And who Am I?
I had phone calls from my doctor and nurse today. I didn't go to day hospital as I usually do on my non-ECT days so they called to check on me. They also wanted to check on me because I told my ECT doc that I had a little overdose of pills on Sunday night which resulted in me falling down and getting all bruised up. They weren't too happy about that. I have felt bizarre ever since then, like I'm not me. I've even been debating today whether or not it would be a good idea for me to go check myself into hospital inpatient. I don't really know if I'm safe at home alone but I don't really know what else to do. I'm just doing my best to sit on the sofa and stay away from all of the booze and pills in the house. Lumpy said something to me about doing what I feel is right. I took that as "go ahead and off yourself if you think that's what you want" but I'm not quite sure that's what he meant. Who knows. I'm just sitting back, observing the world, trying to figure out where my place is in it. Nothing even feels real anymore. I don't know where to go, or what to do. Why do things keep getting harder instead of easier.