Frustration
I'm posting this here, because I don't want to be passive aggressive by posting this elsewhere.
As you might have figured out, because it's not exactly hidden here, I'm a lesbian. While my experience is extremely limited, I feel fairly confident saying that I am a lesbian rather than being pansexual. I was married, and as early as my honeymoon, I was calling excuses to get out of sex and I find the male sexual organs to be gross--they not only don't turn me on, they actively turn me off. So, when I label myself "lesbian," I do feel like it's an accurate label for me and one I'm entirely comfortable with.
My rant is that I'm tired of not being represented.
About a week ago, I watched "The Kids Are All Right." And it was a good movie, but even it had me disappointed. Ok, I get that a narrative needs conflict, and I get that sexuality can be flexible, but couldn't I have a movie in which I was represented without heteronormativity rearing its ugly head? Having said that, they actually did a really good job with it.
But other than that, there really aren't mainstream movies or TV in which I feel represented. The L Word tried, but it was all about the girls being lesbians--at least what I've seen of it. They did try, at least, to show a wider range.
Anyway, I'm getting off track--this will be rambly anyway, so bear with me.
When I try to find a romcom to watch that I can actually go, "Aww...want!" I strike out. Every time. The one lesbian book I bought for my nook I wound up deleting cause it was kinda...bad (exploitative).
So, there's nowhere for me to go--expect fanfic.
Only, here's the thing, I apparently belong to either the wrong fandoms or the wrong subgroups.
My primary fandoms are:
South Park and Sailor Moon. I also love Charmed, but don't really get into the fandom so much there.
Now, you might be saying, "But Sailor Moon has Haruka and Michiru. So, you should be good."
And yeah, don't get me wrong, I love H/M!
Or you might say, "The fandom has LOTS of yuri in it."
And yeah, it does.
But here's my personal problem--I'm a Senshi/Shitennou shipper. So, I do something that the American version of the Anime did for the exact opposite reason (I love subverting crap!)--I make Zoisite female. My OTP! is female!Zoisite/Mercury.
And my SP OTP! is Bendy.
Now, I'll admit, the SM issue, is totally mine. Well, it's not, but I'm not going to get into it any further here, because it involves people I care about.
But with SP, I belong to a fandom in which almost all slash is M/M. Go to ff.net. You'll find a gabazillion M/M combinations--and yes, that's largely b/c the main charries are boys, but even when it comes to charries that get less air time (or are even in just one episode!!) you'll find significantly more M/M. Dip is all over the place. Bendy? Is extremely rare. There are other people who write Bendy, but I almost feel like if I want to read Bendy, I have to write it. And sometimes I just want to read, to enjoy what someone else has written.
I'm tired of feeling like I don't count because I'm a lesbian. I want an escape or a story in which I can kinda project myself that doesn't require me to alter pronouns or pretend that I'm seeing a girl or settling for drunken depressed women kissing each other.
I really don't think I'm asking for that much, just to be recognized by society as existing as something other than an escape for frustrated married women or being fetishized bye men.
That was rambly, but I'm frustrated and hurting.
As you might have figured out, because it's not exactly hidden here, I'm a lesbian. While my experience is extremely limited, I feel fairly confident saying that I am a lesbian rather than being pansexual. I was married, and as early as my honeymoon, I was calling excuses to get out of sex and I find the male sexual organs to be gross--they not only don't turn me on, they actively turn me off. So, when I label myself "lesbian," I do feel like it's an accurate label for me and one I'm entirely comfortable with.
My rant is that I'm tired of not being represented.
About a week ago, I watched "The Kids Are All Right." And it was a good movie, but even it had me disappointed. Ok, I get that a narrative needs conflict, and I get that sexuality can be flexible, but couldn't I have a movie in which I was represented without heteronormativity rearing its ugly head? Having said that, they actually did a really good job with it.
But other than that, there really aren't mainstream movies or TV in which I feel represented. The L Word tried, but it was all about the girls being lesbians--at least what I've seen of it. They did try, at least, to show a wider range.
Anyway, I'm getting off track--this will be rambly anyway, so bear with me.
When I try to find a romcom to watch that I can actually go, "Aww...want!" I strike out. Every time. The one lesbian book I bought for my nook I wound up deleting cause it was kinda...bad (exploitative).
So, there's nowhere for me to go--expect fanfic.
Only, here's the thing, I apparently belong to either the wrong fandoms or the wrong subgroups.
My primary fandoms are:
South Park and Sailor Moon. I also love Charmed, but don't really get into the fandom so much there.
Now, you might be saying, "But Sailor Moon has Haruka and Michiru. So, you should be good."
And yeah, don't get me wrong, I love H/M!
Or you might say, "The fandom has LOTS of yuri in it."
And yeah, it does.
But here's my personal problem--I'm a Senshi/Shitennou shipper. So, I do something that the American version of the Anime did for the exact opposite reason (I love subverting crap!)--I make Zoisite female. My OTP! is female!Zoisite/Mercury.
And my SP OTP! is Bendy.
Now, I'll admit, the SM issue, is totally mine. Well, it's not, but I'm not going to get into it any further here, because it involves people I care about.
But with SP, I belong to a fandom in which almost all slash is M/M. Go to ff.net. You'll find a gabazillion M/M combinations--and yes, that's largely b/c the main charries are boys, but even when it comes to charries that get less air time (or are even in just one episode!!) you'll find significantly more M/M. Dip is all over the place. Bendy? Is extremely rare. There are other people who write Bendy, but I almost feel like if I want to read Bendy, I have to write it. And sometimes I just want to read, to enjoy what someone else has written.
I'm tired of feeling like I don't count because I'm a lesbian. I want an escape or a story in which I can kinda project myself that doesn't require me to alter pronouns or pretend that I'm seeing a girl or settling for drunken depressed women kissing each other.
I really don't think I'm asking for that much, just to be recognized by society as existing as something other than an escape for frustrated married women or being fetishized bye men.
That was rambly, but I'm frustrated and hurting.