(no subject)
I've been in a bad place for a really long time. Longer than I care to admit, really. Whole days off spent curled up in my room, quiet on the outside but with a little knot of hysteria pulsing on the inside. I've been ignoring the fact that time is passing and that life is moving, with or without me. But I'm tired of it, and I think I'm getting better. Maybe I could have gotten better sooner if I'd been honest with myself, and honest with the people close to me. If I'd swallowed my pride and asked my parents for help finding a therapist. If I'd taken B vitamins and exercised regularly. If I'd written in my diary or actually looked at myself in the mirror. I don't know. Maybe some day I will be able to look back at this period and chock up these feelings to post-grad anxiety and Seasonal Affective Disorder, even though they were here well before graduation and may come roaring back in the height of summer. I don't know. But I think I'm getting better, and I want to hang on to that feeling. There are some things I know I should start doing to help myself, and I need to start soon.
I need to check my email and my voicemail. I can't shut out the world, as much as I want to.
I need to repair some friendships that have suffered through my own selfish neglect.
I want to publish a story before the year is over. I think I can.
I want to go for a bike ride. I want to go out in the sun. I want to get up early and live full days.
I need to check my email and my voicemail. I can't shut out the world, as much as I want to.
I need to repair some friendships that have suffered through my own selfish neglect.
I want to publish a story before the year is over. I think I can.
I want to go for a bike ride. I want to go out in the sun. I want to get up early and live full days.