(no subject)
What happens when you lose yourself in time? All you can think about is the ticking of the clock, the second hand drawing nearer and nearer to it's target, the minute hand following. You think about how much time you have left, how much time you've had, what you'll do with the time given to you and what you won't do because of the restrictions it places on you. You could desensitize yourself near the end, you could shut yourself off, force your mind onto other things but wouldn't that just be letting yourself down? wouldn't that just be denying yourself from living with that person, like living. Maybe I can already feel it happening to myself. I can't even cry because I'm so used to it. SO used to it and I do it to myself each and every time. Why does there have to always be ONE option, why can't you mesh both B and C, why can't someone just say "A" without a "kiss me or get in the car". And the worst part is is that I don't know if I'm alone or not. You say the usual, you care about me, you really like me, you don't want to be hurt by leaving me, you don't want to be a dissapointment, "don't ever lose your open-ness" bullshit. Does anyone know how to take a risk anymore? Well, I did and now I've made a decision, and it rests on my shoulders...more time. I wanted more time.