WHAT NEXT

[mdmaforbobby]

i talked to my dad for long time last night and came to a decision that i really dont know what im going to decide on yet but i will know in about 2 months which path i take.im sorry vicky that i couldnt give the space you asked for from fear of loosing all that i have came to know. i know at school you will start talking to other guys and that i will have to deal with that i also know that you are moving on with your life without me i guess my love and hope for us went deeper then yours i understand that you are young and my father explaind it better to me that he went through this to in TENN. with a girl who was 20 and he was 22 they were engagded for almost a year and the girl came up to him one day and told him that she wanted a break so that they could become more independent but it turns out that she wanted to be with someone else which destroyed him like it is doing to me im not saying you want to be with someone else but then again i really dont if you do or if you dont b/c you seem to be moving on with your life like i was never a part of it and that hurts me b/c i am willing to become more independent and get my shit straight but also wait for you to do the same so we can be together again. but anyways my decision that i made with my father is going to be based on us whether we get everything straightend out and get back together, if you find someone else, or if you just dont want to be with me period and the decision when i find out what is happening with us is to be whether i go active army (away to GERMANY for good) or not my reasons for not leaving florida awhile back a little over a year ago were b/c of you i saw a life with you and a perfect, complete one at that but you didnt see the same and i dont know if you ever did. i did propose to you earlier then usual only b/c i saw my dreams coming true failing to recognize that your dreams weren't coming true with me but without looking at perspective i did propose and i thought we would be together forever that I WOULD NEVER LOOSE YOU TO SOMEONE ELSE. it might of been a security factor in there not b/c i always need someone there only b/c i found the one for me. i sorry i wasn't the one for you and i think this time apart will show you that it was a one sided outcome of me finding my one but you not finding yours within me. i sorry to tell you that i will continue to try to show you that i think i am still your one and that i will still keep on trying to get you back. life is full of hard knocks and this event topped mine loosing you has destroyed me more then loosing my mother yes she is my mom and i love her dearly but she wasnt the one that i was suppose to spend the rest of my life with, have kids with, grow old with. i dont understand before looking around all i saw was you now i look around and i see all the couples holding hands, kissing, and loving each other and i am envious of them b/c i had that and i ruined it now what do i have the love of my life going on with hers and leaving me behind but thats not your fault that im staying behind you did what you did so that we can grow and be strong as one you tell me that we will fix our problems and then try it again but i dont see that anymore i see you finding your one in someone else just going out to a club, a guy come up and starts talking to you, and then you begin to feel what i feel with you everyday a perfect circle, no rough edges, no holes, just completeness and i have to live with that b/c i had my chance i moved to quick i said the wrong things and i didnt keep you happy the way you kept me happy and now it is someone else turn and that is what upsets me. to throw away the perfect woman when i could of slowed down, treated you right, and had complete love within our perfect cirlce until the day came for us to move on. i always wondered in the dreams that i had about past lifes were they just something that i wanted to dream or were they something showing me that life isnt perfect you have to work at it and prove to yourself if you want someone to stay around and feel the same about you as you do them you have to be yourself nit someone else and you have to have an understanding that your life together will be made up of two equal parts ( i love you, you love me), (i want to be with you, you want to be with me), (you complete me, i complete you) but anways once all is said and done i dont have you anymore and i have to move on with out you. i dont know how you are doing it but please talk to me and tell me so i can do it too so instead of things just changing on your side to better us they can change on my side as well so that when we get back together (if?)i can complete you and be the man of your dreams as you are the woman of my dreams right now.

ALWAYS AND FOREVER, MY HEART IS ALWAYS BELONGING TO YOU, LOVE AND ALWAYS LOVE FOR YOU, BOBBY