(no subject)
I get yelled at for not sleeping enough.
I get yelled at for trying to sleep.
I get yelled at for not seeing the people that matter enough.
Whenever I try to see them they're busy or not interested or what not.
I'm fucked over every time I'm responsible.
I get treated like shit if I indulge in irresponsibility.
I give up. I really do. I'm getting crap for always being down. I can't break my depression anymore. I really can't. I've been trying, I really have but I'm sabotaging myself at every turn and it's making my life impossible.
I honestly wish I had the balls for the "coward's way out."
Ari, I'm sorry for today. I really am. I feel like I fucked up your birthday, or at least made it less than it should be because of my mood. I didn't mean to. I love you and wish I could have made the day better for you.
EDIT: And before you say I should talk to someone I'm done trying. Anytime I do the topic is changed or the person goes silent. Know one wants to fucking hear it. I exist not to have problems of my own but to fix others problems. And I'm really fucking sick of hearing that THAT is my real problem. If you honestly believe that helping people is a problem than tell me what I should actually be doing, because I doubt it'll be any more constructive.
I get yelled at for trying to sleep.
I get yelled at for not seeing the people that matter enough.
Whenever I try to see them they're busy or not interested or what not.
I'm fucked over every time I'm responsible.
I get treated like shit if I indulge in irresponsibility.
I give up. I really do. I'm getting crap for always being down. I can't break my depression anymore. I really can't. I've been trying, I really have but I'm sabotaging myself at every turn and it's making my life impossible.
I honestly wish I had the balls for the "coward's way out."
Ari, I'm sorry for today. I really am. I feel like I fucked up your birthday, or at least made it less than it should be because of my mood. I didn't mean to. I love you and wish I could have made the day better for you.
EDIT: And before you say I should talk to someone I'm done trying. Anytime I do the topic is changed or the person goes silent. Know one wants to fucking hear it. I exist not to have problems of my own but to fix others problems. And I'm really fucking sick of hearing that THAT is my real problem. If you honestly believe that helping people is a problem than tell me what I should actually be doing, because I doubt it'll be any more constructive.