(no subject)
i feel dead. like i am a dead body. like instead of sitting at a computer, i should be splayed out on the ground. odd.
so work was actually fun again yesterday. beth came back and we worked together. i love beth. she never gets involved in any of the drama, never talks bad about anyone, is so amazingly unique with her silly hats and fun stories, and always apologizes for making me want to puke when she talks about her boyfriend. which i never want to do, i love hearing about them, they're so adorable. it actually gives me hope that my boyfriend and i can work.
then the bosses took us to lugia's for lunch and ice cream which was nice:) it was a little odd at first without a default group or people, but actually lots of fun because i just hung out and talked with everyone. and the ice cream was so yummy:)
then i worked with another cool person, dan, who i took a class with earlier this summer, but never talked to. he was pretty cool. then i gave away many of my apartments possession's to an adult student from korea who doesn't have anything to furnish her new apartment with, it made her soo happy, it was really nice to do something nice.
i don't know whats been up with me lately. i said something offhand to dan about me being a nice person and almost laughed. like me being a nice person was a joke. i hate that feeling. i want to be a nice person, i used to be at one point... but i don't feel like it anymore. it doesn't help that quite a few people are convinced i'm not. i guess that is the problem. i respond to things i find hurtful by being bitchy. so things have been especially hurtful lately? yea i guess that would be true... but i still need to find a way to respond better... i really want that, really want to be a loving, caring person. it is one of the desires of my heart, and i need to find a way to do it.
i'm sorry i've been so selfish and wrapped up in my life and problems lately that i haven't been there for most of you:( i hope you know how much i care, but i'm sure you don't feel it right now and i'm really really sorry. i can't make it better with words, you will still be hurting, but i will try to be a better friend... i'm just having a hard time sorting out this life thing.
i love you.
so work was actually fun again yesterday. beth came back and we worked together. i love beth. she never gets involved in any of the drama, never talks bad about anyone, is so amazingly unique with her silly hats and fun stories, and always apologizes for making me want to puke when she talks about her boyfriend. which i never want to do, i love hearing about them, they're so adorable. it actually gives me hope that my boyfriend and i can work.
then the bosses took us to lugia's for lunch and ice cream which was nice:) it was a little odd at first without a default group or people, but actually lots of fun because i just hung out and talked with everyone. and the ice cream was so yummy:)
then i worked with another cool person, dan, who i took a class with earlier this summer, but never talked to. he was pretty cool. then i gave away many of my apartments possession's to an adult student from korea who doesn't have anything to furnish her new apartment with, it made her soo happy, it was really nice to do something nice.
i don't know whats been up with me lately. i said something offhand to dan about me being a nice person and almost laughed. like me being a nice person was a joke. i hate that feeling. i want to be a nice person, i used to be at one point... but i don't feel like it anymore. it doesn't help that quite a few people are convinced i'm not. i guess that is the problem. i respond to things i find hurtful by being bitchy. so things have been especially hurtful lately? yea i guess that would be true... but i still need to find a way to respond better... i really want that, really want to be a loving, caring person. it is one of the desires of my heart, and i need to find a way to do it.
i'm sorry i've been so selfish and wrapped up in my life and problems lately that i haven't been there for most of you:( i hope you know how much i care, but i'm sure you don't feel it right now and i'm really really sorry. i can't make it better with words, you will still be hurting, but i will try to be a better friend... i'm just having a hard time sorting out this life thing.
i love you.