Rock. Hard place. Me in the middle.
My boyfriend is a part of a BtVS RPing guild. What We Do. And I was telling him a few days ago how I could never join, I was nowhere near good enough. Then he said I could have joined. That I was good enough.
Then the next night, I decided to create a character and send in an application. But when I called him, he didn't like it. He said it was like having his girlfriend coming in on his poker night if he had one. He didn't want my character to end up having 'kinky fun' with another character and have to read about it. And it kinda pissed me off and made me sad but I understood where he was coming from.
So I wrote the leader/creator person and asked her to forget my request, that I didn't think I was anywhere near good enough for the group. Then she wrote me back and said she would like me in. I still wanna join, but I'm not sure if I wanna join under an alias or be respectful to Nick and decline again.
And I understand where he's coming from, but, I still wanna. And the 'kinky fun' wouldn't mean a thing to me. If it helped my character's storyline move along, so be it. But, if it would help me start writing again, what's the bad?
::sighs, bangs head against wall::
And if he reads this, so be it. When we talked last night, he asked if I was upset or mad about it and I was a little. It's his 'thing'. I understand that. But...::sighs again:: fuck.
Then the next night, I decided to create a character and send in an application. But when I called him, he didn't like it. He said it was like having his girlfriend coming in on his poker night if he had one. He didn't want my character to end up having 'kinky fun' with another character and have to read about it. And it kinda pissed me off and made me sad but I understood where he was coming from.
So I wrote the leader/creator person and asked her to forget my request, that I didn't think I was anywhere near good enough for the group. Then she wrote me back and said she would like me in. I still wanna join, but I'm not sure if I wanna join under an alias or be respectful to Nick and decline again.
And I understand where he's coming from, but, I still wanna. And the 'kinky fun' wouldn't mean a thing to me. If it helped my character's storyline move along, so be it. But, if it would help me start writing again, what's the bad?
::sighs, bangs head against wall::
And if he reads this, so be it. When we talked last night, he asked if I was upset or mad about it and I was a little. It's his 'thing'. I understand that. But...::sighs again:: fuck.