i'm so fucking good at being sad, it's ridiculous.

[me_by_design]

i can do without my family loving me.
most of the time, i can do without my friends.
but every time i allow myself to care about some stupid guy it ends up taking a hold on my sanity.
i start to lose all control of my emotions and my mental stability.
every time it happens i think to myself,
"this is the last person that is going to make me feel like shit just because he can.
this is the last time i'm going to act like i don't give a fuck.
this is it.."
but there is always someone else, ready and waiting for the opportunity to destroy the small, yet significant, grasp i actually have on reality.

why the fuck do i want to be loved so bad?
love humiliates you.
hatred, cradles you.
i keep fucking forgetting that.

i need to watch white oleander again and shut the rest of the world out.