’.” She shook her head slowly from side to side.
“You got déjà vu from me complimenting you?” Buffy questioned with raised eyebrows.
“I guess,” Faith mumbled. “And thanks, by the way. It means a lot.”
“You’re welcome,” Buffy smiled again.
“I’m glad you wanna - reconnect or whatever,” said Faith, staring down at her now empty coffee cup. “Probably could’ve made a better start on it if I wasn’t so... You know, thinkin’ you were there to keep an eye on me. Is there a word for that?”
“Paranoid,” Buffy supplied promptly. “That’s me too, though. I think it’s a Slayer thing.”
“Survival instincts, I guess,” said Faith.
“Well, I won’t bite,” Buffy responded, “unless, of course, you ask me to,” she added with a coy grin.
“You oughta bite that tongue,” Faith told her, “before it writes a check you can’t cash.”
“I pay all my debts,” Buffy stated. “That actually doesn’t sound all that tough,” she contemplated as an afterthought.
“Definitely not,” Faith agreed.
There was a slightly awkward pause, which Buffy passed by draining the rest of her coffee.
“So, what do you wanna do now?” asked Faith.
“Now?” Buffy questioned, not completely clear on Faith’s meaning.
“Now that - all this stuff’s out in the open,” she clarified. “I mean, were you wantin’ to come back to Cleveland or…”
“I wouldn’t want to overstep,” Buffy mumbled.
“I’d be cool with it,” Faith assured her. “If you wanna come, you should come. I wanna know you better too.”
“There’s something else,” said Buffy slowly. “I-it’s not all out in the open yet. And - I really don’t even know how to start saying this…”
“Hey,” Faith leaned forward and placed both of her hands over one of Buffy’s, “just say it, okay. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
“Right,” Buffy sighed and then took a deep breath. “Okay then.” She held her silence, simply staring into Faith’s hypnotic brown eyes for a moment and taking further deep breaths that did nothing to calm her. Finally, she decided to simply start leaning forward. She shut her eyes as she pressed her lips to Faith’s, savoring the physical sensation of the action. Faith returned the pressure very tentatively, showing a tenderness that Buffy doubted the brunette would have shown with any other partner. Buffy lingered for several seconds before pulling back and opening her eyes; Faith’s expression was both stunned and thoughtful.
“Well?” Buffy asker her.
“B…” said Faith simply, face still frozen in the same expression.
“One of these days I’m gonna teach you to say ‘uffy’.”
Faith made no response but to raise her hand and softly touch her lips.
“Why?” she managed finally.
“Never had that reaction before,” Buffy noted.
“Buffy,” said Faith softly. “Why me?”
“What?”
“I mean - you could do a hell of a lot better,” she answered.
“I think we could be really good for each other,” said Buffy fervently. “If you don’t feel the same way, I’d understand, but I’d like to be with you and I wanted you to know that.”
“I don’t - really know how I feel,” Faith confessed. “There’s definitely a part of me that wants it,” she assured the blonde, “I just…”
“You’re afraid,” Buffy guessed.
“I just - I’m not - damn it, I’m not wonderful, B,” Faith sighed in frustration, attempting to pull her hands back.
“You are,” Buffy grasped one of Faith’s hands to keep her from pulling away. She looked to Faith’s eyes, which looked down at their linked hands. “Everyone makes mistakes, Faith,” said Buffy firmly, earning a fleeting glance. “It’s what people do. Believe me, I’ve made more than few. But you came back from those mistakes and they made you stronger. And I feel like I understand you so much better now and I think - because of the things we’ve been through - we’re just that much better for each other.”
“We’re both fucked up so we should be together?” Faith questioned. “That’s warped, B.”
“We both got past being fucked up,” Buffy countered, “and that’s at least a good place to start. And if you want me even half as much as I want you, then we should find out what we can have,” she reasoned. “So - do you want me?”
Whether or not the real Faith wanted her, Buffy knew that the imprint wouldn’t be able to deny this parameter; it was just a matter of working with Faith’s persona now.
“Yeah,” Faith’s answer was barely more than a whisper.
“Well, a good friend once told me: want, take, have.”
“B…”
“Just shut up and kiss me.”
“You think I’m gonna do it just ‘cause you tell me to?” Faith challenged, leaning forward slightly.
“You’ll do it because you want to,” Buffy replied, grinning coyly, “but you know I like to give orders.”
“You’re such a bitch sometimes,” Faith told her, so close now that their noses were nearly touching.
“What do you want to do about it?” retorted Buffy.
Faith tilted her head slightly and closed the gap between them. Buffy responded ardently as their mouths opened and the intensity of the kiss escalated. Faith brought a hand up to Buffy’s face and Buffy relished the physical intimacy that sent waves of heat racing through her body. She mirrored the gesture, breathing heavily now and feeling her face flush with arousal.
“Would you two like a refill? They’re half-price.”
The server had returned again. Buffy and Faith pulled apart.
“No, we’re good,” Buffy panted. “We should - probably go, huh?”
“You don’t have to,” he answered. “It’s not like you’re the first couple to make out in a coffee shop. I just have to pitch the refills to people with empty cups.” He collected the cups in question and left quietly.
“Wanna bail?” Buffy asked.
“I’m thinkin’ they’d probably kick us out once I got you naked,” Faith replied thoughtfully.
“What do you say we take this back to my room?” Buffy offered, raising her eyebrows suggestively.
Next chapter: Well, it *is* a Fantasy
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