(no subject)
Oh, oh, OH how I love headlines:
FAMILY FACES EVICTION FOR NOISY NIGHT PRAYERS
Man tells paper that ‘high volume is needed in the battle against the devil’
Updated: 9:37 a.m. CT Aug 17, 2006
BERLIN - A seven-member family faces eviction from an east Berlin apartment tower after neighbors complained about loud prayer sessions that keep the whole building awake at night, a German newspaper said on Thursday.
“I really don’t want to disturb the neighbors but the high volume is needed in the battle against the devil,” Pierre D., the 42-year-old father of the Christian family, told Bild newspaper. He is fighting an eviction order in court.
Neighbors told Bild the screams and singing that are part of the family prayers in the second story sometimes begin at 2:30 a.m. and can be heard all the way up to the fifth floor.
This morning I showed up to work just a tad hungover and Crazy Wendy started rasping about her dog's urinary habits. We were at the counter slowly chopping carrots when, out of the blue, she rasped, "My puppy tried to pee last night but a few drops of rain fell on his head and my husband and I spoil him so he just wouldn't go." She paused her and waited for a response from me. None was forthcomming. Undeterred, she continued, "Yep, he sure is spoiled. Won't go pee if it's raining. It rained this morning too, and it will be raining at noon when my husband goes home to let him out. So he'll go almost 24 hours without peeing." Another pause. From me: "Huh." "His record for going without peeing is 33 hours," she stated proudly.
I chopped carrots wordlessly. She set down her knife and enjoyed a personal dog-piss-oriented reverie for a beat, and then said, "Don't you think that's something?" "Yep. That is something." Chop. Chop. Chop.
This is how it goes every morning of my life for four hours. Wendy regales me with useless anecdotes about her dogs, her children, her grandchildren, the squirrels in her backyard, the babies she takes care of at church. I respond, or I don't, all the while biting down hard on my tongue and fantasizing about "accidentally" chopping off my fingers so I could have an excuse to get away. Blood all over the carrots and everything, it really would be dramatic.
And she MUMBLES. I hear her mumble something from across the kitchen, and pretend I don't know she's trying to tell me about the poopie diaper she changed in 8 seconds flat ("A personal record, and I've been changing poopie diapers for 27 years." Chop. Chop. Chop.) but then she'll just mumble LOUDER, so I have no choice but to ask, "What'd you say?" even though I really, REALLY don't want to know.
An ugly woman ordered a bowl of soup and then refused to pay for it. She said, "That container is too small to be worth $3.50. I won't give you a cent more than $2." I hate my life. I offered to throw in a free muffin if she would pay the full price. She refused to pay. I hate my life.
Now I'm at job #2 on the day. When I've finished shelving a few books I'm going to sit in the window until 5 PM and wait for the hot guy that works across the street to emerge from the rainstorm and declare his undying love for me. Then I'll ride my bike in the rain to job #3.
This place is cozy. Rain and books and wood floors and green walls and Frank Sinatra, ALWAYS Frank Sinatra. (how do you change the station on XM radio? Or am I just a moron?)
24 days.
FAMILY FACES EVICTION FOR NOISY NIGHT PRAYERS
Man tells paper that ‘high volume is needed in the battle against the devil’
Updated: 9:37 a.m. CT Aug 17, 2006
BERLIN - A seven-member family faces eviction from an east Berlin apartment tower after neighbors complained about loud prayer sessions that keep the whole building awake at night, a German newspaper said on Thursday.
“I really don’t want to disturb the neighbors but the high volume is needed in the battle against the devil,” Pierre D., the 42-year-old father of the Christian family, told Bild newspaper. He is fighting an eviction order in court.
Neighbors told Bild the screams and singing that are part of the family prayers in the second story sometimes begin at 2:30 a.m. and can be heard all the way up to the fifth floor.
This morning I showed up to work just a tad hungover and Crazy Wendy started rasping about her dog's urinary habits. We were at the counter slowly chopping carrots when, out of the blue, she rasped, "My puppy tried to pee last night but a few drops of rain fell on his head and my husband and I spoil him so he just wouldn't go." She paused her and waited for a response from me. None was forthcomming. Undeterred, she continued, "Yep, he sure is spoiled. Won't go pee if it's raining. It rained this morning too, and it will be raining at noon when my husband goes home to let him out. So he'll go almost 24 hours without peeing." Another pause. From me: "Huh." "His record for going without peeing is 33 hours," she stated proudly.
I chopped carrots wordlessly. She set down her knife and enjoyed a personal dog-piss-oriented reverie for a beat, and then said, "Don't you think that's something?" "Yep. That is something." Chop. Chop. Chop.
This is how it goes every morning of my life for four hours. Wendy regales me with useless anecdotes about her dogs, her children, her grandchildren, the squirrels in her backyard, the babies she takes care of at church. I respond, or I don't, all the while biting down hard on my tongue and fantasizing about "accidentally" chopping off my fingers so I could have an excuse to get away. Blood all over the carrots and everything, it really would be dramatic.
And she MUMBLES. I hear her mumble something from across the kitchen, and pretend I don't know she's trying to tell me about the poopie diaper she changed in 8 seconds flat ("A personal record, and I've been changing poopie diapers for 27 years." Chop. Chop. Chop.) but then she'll just mumble LOUDER, so I have no choice but to ask, "What'd you say?" even though I really, REALLY don't want to know.
An ugly woman ordered a bowl of soup and then refused to pay for it. She said, "That container is too small to be worth $3.50. I won't give you a cent more than $2." I hate my life. I offered to throw in a free muffin if she would pay the full price. She refused to pay. I hate my life.
Now I'm at job #2 on the day. When I've finished shelving a few books I'm going to sit in the window until 5 PM and wait for the hot guy that works across the street to emerge from the rainstorm and declare his undying love for me. Then I'll ride my bike in the rain to job #3.
This place is cozy. Rain and books and wood floors and green walls and Frank Sinatra, ALWAYS Frank Sinatra. (how do you change the station on XM radio? Or am I just a moron?)
24 days.